Original work by: Dr Thinker.
MiSTed by: Bill Livingston.
Created on: Saturday, 12 June 1999.
Added on: Sunday, 20 July 2008.
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Rated 8.44 with standard deviation 0.90 on 18
evaluations.
[SATELLITE OF LOVE - Crow holds a flashlight as Mike stands with his
head and shoulders inside Gypsy's Mouth]
CROW: See anything yet?
MIKE: Nope, just a few dust bunnies.
GYPSY: Mmmmnm Mmmhmhmnm!
MIKE: Nothing personal, Gyps. Maybe you should gargle with Endust or -
wait! Shine it a little to the right.
CROW: How's that?
MIKE: Just a second. [pause] I think - I've - yes! Got it!
[Mike emerges from inside Gypsy holding a Slinky (c)]
MIKE: There ya go, Gypsy.
GYPSY: Whew! Thanks, Mike. I promise never to try *that* again!
MIKE: Y'know, I think I'm getting pretty good at this "bot upkeep" stuff.
CROW: Yeah, and to think it only took you a few centuries to get it right.
MIKE: You sure you don't want me to take a look at that popped diode
you've got on your back?
CROW: Well-l-l-l...
[Tom enters]
CROW: Hey, Servo.
TOM: You're, uh, you're wondering who I am.
CROW: Well - no, actually, we're reasonably sure you're Tom Servo.
TOM: Machine - or mannequin.
MIKE: My guess is machine. Mannequins don't tend toward self-mobility -
unless they're Kim Cattral or something.
CROW: That's it, Mike, pour salt in my wounds!
MIKE: I still say you should just call her!
CROW: Well, what would be the point? She'd just-
TOM: With parts made in Japan.
MIKE: What's he talking about?
CROW: Beats me. Joel installed all his parts, and they were 100%
Gizmonic-American.
TOM: I am - the modren man.
CROW: "Modren" - wait a second, I get the picture.
MIKE: What?
CROW: Didn't you just try to do a 500-year overhaul and update on Tom's
CD-ROM drive?
MIKE: Well, yeah, but -
CROW: And weren't you complaining a while ago you couldn't find your
"Greatest Hits of Styx" CD?
MIKE: Um, yeah. And?
CROW: An-n-nd that means before I let you so much as touch my popped
diode, it'll be a cold day in -
[Lights flash]
GYPSY: Um, fellas, Pearl and Pals are calling.
MIKE: Thanks, Gyps. [hits light]
TOM: Y'know I got a secret I been hiding.
CROW: Right, Tom.
TOM: It's under my skin.
[CASTLE FORRESTER - Bobo sits at a computer, typing away. Every so
often, he'll stop, scratch his head, and then resume writing. Pearl
stands over him with a truncheon]
PEARL: Howdy, Nelroy. I'm conducting a little experiment in chaos
theory. Ever hear the old maxim "a million monkeys typing on a
million typewriters will eventually produce a Shakespeare play"?
[SOL]
TOM: Secret, secret, I got a secret...
MIKE: We know, Tom. Yeah, so?
[CF]
PEARL: Well, my own personal theory is one overgrown chimp, pounding
away on one PC, will eventually produce the same results. So I'm
having Booboo test it out for me.
BOBO: Hey, Lawgiver, what's an "exeunt"?
PEARL: Shaddup and get back to work, you! [whaps him on the head]
Anywho, while I'm working with the Bard of Ape-von here, I have a
special treat to occupy your time today. It's a little piece of
Superman fan fiction called "Kara Kent Appears", and it's by an
old friend of yours. I believe you'll remember - Doctor Thinker?
Hmmm?!? Yes!!! I'd tell you to have fun - but I know you won't!
HAH! HAH, I say! HAH!!
[SOL - Mike is shuffling through a pile of CD's]
MIKE: Garth Brooks, no. FrontPage, no. Janet Jackson, no. Myst -
hmmm. Close, but no cigar.
CROW: Find that CD fast, willya?!? I'm not sure I can take much more
of Dennis DeYoung Servo here!
TOM: Look, I'm not a hero, I'm not a savior, so just forget what you
know, okay?!?
CROW: Nelson...
MIKE: Look, I'm doing it, okay?!? Backstreet Boys, Chopin, Riven,
Starship Creator, The Go-Go's - AHAH!!! Servotronic Operating
System, Version 8.08a! [Lights flash]
ALL: AND JUST IN TIME!! WE GOT THINKER SIGN!!!
TOM: The problem's plain to see...
[Chaos, doors, etc.]
[6] {5} (4) <3> |2| O
[All enter]
MIKE: There. How's that?
TOM: Domo Arigato. I mean, thanks.
> "KARA KENT APPEARS"
ALL: ALAKAZAM!
> by Dr. Thinker
TOM: Isn't he the madman with an evil mind?
MIKE: No, that's Dr. Shrinker. Close, though.
>
>Note 1:
TOM: G sharp. *Laa-a-a-a-a-a-a*
> The characters are this stories are owned and
> copyrighted by DC Comics and Warner Brothers Inc.
CROW: [Dot] And the Warner Sister!
>Note 2: This story takes later in the same day that is showed
> "Little Girl Lost. It's answers the question, explain
> why doesn't "Jimmy Oslen" knows about that "Super-Girl"
> is a cousin.
CROW: Whoa!
MIKE: And we're off on another wacky ride through Doc Thinker's
funhouse version of the English language.
>Note 3: If you like it, you can e-mail at winkstwo@sssnet.com.
CROW: If you don't like it, you're probably not alone.
>----------------------------------------------------------------
>
>It was getting later then he use usually was up. The sun was
>going down.
TOM: [Bela] And ze children uv ze night vere arising, ah-ha-ha!
> Kara In-Ze was feeling like ripping of the "Daily
>Planet" globe to pieces, which she was standing under. She was
>watching for Super-Man.
TOM: I wonder when Superman & Supergirl developed hyphens in their
identities.
CROW: Maybe this is the Marvel Universe version of Superman.
TOM: Gahhh! Don't say that!
> Lucky, both Jimmy Oslen and Lois Lane
>went home.
MIKE: I hope he's not implying that Jimmy got lucky *with* Lois.
CROW: Not even Thinker is that far off base, Mike!
MIKE: You hope.
CROW: Look, don't jinx it, okay?
> Perry White, was still there, but most working inside
>his office.
>
TOM: An office where the boss does most of the work?
MIKE: Now I *know* this is science fiction!!!
>Her eyes spot a blue bot going coming.
>
TOM: Anyone we know?
MIKE: Gypsy, maybe?
CROW: She's not blue, she's purple.
TOM: And she generally knows whether she's coming or going.
GYPSY: [Off-screen] What do you mean, "generally"?!?
><It's finally him.> thought Kara, rubbing her hands over the "S"
>shield of her Supergirl costume.
>
CROW: *Ahem!*
MIKE: This has been your daily moment of repressed desire.
>Her x-ray vision shows a 28 year old man
CROW: Whoa! Peeping Kara alert!
> dressed in a red and
>blue of form-fitting tights, with a long cape.
TOM: All he needs is some spangles and a candelabra, and Supes
could open in Vegas,
MIKE: [Liberace] I wish my brother George-El were here!
> He was claying a
>small bag for Super-Girl.
>
MIKE: I didn't know Superman was into ceramics.
CROW: I'm serving notice here and now that if this turns into that one
scene from "Ghost", I am *so* outta here!
>"It's about time, Clark! Where have you BEEN? On the moon?" ask a
>nervous Kara.
>
TOM: [Kara] You *know* that Uatu guy's still looking for me!
>"Little bit more down to Earth." replied Clark. "You mind help me
>out for a bit?"
>
>"Sure, where are we going?" ask Super-Girl.
>
CROW: [Superman] To the WB Animation department. We're gonna find out
why nobody has irises and pupils any more!
>"S.T.A.R. Labs" replied Super-Man. "Follow me!!"
>
MIKE: S.T.A.R. Labs! Where Hollywood Celebrities work endlessly to
solve science's greatest mysteries!
TOM: Watch in awe as Ben Affleck tests new, safer automotive braking
systems.
CROW: Be astounded as Jennifer Lopez pioneers new gene therapy
techniques!
MIKE: Thrill as Keanu Reeves attempts to form a coherent thought!
>--------------------------------------------------------
>Kara was awe to say at least of all machines.
CROW: Wow! Supergirl worships us!
TOM: All right! There's one sensible person in the cosmos!
CROW: We're da man, uh, bots!
TOM: And we've got something for the ladies! Heh heh heh!
MIKE: Great. Thanks a lot, Thinker - you've kicked their ego routines
into overdrive mode.
> She find that Prof.
>Himatlon,
TOM: The world-famous Aztec physicist...
> placed a lead box in the room, when Super-Man appear
>in a lead suit.
>
CROW: Oh, please! Lead is *so-o-o-o* five minutes ago!
MIKE: Yeah, Vanadium Suits are the new super-hero chic.
>"Why?
ALL: Because we like you.
> Are in that uncolorful gray suit?
TOM: It's the Super-Man in the Uncolorful Gray Flannel Suit.
> And why are using it?"
>asked Kara.
>
>"My weakness.
MIKE: [Clark] I can never resist a wool coat sale at Macy's.
> I wonder if you get any effect from it." replied
>Super-Man.
>
>"What weakness?" replied Kara.
>
TOM: Chocolate?
MIKE: Playing the ponies?
CROW: Blowsy redheads?
>"It's in that lead box." replied Super-Man.
>
>Kara open it up. Inside was look like a harmless glowing green
>rock.
>
MIKE: [Superman] I don't *think* the radiation'll hurt you, but go ahead
and expose yourself to it - just so we can be sure.
>Kara laughs as she touches looks "This glowing jewel, that is a
>laugh, Super-Man. Your weakness? That's a laugh!"
>
CROW: So it's a laugh, then?
>"Yes. It's Kryptonite.
TOM: In fact, he has a pocket full of Kryptonite.
CROW: I guess Kara is just Little Miss Can't-Be-Wrong.
MIKE: That's enough spin doctoring for today.
> It's my weakness." replied Super-Man.
>
TOM: [Pee-wee Herman] I keep eating, heheheh, and eating, heheheh,
and *eating*!!!
>"This thing! It's just a worst lump of junk." giggles Super-Girl.
>
MIKE: [Superman] No, it's not!! It's a much better lump of junk!
>------------------------------------------------------------
>
>After a few more tests,
TOM: SAT's, Rohrshack, Wasserman...
> Super-Man and Super-Girl flies to
>Clark's Metroplis's Apartment Room..or flies into the apartment
>via it's window.
CROW: Thanks for the distinction.
> Kara was awe by the room.
>
TOM: Kara is easily impressed.
MIKE: [Kara] Oh, wow!!! Rice!!! A staple remover!!! Foot spray!!!
>"Nice apartment, Clark." replied Kara. "What's that!"
>
CROW: It's a rented room in a large building complex where he lives,
but that's not important right now.
>She was pointing to a small box next to Clark's telephone.
>
CROW: Oh. In that case, it's a small box in a rented room in a large
building complex where he lives, but that's not important right
now, either.
>"That's answer machine.
TOM: [Mr. Rogers] Say hello to the boys and girls, Answer Machine.
> It's usually tells me who called me,
>while I'm either working at "Planet" as Clark Kent,
MIKE: Or while he's out getting Drink at Bar.
> or fighting
>crime as Super-Man" replied Clark, getting one of six blue Clark
>suit from his closets.
>
TOM: [Clark] What?!? Look, I don't have time to save the world *and*
be a fashion plate!
CROW: Good thing they're not brown, or Clark's newest arch-enemy would
be Mr. Blackwell!
TOM: Matt?
CROW: No, not - D'oh!!!
>"Sounds like a ancient version of Comphone." replied Kara.
>
>"What's that?" asks Clark, putting on his glasses.
>
MIKE: I think it's 10-10-10-10-10- oh, heck, the one with Dennis Miller!
>"It's Krypton's --- and Argo's -- way of commucation on, between
>planets of Argo, and Krypton. Gran-El, created it.
TOM: He also invented a sweet, crunchy, nutty nutrition snack.
MIKE: Oh, no! Servo, don-
TOM: The Gran-Ela Bar! BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!
MIKE: Bleagh!
CROW: Feel free to go ahead and pop Styx back in, Mike.
> By the way,
>you look in your Super-Man outfit,
MIKE: And you'll find a super-surprise inside.
> you remend me of the Phantom
>Zone Inventor, Jor-El." replied Kara. "He maded the first one
>when he was just 10 year old."
>
CROW: Jor-El - the Wesley Crusher of Krypton.
>"Jor-El is my Krypton father!" replied Super-Man.
>
TOM: [Bester] Krypton is father, Krypton is mother.
>"Hmmm. I haven't hear your Krypton name, yet, Clark?" asks Kara.
>
>"That would be Kal-El." Clark tells her as he places on his hat.
MIKE: No one will be seated during the spine-tingling "Clark getting
dressed" scenes!
>"According to Brainic."
>
TOM: And Garp.
>"Who's Brainic?" replied Kara.
>
>Clark for a second was think about giving her a excuse like
>"nothing you should worry about" or not talking.
MIKE: [Superman] Nothing for you to worry your pretty little
Kryptonian head about, little lady.
> But he decide on
>talling her.
>
CROW: Soon Kara was on the rack and stretched to 3 meters.
>"Brainic was the computer to Krypton." replied Clark. "He was the
>one that force the council to disargee with my Kryptonian father,
TOM: Big Papa K-Dog?
>Jor-El,
TOM: Oh. Never mind.
> which launched me to Earth."
>
>"Great Rao! We both has the word "star" in our old planets'
>languages." stated Kara
>
CROW: Um, how does she know that? He hasn't said "star" yet.
MIKE: Yes, but see, he *implied* it, and she used her telepathic hyper-
senses to discern it, and, um, and -
CROW: You don't know either, do you?
MIKE: Not a clue.
>"Rao?" ask Clark.
>
TOM: [singing] Ra-a-a-a-o! Krypton blow, and me wanna go home!
>"He was the god of Krypton and Argo." replied Supergirl.
>
CROW: But since not many people worship Noble gasses and cornstarch,
he's considered something of a minor deity.
>"Sounds like a line from an Sliver Age comic book!" replied
>Clark.
MIKE: [dully] Oh the irony. I can hardly stand the cutting-edge humor.
> Suprizing, he find out that Kara wasn't wondering about
>the other stuff.
TOM: Well, it kinda makes the plot simpler that way.
> He thought that Kara got a few helping hands
>from Kents. Speaking, the Kents, remind him that he has to check
>his answer machine.
>
MIKE: Boy, Ma & Pa are getting really good at ventriloquy!
>Only one message was one it. It was for a most familar long
>distance number: The Kents!
>
CROW: By John Jakes!
>The tape voices from the Kents tells Clark, to been on the look
>out for Kara,
TOM: Calling all Clarks, calling all Clarks, be on the lookout for
Kara In-Ze, alias Kara Zor-El, alias Linda Lee Danvers.
> who got an brunette wig from Martha when she was in
>a play and one of Martha ol' eyeglass.
CROW: Okay, I can accept the spelling of Jimmy Olsen's name as "Oslen".
I can even accept the concept of a "Krypton Father". But why in
the name of Kurt Schaffenberger did the Doc describe Martha's
eyeglasses as "ol'"?
MIKE: It's that ol'fashioned goodness of Ma Kent's eyeglass.
> Underneath she was wearing
>a Super-Girl costume.
TOM: Sa-a-a-a-ay...
> They have even used give him a more down to
>Earth origin for Kara.
MIKE: She was bitten by a radioactive spider?
TOM: A lightning bolt bathed her in electrified chemicals?
CROW: She's the reincarnation of an ancient Egyptian goddess?
> It aslo tells Clark, a short explain for
>mystery Kara.
TOM: Now if only someone would give us a short explain for mystery
syntax.
> A unknown brother and his wife of Johnathan called,
>when they were dying and send him, an unknown teenager.
CROW: Boy, that's one weird telemarketing gimmick.
> Martha
>expect to be the son like Clark was, but when she was a 16 year
>teenage who was bit aliened
MIKE: To say the least!
> becuase of used to city life.
>
>"Argos City must had been pretty girl, Kara?" ask Clark
>
TOM: [singing] A pretty girl, is like Argos City...
>"Pretty large, depsite that I send more of time in the surbarbs "
>replied Kara. "I told the Kents about my life,
MIKE: [Kara] But they kind of drifted off while I was describing my
7th grade social studies class in minute detail.
> and littles bits
>and pieces about both Krypton and Argo that I know before I was
>placed in that sleep chamber, you find me in."
>
CROW: There, there, Kara honey - it was all a bad dream.
>Surpizing, the familar under the thights have the Clark wears as
>Super-Man looks a little bigger to chest near to the "S" shield.
MIKE: Any guesses? Any at all?
CROW: Kara's chest looks bigger when she wears the Superman outfit?
TOM: The big Red "S" makes Clark's thighs look bigger?
CROW: Superman has a familiar who stands chest-high?
TOM: He's thinking of shielding her from a chestfull of big letters?
>It was the brunette wig that she used.
>
MIKE: The Wig of Power!
>She places it back on her head. Next, she x-ray the clothing in
>which Clark suits have up on this.
CROW: Next, she rubs the lotion on her skin.
> The third one, she finded the
>eyeglass, which Clark got from her durning a early talk. She
>makes a speedy sleep and lay then on her nose.
>
MIKE: That's gotta be painful.
TOM: Or humiliating, at the very least!
>"I think I made a small mistake. I ripped by clothes off to
>reveal my Super-Girl's outfit, Clark." stated Kara.
>
CROW: Awright! Supergirl's my kind of hero!
MIKE: This is a Thinker story, so I feel justified in what I'm about
to do.
CROW: What's that?
MIKE: CROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TOM & CROW: Gah!!
>"I have another." stated Clark. "Look it, that box."
>
TOM: Lookit, lookit, lookit! See? See? Looklooklooklooklook...
>Inside was a yellow shirt, with a matching skirt.
CROW: Yellow, then?
TOM: Presumably.
> She also found
>a pair of sneakers inside.
>
MIKE: And a hefty endorsement contract.
>"I got it a few days after you take your after brought you to
>Earth." replied Clark.
>
CROW: Okay, Clark, that's enough Peach Schnapps for one day.
MIKE: Now that's quite a picture - Superman getting hammered on
Fuzzy Navels.
>-------------------------------------------------------------
>
>Sometime, durning the next day.
CROW: The part of Supergirl will now be played by Charles Durning.
MIKE: Thanks so much for the nightmare fuel, Crow.
CROW: Any time.
> Perry White was getting nervous.
>It was a slow newsday. But with Supergirl saving Metroplis for a
>bit.
MIKE: Are we saved?!?
TOM: [Supergirl] Yes, but just for a bit. Eventually, you'll all
die a horrible screaming death.
> Not even a Superman battle with Livewire or Parisite can top
>what Jimmy did. Perry was thinking of not threating Jimmy Oslen
>for a while.
CROW: [Perry] How do I reward my employees for a job well done?
I ease up on the abuse!
> But thought turns back to Clark Kent, he was late
>again.
>
>"GREAT CASER GHOST!
TOM: Gaaah! He's being haunted by the spirit of the guy from the
Shipping Department!
MIKE: Still, it beats "Great Shades of Elvis".
CROW: Sad, but true.
> WHERE'S ON EARTH IS CLARK KENT?" asked Perry.
>
MIKE: I think I just spotted him with Waldo and Carmen Sandiego.
>"Sorry, I'm a bite late!" replied Clark.
TOM: Or possibly he was off with the Lost Boys.
> "But Kara's, is one of
>hard cousin to deal with."
>
MIKE: Y'know what, guys?
CROW: What?
MIKE: Suddenly, I find myself longing for the clear, crisp, concise
textual style of Stephen Ratliff.
TOM: We hear ya!
>"GREAT CASER GHOST!" groans to other voices, Jimmy Olsen and Lois
>Lane.
TOM: Wow! Jimmy & Lois have brown-nosing down to a fine art!
> "You have a cousin?"
>
MIKE: You have distant relatives?!? You fiend!!
>Perry White reminder back in 1930, according to his parents, was
>very popular saying.
>
CROW: Yeah, I, just love watching those old films where they'd wander
around, saying "Perry White reminder back in 1930" all the time.
>"Yeah, he does." replied a brunette hair girl. Her face has a
>female pair of eyeglasses.
TOM: I understand the field of eyeglass sexing is really taking off.
> Her matching yellow shirt, and yellow
>skirt and pair of sneakers.
>
CROW: This outfit makes a statement. One without a verb, of course,
but still, it makes a statement.
>Both Jimmy Olsen and Lois Lane was looking the look
MIKE: Yeah, but can they walk the walk?
> "Here's got
>to be a story in her!"
>
TOM: Never mind political corruption, life-threatening, alien invasion and
all that rubbish - our co-worker has a *cousin*!!!
>"Hey? I'm not worth of newstory!" replied Kara.
>
>"Clark's usually keep his self hidden.
CROW: I think there are laws that say he *has* to!
> I don't that that girl is
>going to make much news at all." replied Perry.
MIKE: And Marlo Thomas's hopes for a journalism career are cruelly
shattered.
> "Expect if she's
>happens to be Super-Girl, which I doubt big time."
>
TOM: [singing] She's on her way, she's making it...
MIKE: This must be the journalistic instinct that helped propel
him to the top.
><He's wrong>, she thought, <but I decide on this time listening
>to Clark. I went to be a friend to him as both Kara and
>Supergirl.>
>
CROW: So there was a chance she could be his friend as Supergirl and
his mortal arch-enemy as Kara?
TOM: Apparently, she's suffering from identity dysphoria.
>Jimmy, was still working over his headline from yesterday.
CROW: "Why, Next to Rick Jones, I'm the Luckiest Geek in the Comic
Book Universe Today".
> "Hey!
>Have you heard about Super-Girl?"
>
>Kara was sercetly smiling.
MIKE: But she wants to smile as both Kara and Supergirl.
> "No. Why...Mr.?"
>
>"Mr., give it a rest,
CROW: MR not give it a rest.
MIKE: OSAR give it a rest.
TOM: CD bad grammar?
CROW: LIB. MR give it a rest.
> I'm Jimmy Oslen, cub intern
TOM: Actually, they've abolished the position of "Cub Intern".
MIKE: Really?
TOM: Yep. Jimmy's now a Junior Assistant Probational Trainee.
> and
>photographer for most of newsreporters here at "Daily Planet".
>Really got story to tell you.
CROW: Why me suddenly think of "Tarzan, Tonto, Frankenstein" sketch?
MIKE: It just imagination. Put it out you mind.
TOM: Raaaaaaarrrrrgh!
> I bet you won't belive it!"
>
>"I belive in aliens." Kara as she give a small wink to Clark.
>----------------------------------------------------------------
TOM: And that small wink eventually grew into this giant wink farm!
>
>Kara was see Clark had a smile on his face.
>
MIKE: Sadly, at this point, he's the only one.
>"I have idea. If I'm going to be out town for a while hours,
CROW: Conversing with the flowers?
MIKE: Consulting with the rain?
TOM: Now if only this story had a brain!
> will
>be abbilites to deal with what happen durning that team.
MIKE: She's gonna be the one who keeps tab on the Knicks during the
off-season.
CROW: Our condolences, kid!
> You like
>to housesit durning that time?" replied Clark.
>
TOM: Remember, the house should be in bed by 8:30, and *no* Thomas the
Tank Engine tapes until it's done its homework.
>"Sure, what the heck!" shouted Kara in anser to Clark's question.
>
>"Great." deadpans Clark.
CROW: Well, geez, if you're upset about it, why'd you offer to let her
do it in the first place?!? What's wrong with you?!?
MIKE: He's being characterized by the Doc.
CROW: Oh, yeah. He's not himself today.
>---------------------------------------------------------------
> THE END
[Ragged cheering]
>----------------------------------------------------------------
>The reason
TOM: WHAT?!? No! I call foul!!! "End" is supposed to mean "end",
isn't it?
> is one time that I was bored of my usual spots,
TOM: Hey, the Doc's a Trill.
MIKE: Thinker Dax?
CROW: No, no - *You're ruining it for me!!!!!*
TOM: C'mon, Crow, give it up - Jadzia's dead!
MIKE: Yeah, and anyway, Ezri's a cutie.
CROW: Assassins!
> like
>"Shinji Vault of Anime Misting" [http://lefty.simplenet.com/svam
ALL: [singing] Svam, svam, svam, svam. Svam, svam, svam, svam...
>or http://lefty.simplenet.com/smav], Web Site Number #9,
CROW: I heard that weblink got broken when someone kissed the net.cop
down at 34th and Vine.
> and
>power rangers spots, pokemon spots, and a few games locations
>that I decide to check out Superman spots.
>
MIKE: Wow! I'm seeing all kinds of spots before my eyes!
>I was one day looking download back issue of "The Kryptonian
>Cybernet",
TOM: And somehow, we're back to Brainiac again.
CROW: Brainic.
TOM: Whatever.
> a webzine dealing with the Man of Steel, himself. In
>June 1998 [Issue #51], a few fans of the Man of Steel review the
>"Little Girl Lost." two partner.
CROW: But - but everybody knows it's *Batman* who has the partner!
> One of the reviewer named Jimmy
>Stewart said this.....
TOM: [Jimmy Stewart] Zuzu's Petals!
>
>
> "Intersting slant on the Girl of Steel, thought her costume
> needs work. I'd aslo like to know how Jimmy can *not*
> recognize Clark's cousin as Supergirl,
MIKE: I think it just proves folks in the DC Universe are easily
bamboozled.
TOM: Yeah, I mean, Lois is much smarter than Jimmy, and she went over
60 years without recognizing Supes in a pair of glasses!
> and what would that
> tell him about CK."
>
CROW: The same thing it tells everyone else - CK-One smells awful!
>Well, first of all, Jimmy "Olsen" Stewart,
CROW: [Thinker] Hey, look, I made a funny! Yuck yuck yuck!
> only Clark heard the
>PA about his cousin. Lois and Jimmy must be in "FILE ROOM: A-J",
MIKE: Jamal?
>since when we see them in the "Daily Planet", Lois is carrying a
>huge box on "Intergang"
TOM: Intergang! A division of ConHugeCo!
> and Perry usual in his office editor
>reports stories. I also speculate that the desk lady on duty was
>a airhead more often then not.
[All snicker]
MIKE: She was an airhead except from noon to 2:30, when she was a
Nobel Laureate in Chemistry.
> Second reason is that Clark get
>her eye glass turning the talk
TOM: And we all know how painful that ca-
MIKE: Stop that.
> in the "FILE ROOM: L-O"
CROW: Yeah, that was pretty low, even for a file room.
> and after
>that, Karen remove her brunette wig.
MIKE: Which was really surprising since there's no one named
Karen in this story.
> Third reason was the lie
>that Kara told Jimmy about herself to hide the fact.
TOM: She's from the government and she's here to help?
MIKE: The check's in the mail?
CROW: She never inhaled?
> That also
>explain that used of the wig and eyeglass in my story.
CROW: Though it does absolutely nothing to explain the story itself.
>
>
>
MIKE: Are we done?
CROW: I think so.
TOM: Great! Let's scram before he has another afterthought!
[All leave]
O |2| <3> (4) {5} [6]
[SOL - Bridge]
TOM: Yikes! What's with Thinker, anyway?
MIKE: I dunno. It's like someone used that AltaVista translater to
go from English to Portuguese to German back to English again.
CROW: Yes I am, thinks you ezxatcly righte, mikke.
TOM: Uh-oh.
MIKE: Oh great. He's been overexposed.
CROW: HAH! Gotcha! Man, you two are so easy to fish in!
[Light Flases]
MAGIC VOICE: Attention, SOL citizens. We have a visitor.
MIKE: A visitor?
[Enter Bridget, dressed as the Pre-Crisis Supergirl (long blonde hair, blue
blou
se, red hot pants & boots, red choker, and a tiny "S"-shield
over her heart)]
KARA: Hey fellas.
ALL: SUPERGIRL!!!
MIKE: Wow! It's great to have you up here, Supergirl!
KARA: Oh, please, none of that "Supergirl" stuff. I'm just a plain,
simple Kryptonian gal - call me "Kara".
MIKE: Okay - Kara. Heheheh. Seriously, we're glad you decided to drop
by.
CROW: Yeah, but if we'd known you were coming, we'd have baked you a
Kandorian Cake or something.
KARA: Yeah, sorry about barging in unannounced and all, but I'm - well,
I'm kind of on the run at the moment.
MIKE: On the run? From who? Metallo?
TOM: Brainiac?
CROW: The Kryptonite Man?
KARA: Worse. I'm trying to keep one step ahead of the CC.
TOM: Yeah, we had problems with them, too. They'd put us on at like
2:00 AM, and keep showing the same episodes over and over, and -
KARA: No, no - not *that* CC. I'm talking about the Continuity Cops.
MIKE: Who?
KARA: The Continuity Cops! They keep trying to wipe me out of existence!
CROW: Oh, I see! The powers that be at DC.
KARA: Yeah, them! This is the thanks I get for years of dedicated service!
It's not like I minded dying for them when they asked - I mean,
Barry did, too, y'know!
TOM: But at least he still exists, er, existed in the current continuity,
right?
KARA: Right!! Not me, though - Thanks to their little "simplification"
project, I'm persona non grata! Everything I ever did has been
nullified! No one in the DC universe even rememberd who "Kara
Zor-El" *was* - not even my own ingrate cousin!!
MIKE: Wow! That's pretty rough.
TOM: I, uh, I guess you know they've gotten another Supergirl since you,
well, you know.
KARA: Oh, yes - *her*! [grabs Crow's neck and squeezes]
CROW: Ack!
KARA: Little Miss "Protoplasmic Blob"! Miss "Kiss Up to Lex Luthor"!
Miss "Look At Me, I'm an Angel"! HAH! I'd love to get my hands
on *her*! *Then* we'd see who the *real* "Girl of Steel" is,
let me tell you!!!
CROW: Ick - ack - yer - choke - me - GAHK!
TOM: Um, I hate to point this out, but -
KARA: At least the cartoon is a little closer to the real me - even if
they *did* casually change my homeworld and make me a teenager
again!
CROW: [Long strangled sound]
MIKE: Say, Kara, I know you're upset, but, uh - [points to Crow]
KARA: Oops. [lets go]
CROW: *WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE* [collapses to floor]
KARA: [to floor] Sorry about that. [to Mike] Hey, listen, to make up for
that, you want me to rescue you while I'm here?
TOM: For real?!
KARA: Sure! I could just drag this whole contraption down to Earth.
MIKE: That'd be swell! Say, before you do, would you like to read our
info to the folks behind that fourth wall there?
KARA: Sure. [poses heroically] To join the MiSTing Authors Dibs List,
send an e-mail to majordomo@neylonpc.engin.umich.edu with the
message "subscribe dibslist [<your name>]" in the message body.
Read the FAQ, don't work blue, and uphold Truth, Justice and the
American Way. How's that?
TOM: Can you pose heroically some more? I like that!
KARA: Maybe later. Now, let's get you - [pauses] Uh-oh.
MIKE: Uh-oh?
KARA: My X-Ray vision shows the Continuity Cops are heading this way.
Sorry, guys, I'll have to take a raincheck on rescuing you!
MIKE: We understand.
TOM: Yeah. Take care.
KARA: Thanks. [at floor] Sorry about almost strangling you!
CROW: *hack!*
KARA: Bye, now! Up, up and - oh, the heck with it! [She runs out]
[The Mads' Light begins to flash]
TOM: So close, yet so far.
MIKE: Crow, you okay?
CROW: [rising groggily] Oh, baby! Where've I been all your life?
[CF - Bobo is in the background, standing over a printer which is busily
spewing forth paper. Pearl is on the phone]
PEARL: Yes, I'm sorry she got away, too. I'll certainly call if I see
her lurking around again. What? Oh, no, thank *you*, Ms. Kahn.
Bye. [hangs up] Well, Nelson, now that I've chased off your
little super-powered doxy, it's time to check on how my latest
experiment is going.
BOBO: [hands over a sheaf of paper] Well, I think I'm done, Lawgiver.
How's it look?
PEARL: Let's see - hmmm, I see. Interesting, interesting. Well,
Banana-breath, looks like you've done it again.
BOBO: I have?
PEARL: [angrily] This isn't a Shakespeare play, it's Eugene O'Neill's
"Mourning Becomes Electra"! [whaps him with the truncheon] Now
back to the keyboard, youse! I wanna see Shakespeare by lunchtime,
got it?!?
BOBO: Ow! Oooh! Yes, perfectly, Lawgiver!
[Brain Guy enters]
BG: Um, forgive me for asking, Pearl, but I don't see how this advances
your goal of world domination.
PEARL: [looking extremely put upon] Aw, geez, does *everything* have to
be about work?!? I mean, can't I just for once just be evil just
for the fun of it?!?
BOBO: Here's another one, Lawgiver. It's called "Death of a Salesman".
PEARL: [hands truncheon to Observer] You wanna try?
BG: Well, I don't know, I mean it's just - hmmm. For fun, you say?
PEARL: Yep.
BG: Hmmm. Oh, Bobo, let me look at that before you hand it in.
BOBO: Sure thing.
PEARL: *sighs* Everyone deserves a little downtime.
[Fade out, as we hear one last gentle whap of the truncheon]
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
"KARA KENT APPEARS" BY: Dr. Thinker
MiSTING BY: Bill Livingston
MiSTING DIBS LIST MAINTAINED BY: Michael Neylon
"ADVIDE AND CONSENT" BY: Allan Drury
I'LL RUN THIS BY: The Boys Downtown
IT'S ALL ABOUT: The Benjamins
THANKS: to MiSTies, MuSTies, the teachers of America, the authors of the
10th Amendment, and the award-winning newsroom at 104.3 ZYP.
ALSO THANKS TO: Special Guest Star Bridget Jones as Supergirl.
Superman, Supergirl, and all related characters are (c) by DC Comics,
a division of Time-Warner-Turner. These characters may have been time-
compressed to fit your screen
"Mystery Science Theater 3000" trademark of and (c) Best Brains, Inc.
All rights reserved. Fully accredited by the Institute of Boggy Creek
Studies.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment
purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks
held by others is intended or should be inferred.
No personal insults to author(s), character(s), or situation(s) are or
should be implied. All characters in this work are fictional, and any
resemblance to actual people, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
Except for *you*, Mr. Elwood Q. Thistlestop of Pascagoula, Mississippi!
I want my pretty mind back!
Keep circulating the posts.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
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