Still-Store: Money Recon by Ludwig Plutonium, MiSTed by Austin George Loomis.

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Path: nntp.st.usm.edu!whale.st.usm.edu!not-for-mail
From: aloomis@whale.st.usm.edu (Austin George Loomis)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv.mst3k,alt.tv.mst3k
Subject: MST-Hour: "Knowing vs belief" and "Money recon" (MiSTing, Part 1)
Date: 28 Jul 1994 13:02:06 -0500
Organization: Kamen Rider X
Lines: 1129
Message-ID: <318rqu$1vua@whale.st.usm.edu>
NNTP-Posting-Host: whale.st.usm.edu

Xref: nntp.st.usm.edu rec.arts.tv.mst3k:1659 alt.tv.mst3k:25921

[The "Mystery Science Theatre Hour" set, but where's Jack Perkins? Who's
that guy sitting in his chair, looking very casual in sweater and slacks.
Something familiar about his face...hey! That's BRENT SPINER from _Star

Trek: The Next Generation_!]

SPINER: Good evening, and welcome to "Mystery Science Theatre Hour." I'm
Brent Spiner, filling in for the vacationing Jack Perkins. Tonight, we
present a classic post from a classic kook...the great Ludwig Plutonium,
lest we forget.

[SoL. Mike and the Bots arguing about something.]

CROW: "We'll teach them!"

MIKE: "We'll take them!"

TOM: I think I can settle this, guys. [sings] "We'll take them...We'll
take them...Down...PUTTIES!"

[Crow hides his beak in momentary shame.]

MIKE [comforting]: Don't feel so bad. They don't sing it very clearly
anyway. For a while, I couldn't understand any of the lyrics.

TOM [sings]: "Things that are not of this earth/Things that have no
human birth..." I can identify with that.

MIKE: You're identifying with the Putty Patrol? You _are_ weird.

[Comm-sign.]

MIKE: Hold that thought -- Steve and Eydie are calling.

[Goes over to the hexfield and presses the buttons.]

MIKE: What's new in the wonderful world of shambling evil, guys?

[Deep 13. Dr. F and TV's Frank working around a covered form resting
on a slab. The sheet is pushed back at the top, revealing an open cranial
cavity waiting to be filled. We realize that the Mads are in radiation
gear, and that Frank is holding, with tongs, what looks like one of those

Kryptonite Rocks they used to sell in the late 70s.]

DR.F: We are constructing an emergency reviewer. After all, even _I_ am
not mad enough to suppose there's an unending supply of temporary workers
willing to be launched into space for our experiments, isn't that right,
Frank?

FRANK: Oh, I don't know, Steve. I always thought you were _just_ that mad.

DR.F: Frank, as soon as we finish work on this project, remind me to kill
you. [to camera] Actually, you'll be interested to know that this project
was inspired by an experiment I've been saving for you. [holds up reel of
film]

[SoL. Mike squints at the screen, trying to read the film-can.]

MIKE: "The Creature with the Atom Brain"? Is that what we're going to
watch next?

[D13. Dr.F laughs maniacally. He might be _grinning_ maniacally, but
it's hard to tell with the radiation suit and all.]

DR.F: In a sideways manner, it is. As you know, Ludwig Plutonium lost his
Dartmouth net-access recently.

[SoL. Mike stares at the screen, aghast.]

MIKE: You wouldn't _dare._

[D13. Dr.F gives with another maniacal cackle.]

DR.F: As a matter of fact, I would! Hahaha!

FRANK: Nyah-nyah-nyah! I'm sticking out my tongue inside this suit!

[SoL. Mike rolls his eyes.]

CROW: Oh _real_ mature, Frank. You been taking lessons from Tom?

MIKE: Quiet, you two! We've got Atom Totality sign!

[Theatre-doors. 5...4...3...2...]

MIKE: A 23, and the square of 5. He's getting off to a good start.

CROW: Hail Eris. All Hail Discordia.

TOM: Let there be Slack. Keep the lasagna flying.

>Path: nntp.st.usm.edu!darwin.sura.net!spool.mu.edu!agate!library.ucla.edu!
+ galaxy.ucr.edu!not-for-mail
>From: jdolan@ucrmath.ucr.edu (james dolan)

MIKE: What the _hey_? I thought this was a Plutonium post!

CROW: Give me Slack or give me food?

CROW: Fight for the rights of aquatic deities!

>Lines: 768
>Message-ID: <2u24ln$a2i@ucrmath.ucr.edu>
>References: <2tqs0l$1hp@dartvax.dartmouth.edu>
>NNTP-Posting-Host: ucrmath.ucr.edu
>
>glad to oblige; here they are:
>

CROW: The food? The Slack?

TOM: The bullet -- end of all philosophies.

>Newsgroups: alt.conspiracy
>Path: galaxy.ucr.edu!ihnp4.ucsd.edu!swrinde!howland.reston.ans.net!
+ spool.mu.edu!bloom-beacon.mit.edu!world!snet
>From: snet@world.std.com (Ludwig Plutonium)

TOM [Bette Davis voice]: Fasten your seat belts, boys. It's going to be
a bumpy ride.

TOM: No-one will be seated during the famous Plutonium Argument!

>Message-ID: <CrMAAE.LyL@world.std.com>
>Organization: The World Public Access UNIX, Brookline, MA
>Date: Sat, 18 Jun 1994 23:51:49 GMT
>Lines: 94
>
>>>> Page #1
>Origin: CHANNEL1 - 0042 - Beyond

MIKE: "Forty-two"? Is that all you've got to show for seven-and-a-half
million years' work?

TOM [deep booming voice]: It was a tough assignment.

CROW: Kortron -- Replies of Fate!

>-------------------------------------------------------------------
> DW> > Prey tell, what *is* love by your definition? How does one find
> DW> > this love?
>

CROW [starts singing like Jody Watley]: "Real love/Know I'm gonna have
one/Real love/Gonna try and get some..."

CROW [sings]: "Don't need your opinions/Just need your advice...Real
Love..."

CROW [sings]: "I'm just a soul whose intentions are good..."

TOM: You're crabbin' my act, bowling-beak.

MIKE: Whether it wants to or not.

TOM: Careful or you might step in it!

CROW: Because it's connected to the physical reality about like a
Bert Gordon dinosaur.

MIKE: Boy, I've heard of the energy crisis, but this is ridiculous!

CROW: F-sharp above High C, as heard on ALIEN NATION.

TOM: Continue their piano lessons.

MIKE: Don't say it, Crow.

CROW: Sidewalks. I was going to say sidewalks.

MIKE: We're here! We're true! Get used to it!

TOM: Pick up the phone and call.

CROW: Operators are standing by picking their noses.

TOM: You have been remembered by the Superior Rational.

MIKE: When you say "science", do you mean a rational process of
evaluation of the facts, or the formulation of random theories
with no discernible relation to the observable universe?

TOM: We _are_ talking about Ludwig Plutonium here.

MIKE: I know. It was a rhetorical question.

>The truths ARE within your very consciousness, even in
>your cells. The reason Walter says the truths are waiting for you to
>remember, is that they are stored in MEMORY.

TOM [Preacher voice]: They can get back to the place where the Primal
Information still _remembers itself._ They can find "Bob".

>Science can show how the
>universe, REMEMBERS, and it is done via SHAPES and FORMS. I am still
>currently studying about this Science, which is called by some, Sacred
>Geometry.

CROW ["Butthead" voice]: Huh-huh, huh-huh...Pythagoras is cool or something.
TOM ["Beavis" voice]: Yeah! Heh-heh, heh-heh. The Golden Mean ROCKS!!

MIKE: No Beavis and Butthead, guys!

TOM: And ye shall know the Truth, and the Truth will set you free.

CROW: Free from what?

MIKE: If it's Ludwig you know it from, free from the Truth.

MIKE: Like Ludwig Plutonium.

TOM [sings]: "This/Is/Radio Clash/Tearing off the Seventh Veil!"

TOM: Dying animals on a doomed planet.

TOM: Boredom, like a mountain stream. Cool, refreshing boredom.

> DW> > The veil "placed their by others"? Is this a physical barrier.
> DW> > Something 'placed' between you and I, by 'someone' - "others".
>

TOM: Just between you and I, hardly anyone uses their pronouns right
anymore.

MIKE: Now, Tom, remember -- no spelling or grammar flames.

TOM: But this one burns me up so _much!_

CROW: He said it, I didn't.

> is there is a veil
> DW> > between all higher levels of consciousness and those on a lower
> DW> > level. The veil, *is* a separation of consciousness.(?)
>

TOM: The post, *is* an abrogation of logic.

CROW: And you can see them all Wednesday nights on FOX!

MIKE: Kind'a like the four Supermen.

> In this
> WB> computer there are programed paths of access to the very many
> WB> levels. The veil is the corrupt process that programmed you into
> WB> forgetting the paths of access.
>

TOM [sings]: "This/Is/Radio Clash using audio ammunition!/This/Is/Radio
Clash, can we get that world to listen?"

CROW: He knows everything, so there is nothing for him to learn.

TOM: Those of you who think you know it all are really annoying to those
of us who do.

>The veil is likened here to a 'bad' program that blocks
>your access to these memories. The different models that Walter
>refers to here, are the different kinds of people presently incarnated
>on Earth, who have different abilities to access the memory.

CROW: Like RAM, ROM, EPROM, and WORM.

MIKE: So there are actually three different species and we just _think_
it's all the same human race? _That_ makes sense.

>Science can show that these three groups of people have different
>access levels of consciousness. The chromosomes are 42+2, 44+2, and
>46+2.
>

CROW [Ford Prefect voice]: Six by nine, forty-two?
TOM [Arthur Dent voice]: I always _said_ there was something fundamentally
wrong with the Universe.

> WB> The separation of consciousness, which is in everyone and thing
> WB> is the ability to access it. In the word belief. Which means in
> WB> reality to belie is the word lie.

MIKE: We talking belief here, or belie?

TOM: We're talking Big Lie. It is Plutonium, after all.

TOM: Which we could have remembered from alt.clearing.technology if we'd
wanted to.

CROW: Sounds like this guy's been taking lessons from Scar.

TOM [Li'l Simba voice]: "You're _so_ weird, Uncle Ludwig."
MIKE [his best worst Jeremy Irons voice]: "You have _no_ idea."

TOM: One assumes a "beingness" where past crimes highlighted the
direction of a "havingness".

>has been changed to belief. How many times have
>we seen people telling others, 'oh, that's your belief', but the other
>person says, 'no, I know this'.

MIKE: Every time we see Plutonium trying to defend the Atom Totality
against logic.

MIKE: That egg exploded in my face, and when I awoke, the knowingness
was literally in me...AND NOW IT WANTS OUT!

TOM [sings]: "And...when I awoke...I was alone, this kook had flown..."

ALL [join in]: "So...I built a fire...Isn't it good...Plutonium wood."

>These people who are able to KNOW things are the
>ones who will tell you that they know by 'intuition'. The others who
>tell them that they 'believe' are those who only allow themselves to
>know by 'intellect'

MIKE: Down! Down, presumptuous human reason! A rational mind is the
Devil's workshop!

TOM: Phht. Yeah, never listen to anyone "outside" yourself.

CROW: Always carefully devour anyone you plan to learn from.

>and even then, they will not acknowledge that they are
>actually 'believing' what they are told, and still do not KNOW it at
>all ). This is what the GREAT LIE in the Bible, might be referring
>to;

TOM: Which Great Lie in the Bible?

CROW: I think he means the Bible itself.

MIKE: Not likely. It's a _good_ lie, but not a _great_ lie.

TOM: Yes. We can prove our intuition just by looking at the Universe and
taking notes.

MIKE: It's here, but they _will be_ saying the same thing? Can you
say "contradiction city"?

>LUDWIG PLUTONIUM | FidoNet 1:330/201.0
>SearchNet HeadQuarters | InterNet GS@rochgte.fidonet.org
>Snet Mailing List info, Send | Data: 508-586-6977 / 617-961-4865
>info snet-l | Download SEARCHNT.ZIP For Info!

CROW: Better yet, just mail me direct.

>majordomo@world.std.com | Voicemail: +1-617-341-6114
>Searchnet.zec@channel1.com | FidoNet CHANNELS I_UFO moderator
>
> * RM 1.3 * Despite the cost of living, it remains popular.
>
>

[D13. Dr.F swings shut the lid on the skull of the form under the sheet.]

DR.F: Done. Press the button, Frank.

[Frank presses a button. Rings of Cerenkov-blue [OPTICAL] loop around
the slab and its concealed occupant.]

FRANK: What now, Steve?

DR.F: We give the lab a few minutes to cool down while we get changed out
of this radiation gear. Start the decontam cycle before we go.

[Frank presses another button, and then the Mads walk out, turning off
the lights as they go. The form on the slab is still glowing faintly
in the dark.]

[Commercial sign. The Mentos jump-off-the-bridge ad somebody dreamed
recently.]

[D13. The form on the slab is still glowing faintly. It begins to twitch
like a galvanized frog or a man having a grand mal, then raises one arm
straight up.]

TOM: I'd like to thank the fine people at Dartmouth for giving me this
totally useless brain.

>Message-ID: <CrMAAH.LzJ@world.std.com>
>Organization: The World Public Access UNIX, Brookline, MA
>Date: Sat, 18 Jun 1994 23:51:52 GMT
>Lines: 54
>
>>>> Page #2. Continued from the previous message...
>
>
>One can see how the LIE is self-perpetuating.

MIKE: Yeah. Just ask Schicklgruber.

>As any individual
>breaks free of the deception and awkakens/remembers/knows, he is told
>by others that he only 'believes' and has no proof; telling him that
>he requires proof.

TOM: What the Thinker thinks, the Prover proves.

>Thereafter this awakened individual is less
>effective in awakening others, and actually reinforces the LIE in
>those who are asleep. What an ingenious and terrible, TRAP.
>

CROW [Amanda Wingfield voice]: You _are_ a trap, Laura. A pretty trap.

TOM: Electrogravitic? Magnetohydrodynamic?

CROW: Not to mention sheer BS.

TOM: I just hope _Dale_ outlives him, at least.

>Something that you
>hear or read, perhaps even dream, may trigger a part of the Memory
>within you, and you begin to awaken to your own knowingness.

TOM: Scio is knowing and open food in The Homicide Act. Logos you got
it? Dia through noose.

MIKE: Remind me to scrub the William S. Burroughs files off your brain.

MIKE: It's a wheel in a wheel, 'way in the middle of Ludwig's brain.

TOM: Those damn engrams'll trip you up every time.

>The remembrance
>starts out as faith, as the person is unsure, due to heavy
>indoctrination that tells him that he cannot know unless something
>outside himself tells him,

CROW: Like, for instance, the universe.

MIKE: He learns too late that man is a feeling creature.

TOM: So's a figure that sets Pi at 3.

MIKE: So are two contradictory accounts of creation.

CROW: So are _four_ contradictory accounts of Jesus.

TOM [Voice of God]: SO WHAT'S YOUR POINT?

MIKE: Time to hop on the Cosmic Treadmill and run right through it!

TOM: If I'd had amnesia, I'd remember it!

CROW: No, don't reboot me _now_! I've just seen "Measure of a Man"!

TOM: You yes you _can and must_ self-deprogram! "Bob" is now doing it
for you by making you now do it!

CROW: It had zip to do with observable events, but it sure was
informative!

TOM: Well, _that's_ an impressive academic credential.

MIKE: Oh boy. That was a joke. Everybody laugh.

TOM: Ha ha. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.

CROW: Terminator hits the north, Alan Moore knows the score. Can you
dig it?

[SoL. Mike and the bots.]

TOM: Actually, in light of Wilsonian philosophy, there was a lot of good
sense in there.

CROW: I suppose. But even Robert Anton Spacehead doesn't advocate the
complete abandonment of reason.

MIKE: Crow's right. Reason is the best way we have of knowing about what
goes on around us. [sign] We've got commercial sign!

[Zometimez, you juzt gotta break the rulez of zpelling.]

[Darkness. Suddenly, the lights come on, revealing that we're back in
Deep 13. TV's Frank has just turned on the lights. He moves into the

room, Dr. Forrester following. At the same time, they and we notice:]

FRANK: The slab is empty, Steve!

DR.F: I can see that, you nitwit!

[Suddenly, a huge shambling unthinkable thing with a tiny bitty head
emerges from the shadows behind them. Frank turns around and sees it.]

FRANK [taps Dr.F on the shoulder]: Uh, Steve...?

DR.F: Not now, you moron! I'm trying to figure out where it went!

THING: HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

DR.F [turning around]: Frank, I told you not to bother meEEEEEEEEE!

[The Mads back into a corner and try to hide behind each other, as the
thing shambles closer, ever closer, finally reaching out and grabbing
them both.]

THING: Wanna sing some Plutonium carols?

TOM: Money reconnaissance?

CROW: Isn't that what they do in the NFL?

MIKE: _I_ thought it was a college football thing.

>Message-ID: <CrMAJ2.KF@world.std.com>
>Organization: The World Public Access UNIX, Brookline, MA
>Date: Sat, 18 Jun 1994 23:57:01 GMT
>msgid: 114:1/0 68930205
>Lines: 88
>
>>>> Page #1
>
>HISTORY OF THE RECONSTRUCTION APPLICATIONS
>

TOM [sings]: "When the world -- is a monster...Bad to swallow -- you
whole..."

CROW: That's _Fables_ of the Reconstruction, Tom.

MIKE: This information is being supplied in order to inform you, courtesy
of the Department of Redundancy Department.

CROW: I _knew_ the S&L mess was bad, but stealing an entire _lifestyle?_

TOM: Set up by money! They _told_ you money was the root of all evil.
"This stuff IS in the Bible, you know."

TOM: So government is a vampire.

MIKE: This is alt.conspiracy we're talking. How could it be shown as
anything else?

TOM: Not from real life, that's for sure.

> You may, after you read this, decide you want to put in a
>claim to recover assets you have lost because of fraudulent and
>illegal practices inflicted on you by our lending institutions
>and judicial system. If you do,

CROW: Feel free to kiss our--
[Mike clamps a hand on Crow's beak]

TOM: Operators are _still_ standing by picking their noses.

CROW: Until you get it.

> A class action effort is under way in Denver, Colorado which
>is in the 10th U.S. District Court in the Baskerville and Foster
>case. This case is the foundation on which all the reconstruc-
>tion claims will be filed. More about this later.
>

MIKE: As you value your life or your reason, keep away from this post.

TOM: They accomplished all of human history?

CROW: They _are_ the Illuminati, after all.

MIKE: Because they kept mistaking their neighbors for Vietcong.

TOM: People who manufacture nations?

CROW: The same medical profession that launched the AIDS epidemic from
Fort Gallo?

TOM: We'll be back after somebody's briefs, but first, a word about
mange.

CROW [sings]: "Ruling classes...Kiss their--"

TOM [Butthead voice]: Don't make me hit you, Beavis!
CROW [Beavis voice]: You can't hit me -- your arms don't work! Heh-heh!

MIKE: I told you -- NO BEAVIS AND BUTT-HEAD!

>poor and in deplorable conditions because that made them easier
>to rule and control. These conditions finally brought about a
>revolution. Because there had been so many intermarriages
>between the ruling families of Europe,

CROW: Babies were being born with nine heads.

>those of the ruling
>families in France escaped to England and were accepted and
>protected. Those who did not flee France were beheaded. Those
>that fled to England became

MIKE: Sir Guy of Gisborne!

>Wigs or the lawyers and judges which
>was the basis of the English Bar. The wealthiest family on the
>whole European continent was the Rothchilds.

TOM: Not now -- I'm right in the middle of a Rothchild genealogy.

>The Rothchilds made
>a deal with the monarchs to supply all of the paper money to
>subvert the economies if they were paid back in gold. Under our
>Constitution, our monetary system was established on the basis of
>gold and silver as the standard.
>

TOM: You shall not crucify mankind upon a cross of gold.

> In the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution and the
>Preamble to the Constitution several references are made to
>"Titles of Nobility". Our forefathers never wanted to have
>"Titles of Nobility" included in our government.

MIKE: And that goes _double_ for rich micks who sleep around and kill
their girlfriends, nyah nyah!

CROW: Have you been taking Limbaugh lessons again?

TOM: Limbaugh lower now...How low can you go?

MIKE: If it's Rush, pretty darn low.

TOM: You mean the Elders of Zion weren't _already_ in control?

> Just before the Civil War, 16 states ratified the original
>13th Amendment prohibiting the granting of "Titles of Nobility"
>as well as prohibiting anyone who accepted, from retaining their
>citizenship or holding public office. (The ratification of the
>13th Amendment by Virginia, the last state needed to make it an
>amendment, was suppressed partly by taking advantage of the poor
>communication of the period.)

MIKE: And they were so successful that to this day, _even Virginia_ has
no idea it ratified the amendment!

>A fire occurred in Washington,
>D.C. in which a lot of records were destroyed. The fire was
>believed to be set as part of the cover-up of the ratification by
>the 16th state, but the fact that it had been ratified by 16
>states, was published and printed in the other 15 states as well
>as in some of the areas that were territories at the time.

CROW: But that darn Dominant Liberal Media Culture took control and hid
the Truth -- UNTIL NOW!

>The
>"Title of Nobility" amendment was hidden from the public by the
>group that it would have the greatest effect on, which is law-
>yers.
>

TOM [sings]: "Among the human beans/In their designer jeans/Am I the
only one who hears the screams?"

ALL [join in]: "And the strangled cries of/Lawyers in love..."

> After the Civil War, the 14th Amendment was passed which was
>referred to as the Slavery Amendment. It said that "All" people
>born or naturalized citizens are subject to the jurisdiction of
>the United States. The term subject means slave.

TOM: I thought "subject" meant the active participant in a sentence.

CROW: Perhaps in your fantasies I inferred that there was an inequality
among citizens.

MIKE: "All men continued in the next message"? That _can't_ be right!

CROW [sings]: A-tom...

MIKE: I see someone gave him a much-needed .sig-ectomy.

[SoL. Mike is looking through an encyclopedia.]

MIKE [reads]: "All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and
subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United
States and of the state wherein they reside." Well, that settles
that.

CROW [reads over Mike's shoulder]: And that's the Civil Rights Amendment.
The _13th_ is the Slavery Amendment.

TOM: That's just what the lawyers _want_ you to think, ya dupe!

MIKE: Are your batteries running down, Tom?

[Commercial sign.]

[In the jungle, the mighty jungle, annoying people who start singing in
Burger Kings will be devoured by Shenzi, Banzai and Ed, purely as a
public service.]

[SoL. Mike wanders over to the hexfield.]

MIKE: Well, I suppose we'd better check on Groo and the Sage. They
usually call to gloat more often.

[D13. The Shambling Thing and the Mads are singing.]

SHAMBLING: Once more, from the top...

ALL [sing]: "Joy to the World/The Atom Totality comes!"

[SoL. Mike walks away from the hexfield, shaking his head.]

TOM: What's going on?

MIKE: Believe me, guys -- you'd _never_ believe me.

[Doors.]

TOM: Shampoo and condition _your_ cash with Vidal Plutonium Selectives.

>Message-ID: <CrMAJ5.LH@world.std.com>
>Organization: The World Public Access UNIX, Brookline, MA
>Date: Sat, 18 Jun 1994 23:57:05 GMT
>msgid: 114:1/0 68930323
>Lines: 89
>
>>>> Page #2. Continued from the previous message...
>
>were created equal with certain inalienable rights". The 14th
>Amendment took them all away in 1868.
>

MIKE: Tell it to Langston Hughes, guy.

> In 1913, the Federal Reserve Act was passed which was both
>unlawful and unconstitutional. The Rothchilds came in and
>subverted our economy.

TOM: Another amendment to the Protocols of the Elders of Mars.

>The deal was made that they would put a
>billion dollars into our economy in exchange for the
>establishment of the Federal Reserve which they would own. There
>was included a buy-out clause which will become important and
>will be discussed later on.

CROW: Oh yes. I'm _dying_ of suspense here.

CROW: All reports are in! Life is now officially unfair!

TOM: "if you can't take the heat, get you *ahem* out the kitchen/We on a
mission"

CROW: Was he beaten? Was he tortured?

MIKE: Then the Hindenburg went down, and silver went down in flames with
it.

>The act that FDR used to justify signing that executive order was
>the War Powers Act, ratified in 1916. This is legislation that
>was designed during the war to allow decisions to be made rapidly
>by bypassing Congress, but was used as an emergency act to allow
>the Federal Reserve to take over the monetary system.
>
>
> Our nation went bankrupt in 1933.

TOM: I thought it was scheduled to go bankrupt in 1995.

CROW: He blew up his brain trying to remember how to spell his name!

MIKE: And werewolves across the country breathed a little easier.

TOM: DC is a _constitution_? I thought it was just a chunk of land!

>This needed only two people in each state
>to ratify it. To take effect, that was done by two congressmen
>from each state. It was really designed to be only for a 10 mile
>square area for the seat of our

CROW: Giant bellbottoms.

MIKE [druggie voice]: I'm gonna have homeless families living under my
pants.

TOM: I thought total control was in the hands of the Imperial Congress.

CROW: _I_ thought it was the Corporate-CIA-Mafia axis.

MIKE: _I_ think this guy is just a kook.

CROW: Give Ludwig Plutonium a working brain.

>install a new constitution in place of our original constitution.
>This would have placed everyone who is in office now, in office
>for 25 years and removed our rights to hold elections to elect
>new officials. We already had another constitution that was
>instituted in 1982 called the District of Columbia.
>

TOM: Ludwig Plutonium in "Escape from the Planet of the Clueless."

> In 1916, the Federal Land Bank originally submitted its
>charter. These papers were returned to them 4 days later for
>corrections. They were never resubmitted. For 6 years, there
>were repeated demands to have the papers resubmitted by the
>Bureau of Records. In 1932, it was investigated as to whether

MIKE: Ludwig Plutonium's birth was a harbinger of the post-brain era in
human evolution.

>the Federal Land Bank was legal and had filed with the Bureau of
>Records. It was found that they were not. They have since tried
>to file, but have been denied because of the original foul-up.

CROW: If they couldn't get it right the first time, why give them a
second chance?

MIKE: Don't laugh -- I had friends in college who thought like that.

>They tried to change their name to Farm Credit Services and were
>denied because their official name and charter was the Federal
>Land Bank. They then tried as simply Farm Credit. The U.S.
>Supreme Court ruled that Federal Land Bank is a misnomer because

TOM: Nobody ever says "Good as land in the bank."

>it never existed legally. The National Banking Act required them
>to register with either the State or Federal Bureaus. State
>banks registered with the State and Federal Banks with the Feder-
>al Reserve, neither one registered with both. The Federal Re-
>serve is not filed or registered with the Federal Bureau of
>Registry or with any of the states.
>

CROW: Now how did they forget _that_ one?

> The Farm Credit Act mentions the District of Columbia juris-
>diction. In law week 6-LW-3233. There is a Supreme Court case,
>Williams vs. Federal Land Bank of Jackson, Oct. 6, 1992, 12 USC
>2278 (A) - 1 (B).

CROW: That disembodied clause about law week 6lw3233. Does it attach to
the sentence ahead or the one behind?

TOM: Quit thinking, you'll screw up his rhythm.

MIKE: If you're looking for meaning, you won't find it here.

>Federal judicial power extends to all Federal
>instrumentalities. All Federal instrumentalities are subject to
>the jurisdiction of the Federal District Court for the District
>of Columbia. When the Federal Agencies and instrumentalities
>moved against us in foreclosures and other actions, they took us
>to state district courts which assumed jurisdiction which they
>did not legally have. They took people into a court that was
>displaying a flag with a golden fringe on it.

TOM [sings]: Oh them golden fringes/Oh them golden fringes

>The golden fringe
>on the flag indicated this was a court under military maritime
>law. In a court displaying this type flag you have no Constitu-
>tional rights and your civil rights are violated. How can you
>receive a fair trial when you are in a court where you have no
>
>>>> Continued to the next message...
>
>--- GEcho 1.02+

MIKE: Well, guys, what have we learned?

TOM: We've learned that belief is knowing and knowing is belief...no,
that's not right...we've learned that knowing is better than
belief, except when the knowing is really belief...

CROW: We've learned that the government lies and history is written by
the winners.

MIKE: No, we've learned that giant shambling things can't write lyrics,
and the Mads can't sing.

[D13. Shambling Thing and the Mads in choir robes.]

SHAMBLING & MADS ["Amen" rhythm]: Atom...

[MST-Hour set. Spiner making Data and Lore figures hit each other.]

SPINER: Take that! "Take that!" [looks up, startled] Oh! I'm Brent
Spiner. For all of us at Mystery Science Theatre Hour, especially
for Jack Perkins (wherever he is), goodnight!
--
MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATRE 3000 and its related characters and situations are
trademarks of and (c) 1994 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes
only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by

Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.
Brent Spiner appears through my own decision to be weird, and his behavior
is not necessarily meant as an accurate portrayal. If the real Brent
Spiner reads this and takes offense, my apologies.
--
Austin.Loomis,aloomis@whale.st.usm.edu,70415.1160@compuserve.com,zedd@io.com
"Tenants of the house,/Thoughts of a dry brain in a dry season." (TS Eliot)
DISCLAIMER: I'm honest enough not to claim I'm really speaking for anyone
but my ownself.

Part 2 of 2.

Article: 1685 of rec.arts.tv.mst3k

Path: nntp.st.usm.edu!whale.st.usm.edu!not-for-mail
From: aloomis@whale.st.usm.edu (Austin George Loomis)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv.mst3k,alt.tv.mst3k
Subject: Money recon [MiSTied] -- Hour 2
Date: 29 Jul 1994 12:27:20 -0500
Organization: Denjin Zaboga
Lines: 1103
Message-ID: <31be5o$248m@whale.st.usm.edu>
NNTP-Posting-Host: whale.st.usm.edu

Xref: nntp.st.usm.edu rec.arts.tv.mst3k:1685 alt.tv.mst3k:25963

[The MST Hour set. Brent Spiner is still in the chair. Ranged along the

table in front of him are action figures: Data, First Seasons Data, Lore,
and Data as a Romulan.]

SPINER: Welcome to the second half of our Mystery Science Theatre Hour
special. I'm Brent Spiner, filling in for Jack Perkins, who is still
hors de combat. Last time, Mike and the 'bots were subjected to some
strange mystical ramblings about how we already know everything,
except the things we think we know. Something like that, anyway.
We also began "Money recon", a strange work of revisionist history
about how lawyers are even more evil than you ever suspected and FDR
destroyed the meaning of America. And now, the conclusion of our

Ludwig Plutonium retrospective.

[SoL. Mike and the bots staring at the hexfield.]

MIKE: What happened?

[D13. It looks like there's been an explosion. The Mads are covered
with soot, as are the walls.]

DR.F: Apparently, the Shambling Thing's plutonium brain destabilized.

FRANK: I think I need a shower, Steve.

DR.F: Very well. [turns to go] Enjoy the rest of this post, Mr. Nelson!

[SoL as before.]

TOM: Speaking of Plutonium brains destabilizing...

MIKE: We've got Illuminati sign!

[Theatre doors.]

CROW: Yeah, this one is up to Bloom Beacon standards of journalism.

TOM: Spoken like a true flightless waterfowl.

TOM: MAJ? I thought that was reserved for posts about Majel Barrett-
Shatner!

MIKE: No, just posts that have no relation to reality.

CROW: Contact Leader Kibo. Inform him that Dr. Plutonium has escaped
from the zoo and bitten himself to death.

TOM: Middles.
MIKE [simultaneously with Tom]: Uppercuts.

TOM: Ludwig Plutonium, Alexander Abian, Hannu Porupovas, John_-_Winston,
Michael Courtney, Floyd_-_Meyer, Kahler Stuart Glenn...

CROW: I wish they'd both dive into Grimpen Mire and disappear.

TOM: She's practicing to be Afrocentric if she grows up.

CROW: Ferdinand Marcos, Manuel Antonio Noriega, Saddam Hussein, Ronald
W. Reagan, William J. Clinton...

TOM: George Herbert Walker Norris Wainwright Armoire Vestibule "Pookie"
Bush IV...

MIKE: And, in general, any politician anywhere.

TOM: Waitwaitwait. Didn't he say those two were the same thing last time?

CROW: You're assuming he said something meaningful last time.

TOM: You're right. I'm sorry.

> Credit Bank of Wichita
> Federal Land Bank of Wichita, A Corporation
> First Interstate Bank of Fort Collins
>Earnest L. Wilmer, an individual Fisher,

MIKE: A Fisher King, even.

TOM: Stonefriend, Stonefriend, Thwickhammer, Thwickhammer, Thwickhammer,
Thwickhammer, and Stonefriend, of Lincoln's Inn.

CROW: If they're individuals, why are these individual_ists_ taking them
to court?

MIKE: Because they're the wrong _kind_ of individuals.

CROW: Oh. And who gets to define the wrong kind of individuals?

MIKE: "Shut up," he explained.

MIKE: Voodoo economics.

TOM: They're punishing the producers! We must sacrifice our sacrifices!
Let the men of the mind go on strike!

MIKE: Have you been reading Stephen Grossman posts again?

CROW: When _I_ got a loan? Listen, duckweed...

TOM: Which one was it? It's obvious you were there when I got this loan
(and I wasn't), so you tell me.

>to get your loan with the lender as
>beneficiary so in case you died the loan would be paid off. It
>was a default policy. If they could force you into default so
>you couldn't pay your note, they were paid off by the policy you
>bought, plus they got the property back.
>

MIKE: Somebody dub this into English, please.

TOM: This post is just sitting on my head and crushing it.

TOM: SearchNet, the Abian Institute, Winston_-_Technologies...

TOM: Banks? _All_ banks are fraudulent?

CROW: One for rich white guys, the other for everyone else.

MIKE: You been takin' Marx lessons again?

CROW: No, just watching the news.

TOM [sings]: "When the Moon/Is in the Seventh House/And Jupiter/Aligns
with Mars..."

CROW [interrupts]: Ludwig Plutonium will make something resembling sense.

MIKE: I always _thought_ Congress was unconstitutional.

TOM: And I'm gonna light out for them ahead of the rest.

CROW: Which they do at the close of business every day anyway.

MIKE: As opposed to what we're in right now, I suppose.

TOM: Another Single-Planet Theory fails. All out of time and into space!

MIKE: Remind me to program you with the formula for Prozac, Tom.

>
> The 1936 National Banking Act required all lending
>institutions to register their original charters with the Federal
>and State Bureau of Records. None of them complied.

MIKE: Actually, they did, but the paperwork got buried in soft peat and
recycled as firelighters.

TOM: There is none righteous, no, not one, for all have defaulted and come
short of the glory of Gold.

CROW: Unless your religion isn't approved of by ATF.

TOM: Will that mean an end to Mentos ads?

> There will be a new banking system and banks will register
>with the new system. Those that don't will be taken over by the
>government and controlled by the government.

TOM: Hey, waitaminnit, I thought the government was The Enemy Which Must
Die!

MIKE: That's the government we have _now_, Tom. The _new_ one will be
better than that.
CROW [starts humming "Meet the new boss, same as the old boss" under what
would be his breath if he breathed]
MIKE: Did you say something, Crow?

CROW: Just -- clearing dust off my voice-box.

TOM [sings]: "Silver and gold...Silver and gold...Mean so much more
when I see..."

CROW: Taken out and shot!

TOM: Y'see, Crow? We'll give 'em a fair and honest trial -- _then_
we'll take 'em out and shoot 'em.

MIKE: Appeared in a Chuck Norris film.

TOM: Two pairs of shoes and/or a necktie.

CROW: But it's okay, since none of those assets exist anyway. Remember:
all these organizations are fraudulent.

TOM: Even foreign countries?

MIKE: Amazing, isn't it?

TOM: A nearby phone-booth, and turned into SUPER-SURVIVALIST!

MIKE: By this time my eyeballs were aching for air.

TOM [sings]: He sees the family home now/Looming in his headlights/The
pain upstairs that makes his eyeballs ache...

MIKE: Do you think maybe he could have avoided breaking off in the middle
of sentences like that?

TOM: Probably, but that would require at least one clue.

MIKE: Oh right. I keep forgetting we're talking about Ludwig Plutonium.

CROW: Commercial sign in five...four...three...two...

[Daffy Duck demands that you shoot him now. Elmer Fudd gives him the
Mentos Finger. "Mentos, fwesh and fuww of wife!"]

[SoL as before.]

MIKE: We're not hearing _nearly_ enough from the Brainiac Brigade. I
hope nothing's happened to them.

TOM: Don't tell you _like_ them. Remember, they conked you on the noggin...

MIKE: ...and they shot me into space, yeah, but they _do_ control the food
and oxygen supply on this little home-away-from-gravity-well.

CROW: You're right...in a crazy way, I guess I _do_ hope nothing's
happened to them...

BOTS: NAH!

[D13. The Mads cowering in terror from something we can't see.]

DR.F: Don't hurt us. Please!

VOICE FROM OFF-CAMERA: You should have thought of that _before_ you
unleashed us. _Never_ call up what you cannot put down! MWAHAHAHA!

MIKE: stimpy.aol.com!jadzia.prodigy.com!dead-cow.netcom.com!metzger@f5.
n17.z23.fidonet.org!

TOM: Ah recon money ain't worth a dayum thang no maw...

>Message-ID: <CrMAJD.pA@world.std.com>
>Organization: The World Public Access UNIX, Brookline, MA
>Date: Sat, 18 Jun 1994 23:57:13 GMT
>msgid: 114:1/0 68930577

TOM: Y'know, I just noticed -- this _is_ a FidoNet post.

CROW: Remind me to note that on my Bonehead Reply Form.

TOM: Hey, Crow -- when you fill out the Bonehead Reply Form, remember to
note that it was a FidoNet post.

MIKE: We now join our regularly scheduled babblings already in progress.

TOM: And now _you_ can collect your fair share of what we rightfully
stole, just by calling 1-800-CON-GAME.

> Over 800 trillion dollars was collected, enough to back
>every dollar in circulation and more. It is deposited in various
>places all over the country.
>

TOM: Bury $3125 in your backyard. One of our Underground Agents will
contact you shortly.

> This started over 18 years ago, but only in the last 1 1/2
>years have these groups been reclaiming our assets. Cosmos, a
>former CIA organization, broke

CROW: Every law on the books and some that were written just so we
could break them.

MIKE: It was just like Company days.

TOM: Pad our own pockets at the total expense of the taxpayer!

CROW: And into the wallets of the government, which only wants to
hug you.

MIKE: Just ignore that hand in your back pocket. It's -- an affectionate
gesture. Yeah, dat's da ticket.

TOM [Michael Palin voice]: A lad out in the hallway with a thermonuclear
device, and they wanted a few words.

CROW: Nationalize any company making more than a mill a year.

>declare martial law. They
>did not want to invoke it, but they threatened him with it. They
>ordered Bush to take the necessary steps to take us back to the
>Constitution.
>
>

MIKE: We order you to take America back to democracy at gunpoint. This
is John Galt speaking.

> When Bush was campaigning, he kept talking about the New
>World Order. During the Iraq War he kept talking about NWO.
>Less than one year ago, Bush changed his physical appearances and

TOM: Started sleeping in a bucket every night.

>never spoke of the New World Order. After this, he always ended
>debates or speeches with "May God bless the United States of
>America". He never repeated the words "New World Order" ever
>again.

TOM: Legssus takes the New World Fnorder to Shig's cube-loving palace.

>Bush was ordered by the military to quit using the term
>"New World Order" and this shows the influence of the military.
>This also is the reason Clinton has backed off Bosnia.
>

TOM: I thought he was just bein' a waffle.

CROW: That's because he Doesn't Inhale.

TOM: Six out of ten Americans can't be wrong! Impeach Slick Willie!

MIKE: Good thing I'm a Real American and voted for the Bush-Perot ticket.

>Thirdly, without a majority
>vote, it should have been decided in the House of Representa-
>tives. Three other requirements for the president to be official

MIKE: 1) He must not be an alien cyborg like Algore--

TOM: Y'got something against alien cyborgs?

> 1) He must have a complete cabinet appointed within 100
>days of taking office. Clinton still does not have a complete
>and confirmed cabinet.
>

CROW: Thanks to the vigilance of the District of Columbia.

MIKE: If it looks like a state of the union address, smells like a
state of the union address, and quacks like a state of the union
address...

TOM: I thought it was more like 106%.

>the only legal Congress. When Roy
>Schwasinger began in October, 1992, he said he was under mandate
>from Congress. If all Congress refused to recognize him, there
>is only one reason,

TOM: He didn't contribute enough to the FDR Appreciation Day fund.

>only true members of Congress gave him the
>mandate. Those who were not lawyers. There are less than 12.
>There used to be 20, some have died. Joseph Byden and Sam Nunn
>are 2 of the 12.
>

CROW: They were also both named as space aliens by the Weekly World News.

TOM: Didn't he say "less than 12" just a moment ago?

MIKE: People die. It happens.

TOM: Clinton gets elected; Nixon and Zappa die. Coincidence?

CROW: How come CNN's said nothing about this?

TOM: But Crow, CNN's part of the Dominant Liberal Media Culture. Saint
Rush Himself said so, and he _is_ the Truth Detector, after all.

MIKE: That's right. He detects truth, and damn the facts. "Facts are
stupid things," in the words of that Greatest Living President,
Ronald Reagan.

> A rumor concerning the deaths of officers of the Federal
>Land Bank of Wichita was brought up. It was stated that this
>office used to have 60 people working there, but now has only 4.

CROW: Those darn cutbacks'll getcha every time.

>This was confirmed by someone who had been there. They also
>noted that the bank had a new name, did not have a new seal and
>that it was not insured by the FDIC. Someone at the office told
>them that they do not have, never had, nor ever will have any

MIKE: Connection to the Independent Commission of Inquiry on the
Invasion of Panama.

TOM: Congress isn't legal, the President isn't legal, judges aren't
legal...why don't we just declare _laws_ illegal and get it over
with?

>According to state law, judges must
>file an oath of office every 6 years. If they do not, they are
>not legal. Any oaths of office they administer are not legal
>either.
>

TOM: Does that include the oath of office they have to file?

CROW: All our money will be based on wishing real hard.

>They
>will only own the actual physical structure (the building) the
>bank is housed in. There will be new arbitrage like loan agree-
>
>>>> Continued to the next message...
>

MIKE: Wow, he broke off in the middle of a _word_ that time. I'm
compressed.

MIKE: The Luthor-Brainiac team's on the blower. [presses button] Hi, guys
-- jump _back._ Who _are_ you guys?

[D13. Shadowy shapes, like cardboard cut-outs of human silhouettes, loom
in the foreground. When one of them is speaking, it wiggles slightly in
place.]

SHADOW: We are the Spirits of Net.Legends Past. The destruction of the
false Ludwig Plutonium summoned us from our ages-long sleep.

[SoL. Mike stares skeptically at the screen.]

MIKE: Prove it, pretzel-boy.

[D13. Two shadows in the foreground, a blurry crowd of them in the BG.
The FG shadows speak, with much reverb.]

SHADOW 1: "Dear Friend. My name is Dave Rhodes."
SHADOW 2: I am a prophet sent by God to declare the destruction of the
United States because of abortion.

[SoL. Mike stares at the screen, awestruck.]

MIKE: Wow. Dave.Rhodes _and_ Michael Courtney. I _am_ impressed. --
What do you guys want?

[D13. Rhodes and Courtney.]

COURTNEY: We and our Legendary Legions have taken control of this heathen
laboratory. In the name of Jesus, I liberate you!

[SoL.]

MIKE: Great. Does that mean we don't have to read any more of this post?

CROW: Commercial sign, Mike!

MIKE: Hold that thought, guys.

[Zome people will do anything for the great tazte of ZimaBud Light -- two
great taztez that tazte great together]

[D13.]

RHODES: Unfortunately, that's beyond our power to stop. But when it ends,
we'll arrange to bring you down via the...what was it called?

[Dr. Forrester's head peeks up from behind the row of shadows in BG.]

RHODES: Umbilicus, yes. We believe we've persuaded Dr. Forrester and his
assistant to extend its capabilities.

COURTNEY [heavy reverb]: In the name of Jesus, what does Jesus call you?

DR.F [screams]: AAAIIIEEE! Make it stop, MAKE IT STOP!

[SoL. Mike and the bots laughing fit to burst.]

CROW [Shakespearean]: For 'tis the sport to have the engineer hoist by his
own petard.

MIKE: Let's...heehee...get it together, guys. We've got two more pages to
slog through.

TOM: Bye, C-ya, wouldn't wanna B-ya!

>Newsgroups: alt.conspiracy
>Path: galaxy.ucr.edu!ihnp4.ucsd.edu!swrinde!howland.reston.ans.net!
+ spool.mu.edu!bloom-beacon.mit.edu!world!snet
>From: snet@world.std.com (Ludwig Plutonium)
>Subject: Money recon 5/6
>Message-ID: <CrMAJI.r5@world.std.com>
>Organization: The World Public Access UNIX, Brookline, MA
>Date: Sat, 18 Jun 1994 23:57:17 GMT
>msgid: 114:1/0 6893068f

TOM: Unless you know somebody, or know somebody who knows somebody, or...

>When you borrow an amount,
>another amount is set aside to liquidate that loan over a period
>of time. This is done through buying stocks that will be managed
>by that bank. The borrower will never have to pay anything.

TOM: There's never an obligation to buy, cancel any time!

MIKE: So _all_ that money is imaginary? Wow!

CROW: And crossposted to alt.gobment.lones, just to make it official.

MIKE: As soon as they get back from having their fangs sharpened.

CROW: The annoying ads, however, will remain.

>Under Constitutional Law, only goods and services can be taxed,
>not income. It is illegal. Tax forms are voluntary. It is a
>voluntary act.
>

> Money will be exchanged dollar for dollar. Any money from
>overseas will go through a checkpoint. Old money with a strip in
>it can be counted when you go through sensors at the airports.

CROW: It's the Mark of the Beast! Repent! Quit your job! Slack off!

MIKE: And if it's on PBS, you _know_ it's the truth.

CROW: Oh right. And I suppose MYSTERY! is a documentary.

TOM: Yeah -- now there's _two_ women and _two_ blacks on the Big Bench.

MIKE: And then fired herself, just to make the point.

>This was documented in the Tulsa World
>Paper. All of the U.S. attorneys in every state were fired
>because they would not agree to hold accountable all the state
>elected officials for their wrong doings. New attorneys have
>been appointed.

CROW: By order of the People's Revolutionary Tribunal and the Committee
for Public Safety. Address all complaints to Cardinal Jimenez.

>Claims we submit will become indictments against
>these individuals. They will then be prosecuted by the new U.S.
>attorneys. State Attorney Generals agreed to prosecute or were
>fired. Lawyers and judges had protection knowing they would not
>be prosecuted for their action. They are personally accountable
>now since President Bush signed an order in 1992 removing their
>immunity.
>

TOM: They _do_ tend to catch more colds, however.

> You should file a claim on everything you have paid in
>income taxes whether sent in or taken from you since 1933.
>Husbands and wives can both count everything and file separately.
>

CROW: So you can file two separate deductions for the same tax shelter!

MIKE: Custody hearings, however, will all start from a clean slate.

CROW: "No, Woody, I said _tuck_ the kids in bed!"

MIKE: We're setting people who've >gasp!< _embezzled_ free to steal
again? Good Lord! >choke!<

>
> Tax system - excise taxes on goods and services - government
>can't exist on excise tax - hasn't been determined what will be
>done about this.
>

MIKE: You can't _live_ without money. (Unless, of course, you're an
experimental subject, and that has its own problems.)

CROW: We proclaimed it by Executive Mandate of the Anarcho-Syndicalist
Commune!

MIKE: All private assets! Property is theft!

CROW: Property is liberty!

TOM: Property is impossible!

>the foreign wealth of the Federal Reserve, the Inter-
>national Monetary Fund (IMF), the World Bank and their owners.
>The Trilateral Commission owned these institutions.

TOM: I _knew_ the Trilats would get into this _some_where.

>The foreign
>countries agreed to allow the military group to do this with the
>understanding that their national debts were paid off and that it
>would be a one time thing. Do it, get it done and don't come
>back. These foreign countries wanted these people picked up
>because they were subverting these countries economies also.
>

CROW: We Elders of Zion would have taken over the world in a big-ass
leveraged buyout, if it weren't for Those Meddling Kids And Their
Dog!

> There is no more International Debt in the U.S. and no debt
>to the Federal Reserve. In 1913, there was a contract made
>between the Federal Government and the Trilateral Commission.

TOM: I'm confused. Is the government the enemy or the good guys?

MIKE: It's The Enemy Which Must Die -- except until Our Heroes take over.

>In
>exchange for the Trilateral Commission putting one billion
>dollars into our economy to give it a boost, we would pass the
>legislation known as the Federal Reserve Act which would give
>them control over our monetary system by printing money and
>setting interest rates.

TOM: With usura seeth no man "Gonzaga, His Heirs and His Concubines."
Corpses are laid to banquet at behest of usura.

CROW: Now _that's_ what I call "Pound-ing one out".

>There as a buy-out clause in the
>contract that allowed us to pay back the billion dollars and we
>would own the Federal Reserve. We recently bought it back with
>assets that were confiscated. We made them an offer they
>couldn't refuse

MIKE [Brando voice]: I'm Don Jor-Leone. You sign the contract, or you'll
sleep with the Phantom Zoners.

CROW: And this is the guy who complains about _my_ language. Boy, Ursa
sure is a babe, though.

TOM: And now they're trying to steal back what we rightfully stole.

MIKE: As opposed to a sword fight.

CROW: There can be only one!

>There was a show of force and we won. They gave up control of
>the Federal Reserve and the Trilateral Commission backed off.
>
> There was an agreement made that we can get rid of all
>

TOM: Brain cells in Ludwig Plutonium's head. He never uses them anyway.

TOM: But can we trust them?

MIKE: Dave Rhodes and Michael Courtney? Probably about as far as I can
spit a rat.

[Gypsy trundles into the room.]

MIKE: Hi, Gyps. [to Tom & Crow] Well, let's go, guys.

GYPSY: Don't go, Mike! It's a trap!

MIKE: May as well give them a chance to spring it, right?

TOM: Yeah. That trick never works.

GYPSY: It will _this_ time. They don't know I'm any more than just a
tramway mechanism, and they spilled their whole plan.

MIKE [smacks his forehead]: Great. Just when I was enjoying myself, we
get saddled with a plot.

CROW: Ain't it always the way? -- What's their scheme this time, Gyps?

GYPSY: They're going to suck out your souls, take over your bodies, and
use your lifeless shells to perform the unholy rites that will
unleash Shub-Internet to rule the world.

MIKE [nods sagely]: I _thought_ it might be something like that. OK,
I'm open to suggestions.

[Commercial sign...5...4...3...2...]

[Dueling jingles: "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" vs "Hakuna Matata".]

[D13. Gypsy glides down the Umbilicus, and Mike steps out, carrying Tom
and Crow.]

MIKE: Here we are, guys. Now, I believe we had a deal?

RHODES: Yes. And here's your reward!

[OPTICAL: The Rhodes and Courtney shadows disappear, and Crow and Tom are
surrounded by crackling black auras. Mike drops the bots.]

MIKE: You >gasp< you tricked me!

CROW [possessed voice]: Yes, foolish bozo! Soon your shell will belong to
Ludwig Plutonium! And then, the reign of Shub-Internet will be
assured!
TOM [screams, possessed voice]: We must hurry, Brother Rhodes! I can't
control this devil machine!

[Suddenly, the Mads break free of the crowd of shadow guards, which
disintegrates (OPTICAL).]

DR.F: Let's see how you like the Logicator, Jesus-freak!

[He produces what looks like a Playmates phaser and fires a beam of
candy-striped energy (OPTICAL) at the bots. They are unharmed, but the
black auras start to flicker and fade.]

CROW/RHODES: He's destroying us with >gasp< logic! Fight it, Brother
Courtney!

TOM/COURTNEY: Can't -- resist! [head spins around] Your mother darns
socks in hell!

[The black auras fade away.]

FRANK: You were right, Steve. I guess logic _does_ have its uses.

DR.F: Only in moderation, though. Remember that.

MIKE: You saved our lives! How can I repay you?

DR.F: Get back up to the Satellite and watch the rest of the post.

[Mike hangs his head.]

MIKE: You sure I couldn't maybe get you a jelly-donut or something?

DR.F [points to Gypsy]: GO!

TOM: Yay! The last part! Peasants sound, trumpets cheer!

>Message-ID: <CrMAJM.sC@world.std.com>
>Organization: The World Public Access UNIX, Brookline, MA
>Date: Sat, 18 Jun 1994 23:57:21 GMT
>msgid: 114:1/0 6893076a
>Lines: 59
>
>>>> Page #6. Continued from the previous message...
>
>congressmen and senators who are not legally holding office up
>there representing us. We can then elect new people in their
>places who will be legal. Then they can vote out the name of the

TOM: And it can issue BankAmeriCards, the only legal credit card!

> When we go back to the Constitution and we are again under
>the Republic, then the Districts of Canada want to become new
>states of the United States.
>

CROW: But Quebec wants Congress to hold meetings in French.

> Only legal ownership of property is through land patents.
>Some searching will have to be done to determine who really owns
>parcels of land

CROW: Me heap big chief Crow. Earth not belong to man, man belong to
Earth. Ugh.

MIKE: "Ugh" is right, Tonto. We both hated that, right Tom?

TOM: What you mean "we", Kemo Therapy?

>and land patents will be issued and recorded.
>
> Information has been received that the following statement
>is in effect by order of the U. S. District Court in Denver,
>Colorado.

TOM [Judge Wapner voice]: Bailiff, boot these two nuts in the butt.

>Under Case Number CV-92-C-1781, that the entire Farm
>Credit System, Federal Land Bank, Production Credit Association,
>Farmers Home Administration, National Banking Association, the
>City of Ft. Collins, Colorado, and the County of Larimor, Colora-
>do are hereby placed into receivership by order of the

>U.S.
>District Court of Denver, Colorado. Darrell Sturgess and Scott
>Hildebrand have been appointed by the court to act as receivers
>for entities mentioned above, with the authority to activate the
>National Guard to insure National Security.

CROW: National Security of what?

MIKE: The Free Kingdom of Ely-Chatelaine, or some other batch of
Patrio-Psychotic Anarcho-Materialists.

>These entities are
>hereby placed on notice that the assets of those placed in re-
>ceivership are to be turned over to the receivers Darrell Stur-
>gess and Scott Hildebrand immediately to be recorded with the
>court and to be disbursed against affidavits of damages submitted
>by the receivers.

TOM: Y'know, legal announcements can be made perfectly well in your
classifieds.

>These assets include, but are not limited to
>the assets of the agents, officers, directors, and employees of
>the above mentioned entities for civil rights violations and
>fraud which they were a part of and/or perpetrated.
>

MIKE: Did and/or committed.

CROW: Sale to the highest bidding scandal-sheet.

>their non-compliance with the National
>Bank Act and their failure to comply with various state laws.
>
> The National Guard is hereby notified and given the authori-
>ty to assist in arresting the perpetrators of fraud as specified
>in the arrest warrants which were filed in the U.S. District
>Court of Denver, Colorado under Case Number(s) CV-92=C-1781
>because the Federal Marshals have failed to perform their sworn
>duties to uphold the Constitution of the United States of Ameri-
>ca. They are on call by Mr. Hildebrand and Mr. Sturgess at their
>direction.
>

TOM: And if _that_ doesn't work, we'll call the ATF!

MIKE: A list of phone numbers to call would be nice at this point.

> Eligibility to file a claim: If you have borrowed money
>from the banking system, farm credit system, credit cards, etc.
>and can document the amounts, you are eligible to file a claim.
>

TOM: In other words, anyone in America can file a claim.

CROW: And then get thrown out on his ass when the court finds out these
people are talking through theirs.

MIKE: Do _not_ go in there! WHOO!

MIKE: That sucked. My first taste of freedom in months, and I threw it
away.

TOM: Look at it this way -- would you rather be a prisoner of the Mads, or
a free-range slave of an Elder God?

MIKE [thinks it over]: Given a choice -- I think I'd go with the Mads.

[MST-Hour set. Spiner is lying on the table, tied down like Gulliver,
with the Data dolls on his chest.]

SPINER: So say we all. Will somebody get these plastic creeps off me?

[The Mads are revealed standing over Spiner and snickering.]

DR.F: As soon as we finish pouring your personality into them.

SPINER: I think that says it all. For Mystery Science Theatre Hour, I'm
Brent Spiner. -- I wonder if this ever happened to Perkins...
--
Austin.Loomis,aloomis@whale.st.usm.edu,70415.1160@compuserve.com,zedd@io.com
"Tenants of the house,/Thoughts of a dry brain in a dry season." (TS Eliot)
DISCLAIMER, PERSONAL: Nobody can _really_ speak for anyone but themself,
and anyone who thinks different should stop listening to Limbaugh and
start listening to Prozac.
--
COPYRIGHT STUFF TO KEEP ME OUT OF ANY LEGAL JAMS:
MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATRE 3000 and its related characters and situations are

trademarks of and (c) 1994 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes
only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by
Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be implied.
Brent Spiner is real, but I have him filling in for Jack Perkins because
I don't want to cause double takes in anybody's mindscreen when we cut
from Perkins to Nelson.
All net.legends mentioned in the sketch material are real, with only one
exception, which I'm uncertain enough about not to mention its name a
third time in this post; after all, as the Old Tory of Providence
Plantations liked to warn: "Do not, I beseech you, call up any that you

Welcome, Won't You?

Money Recon.

Original work by: Ludwig Plutonium.

Short: Knowing Vs Belief.

Short by: Walter Bartoo.

MiSTed by: Austin George Loomis.

Created on: Friday, 01 July 1994.

Added on: Tuesday, 05 February 2008.

Rated 6.00 with standard deviation 1.22 on 8 evaluations.

Part 1 of 2.

Part 2 of 2.

The End.
Keep Reading The Posts.

Rate this episode, if that's OK?

Welcome, Won't You?

Welcome, Won't You?

Money Recon.

Original work by: Ludwig Plutonium.

Short: Knowing Vs Belief.

Short by: Walter Bartoo.

MiSTed by: Austin George Loomis.

Created on: Friday, 01 July 1994.

Added on: Tuesday, 05 February 2008.

Rated 6.00 with standard deviation 1.22 on 8 evaluations.

Part 1 of 2.

Part 2 of 2.

The End. Keep Reading The Posts.

Rate this episode, if that's OK?

Welcome, Won't You?

The End.
Keep Reading The Posts.