Original work by: L. R. Bowen.
MiSTed by: Eric Schepers, M@ Nelson.
Edited by: Eric Schepers.
Created on: Thursday, 13 August 1998.
Added on: Saturday, 02 February 2008.
| Rating | Evaluations |
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| 2 | -(0) |
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| 5 | -(0) |
| 6 | -(1) |
| 7 | -(6) |
| 8 | -(13) |
| 9 | -(6) |
| 10 | -(1) |
Rated 8.00 with standard deviation 0.86 on 27
evaluations.
This is not intended as an attack on L. R. Bowen or anyone else that we may have callously riffed. If you are offended, then send whatever to schepps@hotmail.com (even if it's flames).
<SOL>
<We see Mike seating at an easel with a paintbrush stuck behind his ear. He appears to be thinking.>
Tom: <walking in> Oh, hey Mike. What's up?
Mike: Good morning Tom. I'm trying to paint all of the human experience.
Tom: <skeptical> Really? What have you got so far?
<Mike turns the easel so only Tom can see his work>
Tom: Hmmm....it's missing something.
Mike: What?
Tom: Well....EVERYTHING! It's blank!
Mike: Well, yeah! It symbolizes that we all start with a blank canvass, one that practically screams, "PAINT ME!!"
Tom: <after a beat> Couldn't think of anything, could you?
Mike: Uh...no.
Magic Voice: Commercial Sign in five minutes....
<Suddenly Crow rushes onto the bridge, scorched and screaming.>
Crow: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tom: Crow! What happened to you?!
Mike: <coughing and waving the smoke away from his face> We'll be right back.
<Commercials>
<SOL>
<Mike is still working on Crow while Tom watches on.>
Mike: So what happened to you huh?
Crow: Gypsy and an Devastator. <shudder>
Tom: Gypsy?! You challenged Gypsy to a holo-game of Duke Nukem? <a beat> Are you nuts?!!
Crow: <mumbling> First they killed her dog, then they killed Richard Basehart....now she's back and she's pissed!
<The red light on the console starts flashing.>
Mike: Oops, Wesley and Mamoru are calling.
<D13>
<Doctor Clayton 'Steven' Forrester's smiling face appeared on the Hexfield while Frank rummages in the experiment cabinet.>
Dr. F: Greetings boobies, everything running smoothly today? No....<gestures at Crow> mishaps?
<SOL>
Mike: <finally finishes with Crow> Everything's nominal Dr. F.
<D13>
Dr. F: Hmmm...to bad. Now as you know, it's time for our experiment. Today we have a rather odd Voyager fanfic. What's so odd about it you ask? Let's just say it's from a....different perspective.
Frank: Got it Dr. F! <hands a disk to Dr. F>
Dr. F: Very good Frank. Well, here it is Nelson. Chakotay's Pillow, and I hope you choke on it! Send them the fanfic Frank.
<SOL>
<Alarms>
Mike: WE HAVE FANFIC SIGN!
<standard pandemonium then....>
6..5..4..3..2..*
<everyone takes their seats>
Mike: You ok buddy?
Crow: I'm hanging in there, let's just hope the fic doesn't finish me off.
Tom: Amen.
>From ix.netcom.com!news.idt.net!cam-news-hub1.bbnplanet.com!cpk-news-hub1. >bbnplanet.com!news.bbnplanet.com!worldnet.att.net!newsfeed.internetmci.com!news >wco.com!not-for-mail
> Thu Mar 20 16:33:38 1997
>Path: ix.netcom.com!news.idt.net!cam-news-hub1.bbnplanet.com!cpk-news-hub1. >bbnplanet.com!news.bbnplanet.com!worldnet.att.net!newsfeed.internetmci.com!news >wco.com!not-for-mail
Mike: Not-for-reading.
Tom: Not-for-eating.
>From: "L.R. Bowen" <LRBowen@aol.com>
>Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative
Tom: Alt for alternative.
>Subject: REPOST: "Chakotay's Pillow" VOY, J/C, PG-13
Crow: Not recommended for the faint of heart.
Tom: Or the sane.
>Date: 20 Mar 1997 16:01:27 GMT
>Organization: West Coast Online's News Server - Not responsible for content
Mike: Or plot.
>Lines: 305
Crow: Ugh.
>Message-ID: <01bc3547$fa3d4200$837d04c7@default>
>NNTP-Posting-Host: regulus31.wco.com
>X-Newsreader: Microsoft Internet News 4.70.1155
>
>Reposting since I am hip deep in
Crow: Crap.
Mike: Feelin' better?
Crow: Yes, thanks.
> letters asking where it is! Thanks to all
>who wrote. I corrected my URL as well, and I've put this in a much more
>prominent place on my web site. Major re-org coming...
>
>This is, almost literally, a piece of fluff.
Tom: <sarcastically> Oh, *goodie*.
> <g>
Tom: Hey guys! It's the 'g-spot'!
Crow: Quick, draw a map!
Mike: Guys....
> This was written as part
>of a round-robin of stories among friends, and was originally sent out in
>three installments over several days, which accounts for changes of tone.
Mike: The dark, brutal murder in the third act shocked *everybody*!
Crow: Wow...why would more than one person want to write about Chakotay's Pillow?
Tom: Why would more than one person write about Marissa?
Crow: I see your point.
>It's been up on my web site for a
>while--http://members.aol.com/lrbowen/lrbowen.htm.
>
>"I Am Chakotay's Bed Pillow". VOY, J/C, PG-13. Ship's business
Crow: *Monkey* business!
Mike: <singing> There's no business like ship's business......
> from an
>unusual perspective. Paramount owns the whole ship, but the pillow is mine.
Tom: Dibs on the sheets!
Crow: Dibs! Eewwww......
>
>Send comments, diatribes, and horselaughs
Crow: Neighahahaha.
> to LRBowen@aol.com.
>
>
>I Am Chakotay's Bed Pillow
>L.R. Bowen
>
>
>I think he loves me. At least, he tells me so every night, and gives me a
>lot of hugs and kisses.
Tom: That's just what we call "pillow talk", baby.
Crow: <groans>
Mike: Please, Tom.. Already I'm ill, okay?
> He's named me "Kathryn." It's so sweet of him
Crow: Much better than being known as Mmph*snort*.
> --no
>one ever told me in the fabric mill that people name their bed pillows. I
>thought life in Starfleet was going to be dull and duty-bound.
Mike: I'd hate to see a pillow's duties...
> Lie there
>lonely all day, support a head at night, get fluffed in the morning if
>you're lucky.
Crow: I've always liked a good 'fluff' myself.
> I never knew my owner would fall in love with me.
Tom: Ooook.... What next, Janeway gets touchy feely with a phaser?
Crow: <Janeway> Gimme some sugar baby! *zap* OW!!!!
>
>It was a whirlwind romance.
Mike: <Pillow> First the Replicator, then the Shower, then the sheets...
> One day I was just a pillow in storage, lying
>patiently with all my brothers and sisters, waiting to be put into service.
Tom: All RIGHT you maggots! Snap to!
Mike and Crow: Hup two three four hup two three four...
>Then some crewmen came down and whisked me out of the container and carried
>me through the corridors. That's all I've ever seen of the ship. I know my
>brother, Queen Size Extra Firm
All: <snorting, laughter>
Crow: Even *I* won't touch this one.
> , went to the captain's quarters--the crewmen
>were checking a list.
Tom: <singing> They're makin' a list, and checkin' it twice! Gonna find out who's naughty or nice!
Crow: Twenty ramchips says Chakotay's name makes it to that first list before long...
> My original name was Queen Size Medium.
Crow: Hardly Firm.
> But I never
>think of myself as that now. If he wants me to be "Kathryn", that's who I
>am.
>
>The first few nights, someone else had me. His name was Cavit, he drooled,
Mike: And his nose was wet. He was a good boy.. Good boy!
Crow: You don't wanna know what he did to those poor sheets...
Mike: You're right. We don't wanna know.
>and he didn't even make the bed in the morning.
Tom: Obviously not a momma's boy.
Mike: Obviously.
> I resigned myself to a
>long, weary voyage. I would do my duty, but no more.
Crow: If he wants to blow his nose on me, he'll just have to forget about it.
> Then Cavit vanished.
Tom: There goes another red shirt. Pretty early too.
Mike: <Cavit> I'm free! No more sentient pillows! Yippee!
>*He* came into the bedroom that night,
Crow: President Bill Clinton?
Tom: Pinky?
Mike: Brain?
Crow: Bruce Banner?
Tom: Kuno?
Mike: Ataru?
Crow: Tony Danza?
Mike and Tom: Eww....
> and I wondered what was going on. No
>one ever informs the linens.
Tom: How thoughtless of them! But wait, how would it hear them if it doesn't have ears?
Mike: Don't think about it.
> He was filthy and smelled of smoke and fuel.
Crow: So light a match.
Mike: And then there's his breath. Whew!
> I
>shuddered, because he looked tired enough to fall into bed without even
>undressing. But he stripped off all his clothes and showered, then
>collapsed into my embrace. I curled up around his face and held him all
>night as he slept like the dead. Already I liked him better than Cavit.
Tom: Probably cuz he's a main character.
>
>Every night, I began to look forward to his homecoming. I would listen for
>his steps in the corridor and wait in breathless anticipation as he took
>off his uniform, longing for his weight, his soft contented sighs, the
>brush of his hair against me as he shifted, dreaming. That was when he
>first called me "Kathryn".
Crow: <Chakotay> Mmmm....I hate you Janeway...I should be captain....zzzzz......
Tom: I'm glad he didn't call it 'Marrisa'!
Mike and Crow: Don't say that!
> In his dreams. He was moaning as he slept,
All: Eww....
>calling me by that name, and suddenly clenched me in his strong arms. I lay
>under him and felt his body moving rhythmically over me,
Mike: <nauseous> Ah, this is sick!
> and I knew I had
>found what I had been looking for all my short life. Most nights, he makes
>love to me. I get a little stained, but I don't mind.
<Everybody makes assorted gagging noises>
> He puts me through
>the cleaning cycle if I get too damp. My colleagues, the sheets, change
>every week. Some of them tell me that other crewmembers get them just
>filthy before they'll stir themselves to make the bed up. One week, a
>mattress pad came through that had just been in the captain's quarters.
Crow: So, the captain's mattress takes trips to other crewmember's quarters?
Tom: That, or Chakotay's stalking her.
> He
>told me she's very tidy, smells wonderful and wears silk to bed. (My owner
>sleeps in the nude.)
Tom: Aiiigh! I'm blind!
Mike: Oh no. You don't get out of this *that* easy.
Tom: Shoot.
> And she's in love with my brother Queen Size Extra
>Firm, apparently. He used to be named "Mark". But she doesn't call him that
>any more--she holds him very tightly, and whispers to him.
Crow: <Janeway> Psst, can you hear me?
> The mattress pad
>couldn't hear what she said and Queen Size Extra Firm wouldn't tell him. He
>knows people say things to their pillows that no one else should hear.
Crow: <Janeway> They called me mad, pillow. Do you hear? MAD! But I tell you, you CAN mix beer and wine!
Tom: <Janeway> Now I know why they call you 'Extra Firm'!
Mike and Crow: Ugh....
> I'll
>never tell anyone what Chakotay says to me. I'm his "Kathryn", after all.
>
>Part Two
>
>He was gone for a very long time.
Tom: He snuck out under cover of night, to rendezvous with another pillow!
Mike and Crow: <gasp>
>
>In his quarters, it was silent as a grave.
Mike: Alright guys, just hold that imagery in your mind...
Bots: Gotcha.
Mike: Now imagine the tombstone says L. Bowen....
Tom: Yes! I can see it, it's like I'm there!
> When they stripped the sheets
>off the bed,
Crow: Strip searching the bed? And I thought Rodney King had it bad.
> no one replaced them, so I didn't hear any news. He never came
>home at night any more. He'd vanished like Cavit, but no one else took the
>quarters in his place. The last night he was with me, he wasn't interested
>in making love.
Tom: All he wanted to do was talk about fishing.
> He'd come back from an "away mission", which I gather has
>something to do with tramping around in the mud. His bath soap knows more
>about that than I do,
Mike: Oh, *please* tell me we're not going to get the bath soap's perspective.
<The Bots shudder>
> and I only hear what she says second or third hand,
Crow: First Chatokay in the shower, now hands!
Tom: Not a good sign.
>as she's a room away from me.
>
>At first, he seemed in good spirits.
Mike: Probably because he had some good 'spirits' in him.
> Happy and tired, smiling as he got
>undressed. He recorded his first officer's log, talking about surveying a
>planet's surface. He thought it would be a good place for the crew to take
>shore leave,
Crow: Any bets that the indigenous lifeforms are deadly to humans?
Mike and Tom: No way.
> and he said the captain had agreed with him, especially when
>she'd come down to take a look for herself. He'd shown her a special spot
>where the insects were buzzing among the fields of flowers.
Tom: <Janeway> Ow! *slap* Ow! *slap* Blast these mosquitoes! You'll
pay for this back on the ship, Chakotay!
> Then he
>recorded his personal log. He sat there on the sofa with a cup of hot
>pejuta, wearing only his dressing gown, and rambled on about skies and
>sunlight, and sun on a woman's hair.
Mike: < pillow> Good Lord, what a lunatic.
> I'm something of a connoisseur of
>hair.
Tom: Really? I'd never have guessed.
Crow: This pillow sure gets out a lot huh?
> Hers sounded lovely, bright and soft, long enough to brush her back,
>though apparently she had it swept up and confined. I wondered who she was.
>He kept scratching at something on his neck, just above the point where the
>uniform collar lies.
Crow: < Chakotay> Rrrrgh.. Man, I hate when Kathy's right. Darn mosquitoes!
> Eventually, he lost his smile and cut off the
>recording. His neck muscles seemed stiff because he was massaging them with
>one hand.
Mike: So he tried two hands, and when that didn't work....
Crow: His neck muscles better be the only stiff thing in there.
Tom: Amen to that.
> I resolved to support him carefully that night so he wouldn't get
>a worse cramp. By the time he got into bed, it looked like he was aching
>all over. "Guess I overdid it," he muttered, and got a painkiller from
Mike: That smelly plastic baggie in his medicine bag.
>Replicator. But he couldn't go to sleep. I felt like a failure--I cradled
>him gently, his hot face pressing into me as he tossed and groaned. My
>cover is made of Ever-Cool(tm) Engineered
Tom: (tm)
> Rigellian
Crow: (tm)
> Cotton
Mike: (tm)
Tom: Hee hee! That's fun!
> (I'm a Starfleet
>issue pillow, after all),
Tom: Makes ya wonder what Klingon pillows are like.
> but it didn't do any good that night. Eventually
>he doubled up in the center of the mattress, abandoning me at the head of
>the bed. I longed to hold him again and soothe his pain, but he started to
>convulse and kicked me onto the floor.
Mike: And it's good!
<The Bots imitate crowd noises>
> Horrified, I lay crumpled against
>Wastebasket while everyone listened to his agony, helpless. I think
>Communicator saved his life, because I heard a rattle in the bathroom
Crow: Chakotay! You *cradle* robber!
Mike: That's disgusting, Crow, even for you.
> and a
>moment later a voice asking him what was the matter. Then someone opened
>the door and they took him away.
All: <singing> They're coming to take me away, ha-ha!
> Wastebasket tried to comfort me, but I was
>heartbroken.
Tom: <Wastebasket> Look on the bright side. You'll be out of this fanfic, and then I'll become the main character!
>
>They left us there, bereft of our owner. No one told us what was going on.
>They never do.
All: Yeah, you told us already.
> We waited for days. After a long time, some crewmen came in
>and packed up all his clothes and craft supplies. They picked me up and put
>me back on the bed when they'd stripped the mattress.
Crow: Woo-hoo, naked mattress!
Tom: Well, let's take stock here. So far we've had a naked Chakotay and a naked mattress. Anyone care to place any bets on the next naked item?
Crow: I'm hoping for Seven of Nine.
Mike: She's not on the ship yet!
Crow: Who cares? Yowza!
> A slim, dark man came
>in a little later and looked around, then left without a word.
Tom: Tuvok?
Crow: How many black people do you think are on Voyager, Tom?
Tom: Oh, I guess you got a point.
> The door
>shut, and no one came in at all.
Mike: Because coming through a closed door hurts like a bitch.
>
>This went on so long I lost track of time. Chronometer had been packed up
>with the clothes.
Mike: They keep track of time in Star Trek?
Tom: Don't you remember the clock on the viewscreen in Star Trek 6?
Mike and Crow: Fanbot! Faaaanbot!
> I had always reckoned time by the passage of the days and
>nights, waiting patiently for my time of service, enjoying it so deeply
>when it came.
Crow: And especially when Chakotay c-MRMMPH!
Mike: Don't go there!
> So many blissful nights he lay with me, calling me by my
>name, kissing me so sweetly. His hair is short, but it's lovely to touch
>after he's showered. I said so to Spare Uniform once when he was thrown
>across me, and he sniggered rather unpleasantly.
Crow: < Spare Uniform> You should see what *I* get to touch all day!
Mike: Eeeuurgh..
Tom: Man, if the Spare acts like that I'd hate to see what the Regular one does.
> Those uniforms can get a
>little full of themselves.
Tom: And on a nervous crewmember, they can get full of *CRAP*!
Mike: Much like this fanfic.
> He suggested I ask Butch Wax
Crow: So...what do you suppose that's for?
Tom: Mike, if he makes one more comment like that, I'm gonna blow!
> what he meant by
>that, but of course I couldn't since all the toiletries live in the
>bathroom.
Mike: Near the water.
>
>I thought perhaps he was dead. When that occurred to me, I felt as if all
>my filling had been ripped out. Mattress knew I was very sad, and kindly
>told me that everyone was thinking of me since I had been such a favorite
>of his. We all loved him, but I had a name, and he loved me back. I had the
>stains to prove it.
Mike: <gagging> So help me, I think Forrester may have found the one this time!
Tom: Be strong Mike! We can make it!
> Gradually we all fell silent, sitting in the dark room
>that had no passage of day or night. We had no owner any more, and no
>purpose. Why didn't they just recycle us? It would have been more merciful.
Crow: Not to mention good for the environment.
>
>And then he returned, and nearly broke my heart again.
All: Wha wha whaaaa.......
Tom: Heart? What heart? It's a freakin' pillow for god's sake!
>
>Part Three
>
>He opened the door and just walked in, wearing a new uniform.
Crow: A *schoolgirl's* uniform!
Mike: Sailor Chakotay?
All: <shudder>
> Healthy and
>vital, his face tanned, he smelled of the mysterious outdoors.
Tom: Ahh, the sweet smell of dirt.
Mike: You hope that's dirt.
Crow: How does the pillow know what the 'mysterious' outdoors smells like?
> But his
>expression wasn't happy.
Crow: <Chakotay> Damn pillow! What are ya, some kinda freakin' alien?!
> He looked at us without recognition,
Crow: <Chakotay> Hey, this isn't my Butch Wax!
> as if he'd
>never seen us before. We had waited so long for him that we had lost all
>hope. Now that he was back, he looked as if he had lost hope as well. None
>of us knew what to think. He threw a bag of clothes on the bed and left
>them there. Then he walked around the sitting area and looked out the
>viewports. He never sat down, and suddenly he walked out.
>
>Where had he been? Ours not to reason why.
All: Ours is but to do and die!
> We were needed again. The
>clothes were all muffled in the bag and couldn't talk to us,
All: Thank God!
> so we kept our
>own counsel until he came back with more things. New sheets on the bed, new
>towels in the bathroom. He hung up all his clothes and put his stones and
>weavings back on the walls.
Tom: How do you hang stones on the walls?
Crow: And what *kind* of stones? Kidney stones?
Mike: I had a biology teacher who used to keep all of his kidney stones in a jar on a shelf in his classroom.
Bots: EWWWWW!
> They seemed unhappy as well and muttered among
>themselves,
Tom: They probably speak Cherokee, or whatever Chatokay is, anyway.
> not responding when we inquired. They had been with him
>somewhere all this time, without us. I guess they thought they were a
>little better than those who had been left behind. I was caught between joy
>and despair,
Crow: Between Joy and Despair lies.......Obsession........
Mike: That pretty much applies to the whole fanfic.
> not knowing what had happened to upset him. Wasn't he glad to
>be back where he belonged? But when it was time for bed, surely he would
>come to me again so I could comfort him.
Mike: Either that, or he'll curl up with a nice bottle of tequila.
>
>The new sheets did talk to me, though. They had been through many people's
>quarters in all this time and had heard a lot of news.
Tom: < Sheet 1> So then HE said--
Crow: < Sheet 2> Well, I NEVER!
Mike: < Pillow> You got that right, girlfriend.
> Our owner and the
>captain had become very sick and had been left behind for a while until a
>cure was found. Now they were back for good, and the crew was overjoyed.
Crow: Neelix was so happy, he named a new dish after them.
Mike: Really? What did he call it?
Crow: The Gasbag.
>
>That night, he took a long time to get ready for bed. I thought he was
>dawdling deliberately,
Mike: <pillow> You know, I think he's avoiding me deliberately!
> as if he were waiting for something to interrupt
>him. And he seemed to have forgotten where he had put everything. It took
>him ten minutes to locate his shaver in the bathroom--I heard him banging
>around in the drawers. I was very puzzled,
Mike: < pillow> I wondered how he had gotten *into* the drawers.
> because he usually didn't shave
>in the evening. He only needed to do it a couple of times a week at most.
Crow: <snicker>
Mike: I'm watching you, Crow...
Crow: I think we now know what Butch is for!
>Since his cheek would rest against me all night, I could feel just how much
>stubble he had and know when he'd shaved that morning. I supposed that he'd
>picked up new habits
Mike: Quickfire!
Tom: Like picking his nose!
Crow: Smoking crack!
Mike: Chewing tobacco!
Tom: Getting smashed!
Crow: Scratching in public!
All: EWWWWW!
Mike: Well, that killed it...
> wherever he'd been all this time. He paced around,
>looking up whenever there was the slightest sound in the corridor.
Crow: <Chakotay> Daddy? Santa?
> Finally
>past midnight he sighed and got undressed, then sat around for another
>twenty minutes before he finally got into bed. He was just lowering his
>head to me when he sprang up again and went into the bathroom, coming back
>with Communicator.
Tom: Why would he keep his communicator in the bathroom?
Mike: Who knows?
> He put communicator on the nightstand, picked him up as
>if to use him, then put him down. He stared at him for a while, then left
>him there and lay down.
>
>His head was resting on me again after all these months. I had almost
>forgotten what it was like to have him with me, but it all came back in a
>soft, downy rush.
Crow: Getting high, pillow style.
> I waited for him to call me by my name, to make love to
>me again...but he didn't.
All: Thank goodness.
> He was wide awake, but he only touched me softly,
>stroking my cover. Eventually he pulled me into his embrace and we lay
>spoon-fashion, me resting against his chest and hips. He wasn't aroused.
Tom: There's a bad mental image if I ever heard one.
> He
>was holding me only for comfort, one hand wrapped around my upper corner,
>cupping it as his other arm curled around my middle. It felt familiar and
>new at the same time. As if he had been holding someone like this every
>night for weeks, and now she wasn't there any more. I wondered who it had
>been...another pillow?
Tom: That's right! He's been cheating on you with Queen Size Extra Firm! If he can't have Janeway, he'll have her *pillow*!
Mike: Uuurg.. I think I need a Tums...
> But he was back with me now, even if he didn't feel
>like making love. He shifted and turned all night. I think he slept a
>little in the early morning, but not for very long.
>
>The next night was similar, but he seemed even sadder. I'd absorbed his
>tears before on a few occasions, but I was nearly soaking on the upper edge
Crow: Guess Cavit wasn't the only one who drooled!
Tom: Either that or...
Mike: No Tom, upper edge.
>before morning. He put me through the cleaning cycle. Not once did he make
>love to me.
All: YEA!!!!!!!!
> He only held me, sometimes tightly, sometimes gently as if he
>would let me leave if I wanted to... I would never leave him even if I
>could.
Tom: <getting angry> OF COURSE YOU COULDN'T! YOU'RE A FREAKIN' PILLOW!!!! <calms down> Okay. Deep breaths.
> I don't know how anyone could. I'm not a person, only a pillow.
Tom: Well, it finally admitted the truth...now what?
Crow: The end?
> I
>don't know how people think, no matter what they tell me at night. It must
>be very confusing to be a person.
Mike: Nope.
Crow: Damn!
> Objects have only one purpose--to serve
>their owners, and I do that to the best of my ability. But people have to
>do so many things in their lives that I wonder how they can balance them
>all.
Mike: Onna stick!
> How can they find their purpose in life when they have so many
>conflicting choices and responsibilities? It's not always easy being a
>pillow,
Crow: Yeah, you got a *real* rough life. Sheesh.
> since I have so little control over my destiny, but it must be
>easier than being human. I comforted him as well as I could. I knew he had
>loved me once, and perhaps he would again. In the mean time, I would be the
>best friend I could be.
All: <singing> Be! All that you can be!
> Pillows are always there for people to hold. We
>never go away.
Crow: Old pillows never die, they just fade away.
>
>Communicator was silent all this time. He had been gone for a long time
>too, but he had always been talkative, being what he is,
Tom: The only communicator on board with ADD.
> and I thought he
>might tell me more than the wall hangings would. But he wouldn't speak
>much. He seemed to feel guilty about something. "I blame myself," he said
>once, and a stone replied in a hard voice, "You did your duty, sport." When
Tom: <shaking his head rapidly> WHAT?!?
Crow: If the rocks can talk to him, why can't the pillow talk to him?
Mike: Ironic that.
Bots: WHAT?
Mike: A stone with a hard voice.
>Chakotay touched him on the third night, before he got undressed,
Crow: <Chakotay> Hey Kitten, guess what I'm wearing right now...
> I could
>tell he was waiting eagerly for a chance to redeem himself from whatever
>sin he had committed.
Mike: He better start with all those he's committed with this *pillow*.
>"Chakotay to Ja..."
Tom: <Swedish guy> Ja what?
> He didn't finish the phrase, and the connecting chirp
>didn't sound. He took Communicator off and all of us sagged in
>disappointment.
Mike: Pretty impressive considering the walls.
Tom: I don't think the walls are alive.
Crow: Why not? Just about everything else is in this drek.
> I didn't know who he had been trying to call, but he seemed
>to want to talk to that person very much. He sat on the bed and put his
>face in his hands.
Crow: <Chatokay> Why, God why? That's the last time I go to the track!
> The wall hangings sagged so much I thought they would
>fall off their rods. Then the door chime gasped in surprise just before it
>made its sound.
Tom: Great shades of Pod People!
>
>*Breep-boop*.
Bots: <random fx> Whoop whoop, cashunk cashunk, whirrrrrrr.......
> He didn't move for a moment, then said in a dull voice, "Come
>in." The door opened as quickly as it could, and let a woman in. He shot
Mike: <peeking through his hands> Pleasenopleasenopleaseno...
>upright,
Mike: *Whew.*
Tom: Calm *down*, Mike.
> then stood still when she held up one hand. I didn't know her
>since I'd never seen her before. She'd never been in this room. But she had
>bright, soft hair, swept up and confined. It looked like the kind of hair
Crow: That you get by using cheap wigs.
>that should be spread out over a pillow.
Tom: I don't care if she isn't there yet, that better be Seven!
> I could see her through the
>bedroom door until he moved forward. He didn't go to her, but he leaned on
>the doorjamb while she spoke quietly to him. I couldn't quite hear. She
>seemed to be trying to explain something to him, because her voice was low
>and cajoling.
Crow: <Janeway> Come on, it'll be fun!
> He shook his head from side to side, then straightened up. "I
>love you, Kathryn," he said, though he didn't look at me. "Not being with
>you could never change that."
Mike: Janeway vs. the pillow! Who will win Chakotay's affection?
> My spirits took a great leap.
Tom: Not very bright is it?
Crow: It's a pillow Tom.
Tom: Even for a pillow, geez!
> He hadn't
>forgotten me though he had been gone so long. Why he had taken three days
>to tell me that I didn't know, and I didn't care. He turned his back on the
>woman and stared at me. She kept talking, but he wasn't listening.
Mike: < Chakotay> Geez, doesn't she ever shut *up*?
> He only
>had eyes for me. I was in bliss, knowing he would love me now, love me
>forever--
All: <singing> Forever and ever, amen!
>
>Then the woman came a little closer and laid her hand on his shoulder. His
>face froze.
Tom: So Janeway really *is* a frigid old ice queen.
Crow: I've always suspected as much.
Mike: I have an awful feeling that you guys are about to be proved wrong...
> I wished she would go away, since she was only upsetting him
>and delaying his bedtime.
Crow: Nancy says it's time for my nap.
> Then I noticed that all the objects he had
>brought back with him were practically shaking on the walls and tables,
All: EARTHQUAKE!
>quivering with emotion. The whole room was charged with something I didn't
>understand.
Tom: The American Express card! Don't leave home without it.
> As I said, I'm only a pillow. I don't know how people think.
>And how two people think is quite beyond me.
Mike: It's beyond the author as well. Don't feel bad.
> I guess the objects he had had
>with him had learned something about how people interact--more than I know,
>at any rate. But suddenly, before I could tell what had happened, the woman
>was in his arms and he was kissing her. He'd kissed me like that once, long
>ago.
Bots: <nauseous> Ah, geez!
Mike: But where'd he stick the tongue?
Bots: YAHHH!!!!!!!
> Her arms were around his neck and his hands were in her hair. The pins
>fell out and I heard their silvery little voices tinkling
Tom: Ah, incontinent hairpins. Now this story truly has it all. Thank you,fanfic, thank you.
> on the way to the
>floor. I think they were singing.
Crow: <Singing> Jump! Might as well...Jump!
> But my heart was breaking once more.
>
>"Tonight," he said. "Just tonight," and she nodded. They kissed with tears
>running down their faces, pulling at each other's clothes. Soon they
>stepped out of their uniforms and left them on the floor. He backed up
>towards the bed, then
Mike: Tripped, breaking his ankle.
> turned and lowered her. Her hair spilled over me. I
>couldn't avoid it.
Mike: <pillow> My legs didn't seem to work.
> How could he betray me in our own bed,
Tom: Yeah, what a bastard!
Crow: Pillow hater!
> use my softness
>to cushion this strange woman's head? I had no choice. People want people.
>Pillows don't count.
Crow: Pillows don't think.
> He lay down on her and I flattened under their
>combined weight, the soul crushed out of me. I wanted to lose all
>awareness, to be nothing but cloth and fiber and foam.
Mike: Ok! *Poof*, you're a pillow!
Bots: Yeah! Whooohooo!
> Never to have
>loved...
Tom: You'll always have hate!
>
>Then he began to whisper my name, over and over. His hands scooped under
>her head and rested on me as he kissed her, and at last I understood.
Crow: Great! Now that we've raised the consciousness of a pillow, can we go?
> He
>wanted me there because he loved me, and he wanted me to be a part of this,
>which seemed so important to him, which had made him so sad and so happy
>all at once. I had my place again, and I was glad to serve.
Mike: <Frank> Live to serve ya!
>
>And I did, all night. He put me under her hips and we all made love
>together. She was very slim and needed some cushioning to be comfortable
>with his weight on her,
Crow: Chakotay--100% beefy goodness!
Mike: Erk!
> so I provided it joyfully. I supported them both
>and helped them in their pleasure, and it was the greatest pleasure of my
>life. I got very damp, but I didn't mind at all. The sheets draped over us
>All and kept us warm, the mattress cradled us, the bed creaked in harmony.
All: <singing> You're on the top--You're gonna win! You're gonna wiiiin!
>He cried out in passion as I had heard him do so many times, and we all
>answered him. The whole room was singing with love. She slept with her head
>on me and all her glorious hair silky and cool against my cover, and he
Tom: Snored.
>rested behind her spoon-fashion, one arm around her waist and the other
>cupping her breast.
Tom: A.
Crow: C.
Mike: <confused> What?
Bots: <innocently> Ooooh nothing.. heh heh heh...
>I never saw her again. She said goodbye in the morning, and kissed him
>tenderly. It felt like they'd reached an agreement and packed it away like
>some cherished object, the kind you don't want to throw away though there
>isn't any room in the house.
All: Rrrright.
> I have him all to myself. I wish I didn't. I
>wish she would come back and drape her hair over me again. I still don't
>know who she was, because he spoke only my name when she was here. Though
>he doesn't call me "Kathryn" now. He only holds me spoon-fashion, and
>sometimes in the morning, my cover is wet with tears.
>
>END
All: Whoohoo!
*..2..3..4..5..6
<SOL>
Mike: Wow, that was pretty bad, huh guys?
Crow: Yeah, but wouldn't it be considered a lemon because of that last scene?
Tom: Who knows......
<The red light on the console flashes.>
<D13>
Dr. F: How did you like that one Nelson? Ready to bend to my will?
<SOL>
Mike: Geez Doc, it wasn't that bad!
Tom: Yeah, the writing was pretty good, but the subject was just to silly!
Crow: And it didn't have Seven....
All: Sigh......
<D13>
Dr. F: <getting agitated> Oh, get a life you nimrods!! <calms down and begins to grin like a maniac> You will succumb Nelson. I have all the time in the world, and the worst writers in my pocket! It's only a matter of time........Push the button Frank.
Frank: Live to serve you!
<boink>
_________________________________________________________________________
Well, here it is, one of the wierdest mstings I've ever done (or seen for that matter). I'd like to thank M@ Nelson who provided some of the riffs (see if you can tell which ones!), for finding it, and also helping me out with the Wonka Msting. Also, thanks go to L. R. Bowen who made this all possible.
MST3K and anything associated with it belongs to Best Brains.
>>I still don't know who she was, because he spoke only my name when she was here. Though he doesn't call me "Kathryn" now. He only holds me spoon-fashion, and sometimes in the morning, my cover is wet with tears.<<
The End.
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