Original work by: Susan Thompson.
MiSTed by: Bonnie Walling, Jamas Enright.
Created on: Friday, 07 February 1997.
Added on: Sunday, 20 July 2008.
| Rating | Evaluations |
|---|
| 0 | -(0) |
| 1 | -(0) |
| 2 | -(0) |
| 3 | -(0) |
| 4 | -(0) |
| 5 | -(1) |
| 6 | -(3) |
| 7 | -(4) |
| 8 | -(2) |
| 9 | -(0) |
| 10 | -(0) |
Rated 6.70 with standard deviation 0.90 on 10
evaluations.
MSTied - "Down the Drain"
This is my first time, so please be gentle. (Hmmm, I seem to recall having
said that before. . .) It's based on yet another flaming sack of dog poopie
from alt.startrek.creative.
Extra special super fudgy thanks go to Jamas Enright, who read over the
story and offered suggestions and a few extra riffs. Torgo the White has
prepared an extra-special place in Second Banana Heaven for this man.
Well, here goes nothing. . .
[Season 2-5.5 theme song]
(Scene opens on Satellite of Love bridge. Tom Servo and Crow are eating
bowls of cereal).
CROW: Nope, don't taste any difference.
TOM: Me neither. It's like eating two bowls of sugared cardboard.
(Joel enters left and addresses Cambot)
JOEL: Hi, everybody, welcome to the Satellite of Love. You know, I kinda
got nostalgic for those classic Quaker Oats cereals, Quisp and Quake. So
with a little searching on the Internet, I -
CROW: Hey, wait a minute, pink boy! I was the one slaving over a hot modem
for hours while you sat with your feet up watching old "Battlestar
Galactica" episodes!
JOEL: I did not. I was right next to you the whole time.
CROW: Looking over my shoulder at the TV!
JOEL: Anyway, WE managed to find a warehouse in Minneapolis which had a
treasure trove of both cereals. So we ordered some.
TOM: And found out it wasn't worth the effort! Joel, both of these cereals
taste exactly the same - like King Vitamin!
JOEL: What do you mean? Quisp is bright and brilliant, with subtle flavors
of honey, fresh bread, cinnamon, and new-mown hay, while Quake is crisp and
tightly focused, with a hearty center of wheat and malt flavors, and a
whimsical overlay of brown sugar. . .
TOM: (hesitantly) Uh-huh. Yeah. (He and Crow slowly start moving away from
him, as if he were demented. Mads light starts flashing).
JOEL: Uh-oh, Franken Berry and Count Chocula are calling. (Hits button)
[Deep 13]
(Dr. Forrester is fiddling with something that looks like a Walkman with
earmuffs instead of headphones).
DR. F.: Hello, there, Captain Crunch. My invention this week will
revolutionize modern psychiatric science. I came up with it when Frank
started moping around Deep 13 all the time. This, of course, was no fun for
me - how could I mercilessly break his spirit when his spirit was already
broken? So, necessity being the mother of invention, I came up with this:
the Frank Zapper! (Holds it up). Otherwise known as the Sony Shockman.
Simply attach the terminals here to the frontal lobes, push the button,
and. . .instant electroshock therapy! It's cheaper than Prozac, and won't
upset your stomach!
(In the background, we see Frank pirouetting around like a demented Nancy
Kerrigan, laughing and singing strings of off-key "La la la las!")
DR. F.: Viva the result! Sure, there's some brain damage involved, but
what's a few synapses if you can have happy feet!
(Frank pirouettes up to Dr. Forrester, stops suddenly, and says in a
dumb-sounding voice:)
FRANK: I had Jello today. (He resumes his cavorting, then dances back to
Dr. F.) Steve, you've got to try this!
DR. F.: (nervously) Um, no, that's okay, Frank. . .
FRANK: Aw, c'mon! (He grabs the earmuffs, slaps them on Dr. F.'s head so
the muffs are on his temples, and pushes the button before Dr. F. can get
away. Dr. F. goes into convulsions, then drops to the floor. Suddenly,
Frank isn't so happy anymore. He looks into the camera, and says in a very
small voice:) Poopie!
[SOL]
(Everyone is looking on in shock)
CROW: Well, guys, I think our lives just got a whole lot easier.
[Deep 13]
(Frank is pacing around frantically, speaking in a stream of gibberish)
FRANK: My God. . .my God. . .what am I gonna do? He'll kill me. . .doom. .
.disaster. . .floods. . .fire. . . (He shakes Dr. F.) Wake up Steve! Wake
up! MY GOD, YOU'VE NEVER GIVEN UP ON ANYTHING ELSE IN YOUR LIFE, DON'T GIVE
UP NOW!!! (He drops him, slumps in defeat).
[SOL]
TOM: Oh Frank. . .I think we can help you. (He nudges Joel).
JOEL: Um, yeah, Frank, I think I can figure out an antidote to Dr.
Forrester's invention.
[Deep 13]
(Frank, who has been sobbing with his head down, looks up hopefully).
FRANK: You can? Tell me!
CROW: Oh, no. We can't tell you what the antidote is without examining Dr.
Forrester in person. You're just going to have to bring us down.
TOM: Just push that "Bring Satellite of Love Down" button on your little
console. . .
[Deep 13]
FRANK: Okay. (He reaches over to console, pushes button, recoils in
horror). Oh no - I pushed the wrong button! That was the "Send Bad Star
Trek Voyager Fanfic" button!
[SOL]
(Buzzers, flashing lights, etc.)
TOM: Bad Star Trek Voyager fanfic?
CROW: I am NOT going into that theater.
JOEL: Don't worry, guys, this isn't an official experiment. There's no way
we can have fanfic sign against our will.
(There is a series of zapping noises, and all three jump around in pain).
ALL: AAAAUUUUGGGGHHH! WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN AGAINST OUR WILL!!!
{G. . .2. . .3. . .4. . .5. . .0}
TOM: Well, that plan really worked.
CROW: Since Dr. Forrester's not watching, do we *have* to riff on this?
JOEL: If you want to hold on to your sanity, yes. This is Star Trek fanfic,
remember?
>Path:
>news1.exit109.com!www.nntp.primenet.com!nntp.primenet.com!su-news->hub1.bbn
>planet.com!news.bbnplanet.com!cpk-news-
TOM: From Planet Hollywood.com.
>hub1.bbnplanet.com!newsfeed.internetmci.com!bill.gnatnet.net!usenet
>From: "Susan Thompson" <thompson@gnatnet.net>
>Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative
ALL: NOOOOO!
>Subject: NEW:VOY:"Down the Drain"
CROW: Call Roto-Rooter, that's the name, and away go fanfics down the drain.
>Date: Fri, 24 Jan 1997 22:13:31 -0500
>Organization: Compaq
>Lines: 266
>Message-ID: <01bc0a6d.be2a7da0$66c61ece@thompson.gnatnet.net>
>NNTP-Posting-Host: dialup02.gnatnet.net
>X-Newsreader: Microsoft Internet News 4.70.1085
>Xref: news1.exit109.com alt.startrek.creative:45968
TOM: X Files: Sunday night on Fox.
>Ha! I think I finally got it!
TOM: Lyme disease?
JOEL: Bubonic plague?
CROW: The clap?
>Special thanks to Beth!
TOM: (sarcastic) Oh thank you so very bloody much, Beth!
>Disclaimer: Paramount is God,
ALL: ALL HAIL PARAMOUNT!
TOM: Tithe half of your money to Paramount!
CROW: Sacrifice your firstborn to Paramount at the church of your choice!
>they own everything to Voyager except for what I add to it. Like the pool.
JOEL: (little kid voice) I added it and you can't have it! Nyahhh!
> Star Trek: Voyager =/\= : The Happy Face Generation
TOM: Have a nice fanfic!
CROW: No, Tom, there is no such thing as a *nice* fanfic.
> Episode 6: Down the Drain
> By: Sforzie
> Cast O' Characters:
JOEL: Oh, the're all Irish.
> &:) Janeway
> ":) Chakotay
> $:) Paris
> V:) Kim
> *:) Kes
> #:| Neelix
> ^:) Markos
> >:| Tuvok
> (:| Doc
. }:) Torres
CROW: What the - the characters are all emoticons?
> Scene 1
> The Senior staff is on the holodeck, in a giant swimming pool. Most are
>situated on one end, with Janeway and Chakotay at the other.
> ":) Isn't this relaxing? ~~ Chakotay
TOM: Well, it would be if you didn't keep stabbing me with your big, ugly
toenails.
> ~&:) Yep ~~ Janeway, goes underwater, then resurfaces, a chain in her
>hands
CROW: (as Chakotay) Yesss! Oh, baby, that's what I like!
JOEL: (putting hand on Crow's shoulder) No, honey, no.
> ":o What did you find? ~~ Chakotay
> ~&:| I'm not sure ~~ Janeway. <Gives chain a yank. There is a popping
noise,
CROW: (as Janeway) Darn these implants!
>and then the water level of the pool begins to go down>
ALL: (Toilet flushing noises)
> $:O Hey! Who pulled the plug? ~~ Paris
> V:O Aaah! ~~ Kim
> }:O Everybody out of the pool! ~~ Torres
TOM: What the hell is it with these emoticons?
JOEL: Maybe the author wanted to add a little more expression to her dialogue
CROW: Dialogue like this needs all the help it can get.
> <but they're too late. Everyone is sucked down the drain..>
ALL: Yaaaayyy!
CROW: Well, that was mercifully short. Let's go. (They start to leave).
>Scene 2
ALL: Damn! (They go back to their seats)
> <They are all lying on a big, muddy plain. There is nothing to see in
>all directions>
TOM: (singing) Is there anybody OUT THERE?
> ~&:( Uh oh.. ~~ Janeway
> }:O Now look at what you did! ~~ Torres
CROW: Bad dog! You messed up my new rug!
>V:o Where are we? ~~ Kim
> $:O Are we still on the holodeck? ~~ Paris
> ~&:| I dunno, somebody check ~~ Janeway
> ":O Computer, end program ~~ Chakotay
TOM: Yes! Yes! It's ending, it's ending. . .
> <Nothing happens>
ALL: Damn.
> >:| This doesn't look too good ~~ Tuvok
TOM: You're telling us. This is like trying to read a third-grader's
rejected "Zoom" script.
> ~&:( Damn. I hate getting stuck in the mud in a plain in the middle of
>nowhere! ~~
> Janeway
CROW: (as Janeway) Now I'm gonna miss "ER!"
> }:O This mud is really gross.. ~~ Torres
> $:P Stinky too ~~ Paris
JOEL: (Vidal Sassoon announcer voice). Now, now, beauty IS discomfort! Wait
till you see how gorgeous you are when you come out of that mud bath!
> V:O So what are we gonna do? ~~ Kim
> }:o Um, lets like, um, look for something. Dammit. ~~ Torres
TOM: . . .Janet, I love you!
CROW: (Deep, gruff voice) I love you too, sweet cheeks.
> &:o For what, exactly? ~~ Janeway (fixes her hair)
CROW: No one will be admitted during the breathtaking hair-fixing scene.
TOM: Whoa! I'm going to have to have a minute to come down from that one.
What a nerve-wracking bit of action!
> }:| I dunno, you're the captain, you think up something! ~~ Torres
> &:O It was you idea! ~~ Janeway
JOEL: She's speaking Ebonics!
> }:( So? ~~ Torres (Janeway sighs)
> ":O Why don't we look for some sort of civilization? ~~ Chakotay
> <Janeway turns around in a full circle>
ALL: (singing) You do the hokey-pokey and you turn yourself around, that's
what it's all about!
TOM: (as Janeway) No civilization here, and I'm including the lot of you.
> &:O Well, I don't exactly see anything at the moment, do you?
> ~~ Janeway
> ":| Hmm, no. ~~ Chakotay
> $:\ I think looking for something usually requires movement of some
>kind ~~ Paris
CROW: Well, swallow some Metamucil!
JOEL: You're looking at a time-out, Crow. . .
> V:( He has a point ~~ Kim
TOM: And it's on top of his head.
> &:@ Shut up, both of you! ~~ Janeway
> }:o Why don't we go that way ~~ Torres, points in any old direction
TOM: Nope, they're too afraid to take a new direction, they have to follow
any old direction. . .
> ":| Why? ~~ Chakotay
> }:O Do you have any better suggestions? ~~ Torres
> >:| I'm not going to lower myself to including myself in this idiotic
conversation. ~~
> Tuvok
CROW: You already did.
> V:o You already did. ~~ Kim
CROW: D'OH!
> >;O Doh! ~~ Tuvok, who gives Kim a good thrashing
CROW: And I'm about to give this writer a good thrashing.
> &:O Boys, will you please behave!? ~~ Janeway
> $:o I agree with B'Elanna's suggestion ~~ Paris
TOM: The Judgement of Paris, ladies and gentlemen.
> &:@ I don't care who you all agree with, we're going this way! ~~
>Janeway, points in the
> same
> direction that Torres pointed in.
> ":) Let's get moving then ~~ Chakotay
CROW: (as Arsenio Hall) Let's get busy!
(Tom and Joel make woofing noises, Joel pumps his fist in the air)
> &:O Commander, did you forget, I am the one in charge!
JOEL: I'M THE GOD! I'M THE GOD!
>~~ Janeway,
>kicks Chakotay
TOM: She's only in it for kicks!
> ":* Yes ma'am ~~ Chakotay
> &:| Let's get moving then ~~ Janeway
TOM: Oh, please do. Andy Warhol's "Sleep" had more action than this!
> Scene 3
> The group is heading in any old direction, going basically in circles,
CROW: So's this story.
>until they spot
> something on
> the horizon.
CROW: (as C3PO): A transport! I'm saved!
> $:O Look! I spot something on the horizon! ~~ Paris
TOM: This story is redundant, and it says the same thing over and over too.
CROW: Brought to you by the Department of Redundancy Department.
> &:o What? What?! ~~ Janeway
> $:O I dunno! ~~ Paris
TOM AND CROW: Third base!
JOEL: Oh, Bil Keane wrote this.
> >:| I suggest we go find out what the damn thing is. ~~ Tuvok
> &:o Good idea
> <They walk for a long while, until they come to a sign>
> ":O What does it say? ~~ Chakotay
JOEL: It says "Enter at your own risk!"
CROW AND TOM: TAKE THE RISK!
> $:O What, ya can't read English? ~~ Paris
TOM: And you can't speak English.
> V:| It's not written in English, dumbass ~~ Kim
CROW: (as Pepe Le Pew) It's written in the language of loooove.
> $:O Ooooh, that would explain the weird cryptic writing ~~ Paris
TOM: Not exactly a candidate for the Nobel Prize, is he?
> &:| Why do we keep you around? ~~ Janeway
CROW: Because he looks FAAAABULOUS in a swimsuit!
> ":| So what does it say? ~~ Chakotay
> >:| I believe it reads: Oooh! YE! Loo! GEE! Volkswagen! Mitsubishi! YE!
>Loo! Loo!
> LOO! ~~
CROW: Suddenly it's Japanese Noh theater!
TOM: Arrrggghhh! I hate performance art!
JOEL: Does the author think she's being funny?
CROW: Either that, or she's having a brain seizure.
> Tuvok, making weird shrieking noises
CROW: No, really? I thought he was reciting Shakespeare.
> &:o Oh, I get it ~~ Janeway
> ":S I don't ~~ Chakotay
ALL: We don't.
> &:o It's obviously written in some weird alien language, that Tuvok is
>TOO BIG OF AN
> IDIOT!! to read in English. ~~ Janeway
ALL: Wok wok waaaahhhhk
> ":o Ah, I am enlightened ~~ Chakotay
CROW: "Little Buddha," starring Keanu Reeves.
> V:* I thought you were Chakotay ~~ Kim
> ":O You are an idiot, just like Tuvok ~~ Chakotay
> V:o Cool. Do I get the neat pointy ears too? ~~ Kim
TOM: That's it. This author is now officially marked for death.
> <Chakotay sighs>
> &:| Idiot boy, will you please tell me how the sign reads in English?
>~~ Janeway
CROW: Well, it opens the book, scans the page with its eyes. . .
> V:o How am I supposed to know what it means? ~~ Kim
> &:@ Not you, Tuvok! ~~ Janeway
> >:| Captain, I believe that, in English, the sign reads:
> Ooh! -> four miles
> GEE! <- ten miles
> Mitsubishi! -> eighty miles
> Loo! <- twelve miles ~~ Tuvok
TOM: Oh, now it makes sense - huh?
> &:| Hmm. Interesting. ~~ Janeway
> ":| Yeah, kind of makes you horny, doesn't it? ~~ Chakotay
CROW: Oh, he's into auto-erotica! Get it? Mitsubishi, auto. . .(His voice
trails off when Joel makes a threatening gesture towards him).
> &:@ Commander, this is not the time or the place! ~~ Janeway
> ":( Okay ~~ Chakotay
> &:o Now, where do you think should go? ~~ Janeway
TOM: I think should go STRAIGHT TO HELL!
> V:o Ooh! ~~ Kim
> }:O GEE! ~~ Torres
> $:O Mitsubishi ~~ Paris
> >:O Loo! ~~ Tuvok
CROW: Cubby!
TOM: Karen!
JOEL: Annette!
TOM: Chief!
CROW: McCloud!
> ":* Ow! ~~ Chakotay, after Janeway smacks him
ALL: (cheers)
> &:O Sorry Chakotay, it's just that they're being too idiotic, and you
>were in the closest
> range ~~
> Janeway
> ":o Tuvok's closer ~~ Chakotay
> &:o Well, and I wanted to get back at you for your horny comment too ~~
>Janeway
TOM: Hey, Crow, this sounds like the story of your life.
> ":o Oh... ~~ Chakotay
> &:| I say we go to Ooh! because its closest. ~~ Janeway
> V:) Sounds good to me ~~ Kim
> ":P Suck up ~~ Chakotay
> V:o Oh, and like you don't suck - ~~ Kim
ALL: YOU ALL SUCK!
> &:@ Boys! Stop it! ~~ Janeway
CROW: (Mom voice) Billy! Get your little brother's head out of the toilet,
right now!
> Scene 4
> <The group goes to Ooh!, where they meet a strange race of people, who
>look like
> something
> that would clog a drain>
TOM: Deadheads?
> &:0 Hello, I am Captain Kathryn Janeway, of the Federation Starship
>Voyager ~~
> Janeway
ALL: Hi, Kathryn.
> *:* Really? ~~ Hairy alien
> &:| Yes ~~ Janeway
> *:* Are you sure? ~~ Alien
> &:| Yes, very sure ~~ Janeway
> **:* I'd beg to differ ~~ 2nd Alien
CROW: Oh, this sparkling repartee! Why, there hasn't been dialogue this
taut and witty since "The Thin Man!"
> &:O What? ~~ Janeway (getting confused)
> **:* I do not believe that you are who you say you are ~~ 2nd Alien
> &:@ Huh? ~~ Janeway
> *:* Do you have proof that you are Captain Janeway of the Federation
>Starship Voyager?
TOM: (redneck cop voice) S'pose you whip out your license and registration.
> ~~
> Alien
> &:( Um, well... ~~ Janeway
> **:* See! I told you so! ~~ 2nd Alien
> *:* Do you have a drivers license? ~~ Alien
> . &:( Actually, well, no... ~~ Janeway
> **:* Oh, and so you're an underage drinker too! ~~ 2nd Alien
CROW: The Oksana Baiul arrest is reenacted.
> &:@ What? ~~ Janeway <Is beginning to get a dangerous look in her eyes.
TOM: "Dangerous Eyes," starring Michelle Pfeiffer.
JOEL: Or Annie Potts.
> Chakotay
> jumps in>
TOM: And the Russian judge deducts .5 from his score because he didn't tuck.
> ":O Are you people crazy? ~~ Chakotay
> *:* Who are you? ~~ Alien
TOM: THEY CALL ME MR. TIBBS!
> ":| My name is Chakotay ~~ Chakotay
> **:* What do you want? ~~ 2nd Alien
> ":O Nothing really, just, quit bugging my babe ~~ Chakotay
CROW: Yeah, leave that pig alone!
> **:* Your *babe*? ~~ 2nd Alien
> ":| Um, yes ~~ Chakotay <Janeway kicks him>
TOM: She's kicking again! What, does she think she's Bruce Lee?
JOEL: More like Chris Farley as the Beverly Hills Ninja.
> *:* Is she who she claims to be? ~~ Alien
> ":| Yes ~~ Chakotay
> *:* Oh. Okay. <The aliens leave>
CROW: Well, that was a totally meaningless scene.
TOM: And the other scenes were full of penetrating insight?
> &:O I'm confused. ~~ Janeway <Chakotay pats her on the shoulder>
> ":| It's okay, really. ~~ Chakotay
> &:o Let's go someplace else ~~ Janeway
TOM: (as Janeway): I've got to get out of this fanfic! It's more
humiliating than playing Mrs. Columbo!
> }:O Sounds good to me ~~ Torres
> $:O These people are weird ~~ Paris
> <They walk around for awhile, then come to what appears to be the middle
>of town.>
> **:**Hail the plug! ~~ 3rd Alien
CROW: All bow down before Tampax!
JOEL: That's it. You've got TWO time-outs coming now, buddy.
> *:** Hail!! ~~ Other Aliens
> &:O What's that? ~~ Janeway <The aliens are crowded around what appears
>to be a drain
> plug.>
TOM: But is really a piece of modern sculpture.
> ":O I've got an idea ~~ Chakotay
> $:O What? ~~ Paris
> ":| Captain, I want you to go up there and pull the plug out ~~
Chakotay
> &:@ Are you crazy? ~~ Janeway
CROW: (as Janeway) It's my heaviest day!
JOEL: FOUR time-outs, Crow. And no ram chips for a week.
> ":O Just do it, it might be our only chance of getting out of here ~~
>Chakotay
> }:O I'm not sure I understand the whole concept of what you're talking
>about,
> Commander
> ~~ Torres
> ":| Neither do I... ~~ Chakotay
TOM: Neither do we!
> }:o Oh, great, we're doomed now ~~ Torres
JOEL: (as Torres) We'll never get other acting jobs! We'll be stuck making
personal appearances at Star Trek conventions for a living!
> &:0 Fine, I'll do it ~~ Janeway.
> <Janeway pushes her way through the crowd, and comes up to the plug.
>The aliens start
> screaming.
JOEL: Ladies and gentlemen. . .Elvis Presley!
>Janeway pulls the plug. The aliens start wailing even
>louder, as the world
> around
> them begins to go down the drain...>
TOM: (beatnik voice) Ohh wooow. . .heavy, man! Like, this is sooo existential!
> >:| This is highly illogical ~~ Tuvok
> <The away team is sucked down the drain.>
ALL: YAAAAYYYY!
TOM: It's over! It's finally, finally over!
CROW: Free at last, free at last, thank God almighty, we're free at last!
> Scene 5
ALL: CRAP!
> <They are back in the empty pool.>
> &:o Huh? What happened? ~~ Janeway
TOM: Ever notice that throughout this entire story, nobody has had a single
clue about what was going on?
JOEL: Neither did the author.
> V:O I think that when you pulled the drain plug out, it created some
>sort of strange
> vortex that
> returned us to Voyager ~~ Kim
TOM: Yep. Typical Star Trek. Through in some half-assed scientific-sounding
explanation and pray that the audience is dumb enough to buy it.
> ":\ Whatever ~~ Chakotay
> $:( I'm confused ~~ Paris
> }:) You're ugly too ~~ Torres
ALL: Wok wok waaaahhhhk
> V:| Haven't we used that line before? ~~ Kim
> }:o What does it matter? It's still true ~~ Torres
> V:| Good point ~~ Kim
> $:O Computer, end program. ~~ Paris
TOM: Writer, end story. ~~ Tom
> <The pool disappears>
> &:O I'm going back to the Bridge ~~ Janeway
CROW: I'm going to throw myself off of it.
> $:o Wearing that? ~~ Paris <Motions to her bathing suit.>
> &:) Yes, yes I am. ~~ Janeway
JOEL: Ladies and gentlemen - Miss Voyager!
> $:O Isn't that a bit little to be wearing? ~~ Paris
> &:) I was wearing even less at the parade ~~ Janeway
TOM: Oh, at the - huh? The hell?
> V:O Parade? What parade? I didn't know there was a parade! ~~ Kim
> &:) You guys must have been asleep ~~ Janeway
> $:| Hmm... ~~ Paris
JOEL: It's the Hum Along With Herman Show!
> &:) Yep, me and the Commander had our own little parade around the ship
>the other day
> ~~
> Janeway
> ":) I was the float... ~~ Chakotay
JOEL: (chuckling) Oh, that Chakotay! He's so saucy!
> END EPISODE SIX
ALL: HOORRAYYY!
TOM: Yes! Yes! Yes!
CROW: That's the news, and WE ARE OUTA HERE!
{0. . .5. . .4. . .3. . .2. . .G}
(Back on SOL bridge. Joel taps the edge of Cambot).
JOEL: Frank. . .Frank, are you still there? We're done with the fanfic. . .
TOM: (growling) That unadulterated piece of crap which you so unnecessarily
sent us. . .
JOEL: So how about bringing us down now?
[Deep 13]
(Frank is kneeling over Dr. Forrester's prone body, in the same pose as the
woman in the famous photo taken after the Kent State massacre).
FRANK: (wailing) AAAUUGGHH! It's no use! He still won't wake up! He's dead, Jim!
(Suddenly, Dr. F. stirs and starts to sit up slowly with arms straight out
in front of him, a la the stereotypical Frankenstein monster. His hair is
fried, and there are wisps of smoke coming up from it. Frank's mood changes
from sorrowful to jubilant)
FRANK: HE'S ALIVE! ALIVE!!!
(Dr. F. has a silly grin on his face. He says slowly, in a deep bass voice:)
DR. F: Don't worry. I won't hurt you. I just want to have some fun.
FRANK: Steve! You've changed! You're happy!
DR. F.: Yes, I'm happy. (Suddenly changes to mean, surly mood). And that
makes me UNHAPPY! You know I'm never content unless I'm being mean and
evil! You're going to pay for this, Frank! (He grabs the Frank Zapper,
starts after Frank. Frank runs away, screaming. He chases Frank back and
forth, until Frank finally runs straight forward, runs into the console,
and falls over on the button. We see Dr. Forrester approaching behind him
as the picture disappears).
[poooffff]
(Over end theme, we hear sound of Frank being shocked again and again).
MSTed by Bonnie Walling, with additional riffs by Jamas Enright
Thanks to Sharon Bogie for proofreading and encouragement, to Best Brains
for creating the best damn TV show of all time, to Hershey for Chocolate
Tastetations, and to The Who for "Quadrophenia."
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations are
trademarks of and copyright 1994 by Best Brains, Inc. Star Trek Voyager and
its related characters and situations are trademarks of and copyright by
Paramount Pictures. All rights reserved. Use of copyrighted and trademarked
material is for entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the
original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. or Paramount
Pictures is intended or should be inferred.
This is not a personal attack on the poster, just what she posted.
>:| I believe it reads: Oooh! YE! Loo! GEE! Volkswagen! Mitsubishi! YE!
>Loo! Loo!
> LOO! ~~
The End.
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