Welcome, Won't You?

Mario's Titanic.

Original work by: Unknown.

Short: The Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom.

Short by: Unknown.

Short: (( Mario + Luigi) + Starfox)+ ???.

Short by: Unknown.

Short: Larry and his Plants Parts 1 and 2.

Short by: Unknown.

Short: The Arrival and The Wedding.

Short by: Unknown.

Short: Super Koopa RPG.

Short by: Unknown.

MiSTed by: Yesmar.

Created on: Sunday, 01 July 2001.

Added on: Sunday, 07 September 2008.

RatingEvaluations
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Rated 6.50 with standard deviation 0.50 on 2 evaluations.

EPISODE 1101: MUSHROOM KINGDOM MADNESS
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NOTES
1. If you are any of the authors of the following stories: The Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom,
(( Mario + Luigi) + Starfox)+ ???, Larry and his Plants; Parts 1 and 2, The Arrival and The Wedding,
Super Koopa RPG, or Mario's Titanic I am very sorry for not getting your permission to use your
stories. For various reasons I have not been able to e-mail you. If you find this document and
wish for your story to be taken out of it, please e-mail me at: RCF88_322@msn.com
2. Please e-mail me at the address above and tell me what you think of my story, or if you want
to put my story on your web site. I am a first time MSTer so please be nice in your comments.
3. The author of "The Mario Brothers" currently is in charge of http:
//www.nintendoland.com
4. In this MSTing and all others to follow I am going to be putting the crew of the SOL into all
kinds of adventures. Feel free to use those adventures in your MSTings also.
5. Now just sit back and enjoy. . . Mushroom Kingdom Madness.
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NARRARATOR: In the not too distant future,
In a wear in time and space,
Mike Nelson and his robot pals,
Were caught in an endless chase,
Pursued by a woman whose name is Pearl,
Just an evil gal who blew up the world,
She threw a few things in her purse,
And in her rocket ship she hunts them all across the universe,
PEARL (Spoken): I'LL. . . GET. . . YOU.
PEARL (Sung): I'll send him cheesy fanfics,
The worst I can find,
BOBO AND OBSERVOR: La, La, La,
PEARL: He'll have to sit and read them all,
And I'll monitor his mind,
BOBO & OBSERVOR: La, La, La,
NARRARATOR: Now keep in mind Mike can't control,
When the stories begin or end,
He'll have to keep his sanity,
With the help of his robot friends,
ROBOT ROLL CALL:
CAMBOT: Stage left.
GYPSY: Richard Baseheart?
TOM SERVO: Crow sucks!
CROOOOOOOOOOOOOOW: So does Tom.
If you're wondering how he eats and breathes,
And other science facts,
Just repeat to yourself,
It's just a show,
And I should really just relax,
For Mystery Science Theater 3000 (Guitar twang.)

(The scene opens up onto the kitchen counter of Mike's apartment in Wisconsin. Mike is standing
behind the counter in his usual jumpsuit, looking directly at Cambot. On the counter is a coffee
mug that says "I Love Wisconsin.)
MIKE: Hi everyone, and welcome to the Apartment of Love, or as I like to call it, the AOL. (Chuckles
at his joke.) I was just about to. . . (Looks off to his right.)
(Tom and Crow enter. Tom appears to be crying and has a tissue connected to his hand. He is also
wearing a blond wig. Crow is wearing a shirt that says MTV RULES! His beak is also pierced.)
CROW: Hey Mike!
MIKE: Dare I ask what is going on?
CROW: Sure Mike. Since you got Cambot hooked back up, Tom and me decided to do our own version of
MTV's "The Real World." I'm playing Rock, the punk rocker/daredevil who's always causing
arguments.
MIKE: Who's Tom?
CROW: Tom is Suzie, the 24-year-old girl who is always crying about something.
TOM (Weepy): That coffee mug reminds me of my dead mother. (Starts crying again.)
MIKE: So who am I playing?
CROW: Well, Tom and me composed a list of three people you could possibly play. There is Michael,
the gay guy, Ricardo the ladies man, or Jonathon the college guy. We were kind of leaning toward
Michael. Ya know, the gay guy.
MIKE: I think I'll go with Ricardo.
(Tom and Crow go into hysterics for several seconds, while Mike gets annoyed.)
CROW: No, seriously Mike, who?
MIKE (Annoyed.) Ricardo. Why?!
CROW (Trying not to laugh.): Mike, Mike, Mike, when was the last time you went out with a girl?
MIKE: Just last week. I dated that Nancy girl.
CROW: You mean the one with no teeth.
MIKE (Defensive.): Hey! She was very charming.
TOM: She went on for five hours about the Irish Potato Famine.
MIKE: I'm just gonna watch TV.
(Mike sits down in a chair and turns the TV on. We then pan in to the TV where we see a
newscaster.)
NEWSCASTER: In recent news, this year's presidential race seems like it's going to be a
landslide for Pearl Forrester. (Pearl's picture pops up onscreen.)
(We now pan back to Mike's living room. Everybody seems shocked.)
MIKE: Oh my god! How could I have not have known this?! Whose turn was it to pick up the paper?
(All eyes turn to Servo.)
SERVO: How was I supposed to? I don't have any arms.
MIKE: Well, we've got to do something. We've got to send letters to every person in America
telling them not to vote for Pearl. You can write them Servo. (To audience.) We'll be right
back.
(Planet bumper.)
SERVO (Over bumper.): I CAN'T WRITE!!!!!!!!!
(Commercials.)
(When we come back from commercials we see the gang standing behind the counter. They all seem
disappointed.)
MIKE: Well, that was a disaster.
CROW (To Mike.): I told you not to go running across that molasses spill.
(Mike just sighs and turns on the TV. We now pan to the TV. We see a black-haired female
newscaster talking to a very happy Pearl who is standing in front of a lot of people, including Bobo
and Observer.)
NEWCASTER: How do you feel after having won the election, Mrs. Forrester?
PEARL: I feel wonderful. And I cannot stress enough that I did not, I repeat did not brainwash
anybody. (Pearl laughs nervously, and Observer just sighs.)
NEWSCASTER: Is there anything else you would like to say?
PEARL: Yes there is. I want to say something to a special someone out in the audience. (Pearl turns
to Observer.) If you don't mind.
OBSERVER: Of course I will. (Makes his brain sound, and suddenly everyone around is frozen.)
PEARL: Why, hello Mike. I just used Observer here to freeze everybody except for you. Also when I
found out that I had won the presidency, which I didn't win by brainwashing anybody; I cannot
stress that enough, I decided to attach a theater along with some communication buttons to your
building so I could send you experiments.
(AOL)
MIKE: You're not going to be sending us movies are you?!!!!
(Pearl)
PEARL: Of course not. I'm not still that cruel.
(AOL)
(Everybody lets out a deep breath.)
MIKE: That's a relief.
(Pearl)
PEARL: I'm just going to send you fanfiction.
(AOL)
ALL: AGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Pearl)
PEARL: Your experiment today is a bunch of horrible Nintendo fanfics. Enjoy
(AOL: Lights flash)
ALL: WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Everybody exits through a door in Mike's apartment, but from then on the door sequence is the
same.)
(Door sequence.)
(They all enter the theater.)

>The Mario Brothers
TOM: Here we go again.
>Kamek the powerful MagiKoopa has been assigned the mission to raise the Koopa Family's newest >son
Bowser Koopa to a cruel tyrant just like his father Morton Koopa.
TOM: Well, that's an incomprehensible way to start off a story.
MIKE: Oh come on Servo, it's not that bad.
TOM: (angry) Yes it is Mike! I'm hurting and I need to lash out at someone. Screw you! Oh
come on Mike there's not even an author for me to yell at. (Starts to cry and Mike comforts him.)


> When Kamek one late night looks in his crystal ball he gets a vision telling him that the >next
day two twins will be brought to the world that will cause much inconvenience to the >Koopa Empire
and might even overthrow it!
CROW: Yep, an overthrown empire is just a small inconvenience.
>He immediately takes his broom and flies out in the night to find the stork that will deliver >the
twins in the dawn. At last he finds the stork and Kamek in the confusion manages to grab >the bag
which contained the twins and disappear just as suddenly as he came, but Kamek didn't >get both the
babies. One of them (Mario) fell out of the bag when Kamek surprised the stork >and he now plummets
through the clouds down in to the ocean.
TOM: Someone took "Rock A-Bye Baby" way to literally.
>Meanwhile on the Yoshi Islands inhabited by the friendly dinosaur species the Yoshies, a green
>dino named Yoshi takes a walk in the woods when suddenly a Baby comes falling from the sky >and
lands on Yoshi's back! Only seconds after a map showing were the babies were meant to be >delivered
fall down on Yoshi's head.
CROW: Plot contrivance at 4 o'clock.

> Yoshi decides to take Mario back to his friends in the Yoshi village to ask for advice.
>Meanwhile in the Koopa Castle Kamek finds out that he had missed one of the twins and >immediately
dispatches his Toadies
MIKE: (chuckles) Toadies??

>to find Mario and bring him to him! In the Yoshi Village Yoshi and his multi friends decides >to
bring Mario to his brother and Kamek via a relay system. Yoshi and his friends transported >Mario
through all the worlds of Yoshi Island until they reached Baby Bowser's Castle at the >center of
the Island. Here Yoshi defeated Baby Bowser and freed the stork enabling him to >finally delivering
the twins before dawn to their waiting parents in the Mushroom Country!
TOM: Does that really deserve an exclamation point?
CROW: I guess the sentence is: enabling him to finally deliver the twins before dawn to their
waiting parents in the MUSHROOM COUNTRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>Some years pass and Bowser decides that he has to get rid of the Yoshies so that they won't
>interfere when he tries to Kidnap the twins again. He tries to do this by stealing the >Yoshi's
Super Happy Tree which keeps the island peaceful. At the same time the whole island >turn into a big
picture book. Six Yoshis wasn't converted into the book and they decides to >take their Super Happy
Tree back. They traveled through the island collecting fruits to grov >happier.
MIKE: Grov??
> When the Yoshi's had become super happy the page turned and the Yoshi's arrived at the next >page
of the book. After many adventures they finally found Bowser in his castle and after >defeating him
they returned the Super Happy Tree and Bowser's curse was broken!
TOM: Actually, in the game they defeated Baby Bowser. Not that I'm passing judgment.
> The Yoshis knew that they had to protect Mario and Luigi from Bowser until they have grown up >and
could take care of them themselves. Meanwhile in the Mushroom Country Mario and Luigi >grows up
without any knowledge of Bowser fights with the Yoshis. Mario meets his best friend >Wario and they
are always out playing all days long.
>One day the unavoidable occurs.
CROW: Ratliff writes a good story.
MIKE: We both know that's impossible.
> Bowser has managed to sneak past the Yoshis and finds Mario and Luigi playing in the >woods with
Yoshi. Bowser hides behind bush not far away and he sneaks up behind the twins. He >is just about to
grab the twins when Yoshi spots Bowser and manages to rescue the brothers >from Bowser's hands using
his long tongue! After that incident Mario and Luigi's parents >decides to put the twins to safety
by sending them to earth through a newly discovered warp >pipe leading to a place called Brooklyn
(USA)
TOM: I think all the readers know where Brooklyn is.
MIKE: The author probably thought we would think of the famous Brooklyn in Lima, Peru.
>were they persuades an italian couple, Mr. and Mrs. Mario to take care of the 8 years old >kids.
This way Mario and Luigi grows up far away from Bowser. During their time at Mrs and Mr >Mario they
gets their italian accent and their surname Mario!
TOM: So Mario's name is Mario Mario. That's got to be confusing.

>Mario and Luigi starts to study to become carpenters and Mario meets his girlfriend Pauline >for
the first time. One time when Mario and Pauline was sitting and listening to the radio >in the town
when they announce on the news that a big Monkey called Donkey Kong had just >escaped from the Zoo.
After that the radio started playing one of Mario's favorite songs and >he turns up the volume to
max to really "dig it".
ALL: (Chuckle.)
CROW: I wonder if while he was "digging it" he was also "shaking his groove thing", and
"shake shake shaking his booty."
>When the song was over he couldn't seam to find Pauline, but at last he spots her in the arms >of
Donkey Kong taking her to the top of an nearby unfinished building!
MIKE: I guess Mario isn't too observant.

>Mario runs after DK dodging all the barrels that DK throws at him and forces the giant monkey >to
the top of the building. Here he yanks out all of the nails that held together the >platform were
Donkey Kong were standing, sending the gorilla falling to the ground!
TOM: I thought of a good Secret Santa gift for this person. The pamphlet: "When To Use an
Exclamation Point".
>After defeating Donkey Kong Mario helps the Brooklyn Zoo to transport Donkey Kong to a new >safer
Zoo but on the way there the plane crashes in a jungle.
CROW: What trip to a better zoo involves flying over a jungle?
>Mario contacts the Zoo over the com-radio in the crashed plane and tells them to send a >chopper
for him and the monkey. Meanwhile in the same jungle the message about the man and >the caged
monkey spreads with the animals in the jungle
TOM: Apparently, the animals learned to speak English, and to capture radio waves.
>and after a while the message is heard by Donkey Kong jr. who realizes that it must be his >father
and he runs to rescue his father. Mario fights bravely and sends mechanical gators and >birds
MIKE: That plane sure had a lot of junk on it.
>after DKjr but finally Dk's son manages to rescue his father and Mario is forced to leave the
>jungle without the monkey.
>When Mario returns to Brooklyn Luigi persuades him that they should get into the demolition
>business. Since none of them had really enjoyed their time as carpenters Mario gladly agreed.
>After some trouble with some mutated adjustable spanners and a mad foreman (smells Bowser >long
way!)
ALL: (Look really stunned)
TOM: (head starts to smoke) Smells Bowser long way?! What the hell does that mean!!!!!!!!!!! Has
the author gone completely insane?!
>they decides to lend some money from Mr. Mario and open a hotel: Hotel Mario! The business is
>going pretty good but Mario is far from enjoying the calm and sometimes boring life as hotel
>managers and he decides to try his luck in the world of sports (one of the reasons was that >he
didn't felt at home here on earth he was longing to return to his parents in the Mushroom >Country
but he never told Luigi that!). First he was a Tennis
CROW: Not just tennis, but "Tennis."
>referee for some seasons and at the same time practicing for being a boxing referee. Mario
>actually judged most of the fights in the championship when the unknown boxer Little Mac >became
World Champion over a night!
TOM: If you don't know sport's history just make some up.
>After all these fast sports Mario relaxes with some golf and was actually quite good at it and
>competed in many competitions and nearly won some of them too! At his spare time he worked as >a
flagman at F1 races waving in the cars as they crossed the finish line.

TOM: (Sarcastic): Oh, is that what flagmen do? I thought they sold nachos at the concession stand.

>One afternoon Luigi didn't had many customers at Hotel Mario so he spent his afternoon >watching TV
when he heard on the news that a gigantic lizard was running rampage in the >middle of Tokyo
smashing buildings and cars as he ran about.
MIKE: I guess Mr. Exclamation Point can't bother to put one on that sentence.
>He suspected that it could be Bowser looking for them and when he a couple of minutes later >saw a
video of it he was sure it was Bowser!
CROW: Considering he was eight when he last saw Bowser I doubt if he remembers him that well.
>He called Mario who was in the middle of judging a boxing game and told him to come home
>immediately.
MIKE: I call no fair, Mario isn't even a boxing referee anymore. Get your jobs right Mr. Author.
>Mario came as fast as he could and after Luigi had explained all about Bowser's appearance in
>Tokyo
CROW: Bowser's appearance was a welcome change to the Tokyo citizens who were tired of the
constant Gamera, Godzilla, and Rodan attacks.
>they decides to abandon the hotel and that Mario would stop working as Boxing referee as it >would
be a disaster if Bowser spoted for example Mario on the TV when he was judging a game >or saw an add
for Hotel Mario!
TOM: Or it could be even worse and he could see an ad for Hotel Mario.

>They sold the hotel on an auction and made an agreement with the buyer that he had to rename >the
hotel in order to buy it. Now they wondered what to do , Mr. Mario who had always been >and still
was a proud plumber, persuaded Mario and Luigi to become plumbers too. They started >out working at
Mr. Mario's own company but after a while they opened an own plumbing company >called Mario & Luigi
plumbing.
MIKE: Hotel Mario, Mario & Luigi Plumbing, a bookworm could come up with more original names.
>Business were going great for the two plumbers and one day they got a call from the governor >of
Brooklyn asking them to fix a problem with Mario some pipes in the sewers beneath the >town. They
had just started working when monstrous crabs, flies and turtles started crawling >out of the pipes
and attacking them. and Luigi managed to defeat the creatures and as they >stood there trying to
catch their breath they spoted a unnaturally big green pipe that hadn't >been there before....
TOM: I do not want to know where that pipe was.

>They suspected that it had something to do with their parents (they remembered something about >a
big pipe as they were transported to earth from the Mushroom Kingdom)
CROW: Come on. . . They were eight.
>or was it just one of Bowser's traps?! They hesitated for a while but their curiosity made >them
both make a big jump right down into the green pipe.
>Chapter 2

TOM: (singing) Second verse, worse than the first.

>It all turned black and then green and then red and then blue and these three colors started
>flashing faster and faster until it stopped and they saw bright light from the end of the >pipe and
then it all went black. They woke up in their respective rooms in their parents >mushroom house.
CROW: So the Mushroom Kingdom allows just ordinary old people to own pipes that transport people to
Brooklyn.
TOM: And apparently Mario and Luigi's parents have been throwing monsters through it.
>Although that it was almost 20 years since they had been here before, they immediately knew >were
they were, the rooms was just like they had left them when they were only 8 years old. >Mario
finally felt like he was home again!
>Meanwhile at Bowser's Castle:
>Bowser had some weeks ago decided to move his castle from the Yoshi Islands to don't be >bothered
by the Yoshis anymore. His
>troops had begun building a castle outside the Mushroom Kingdom and Bowser had met a female >member
of the Koopa empire which results in 6 ugly Koopakids:
ALL: Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww!
MIKE: There is some information that you just don't want to know.
>Wendy, Iggy, Morton jr, Ludwig, Lemmy and Larry! Some days ago his new castle had stood ready >and
Bowser had start planning on his first attack at the Mushroom Kingdom. Now his troops was >almost
ready to storm into the Mushroom Kingdom!
CROW: Their plan however was stopped by a cold front to the west.


>The next morning the whole Mushroom Kingdom awakes by the sound of the emergency alarm. Bowser >was
leading his troops in direction of the Mushroom Kingdom! Peach ordered her army of brave >Mushroom
soldiers to defend the Kingdom,
TOM: Wouldn't it make more sense if the head of the army was ordering attacks?
>of around 100 brave mushroom men couldn't hold back Bowser's troops in more than half an hour
>before they had to surrender! Mario and Luigi runs to protect the Princess of the Mushroom >Kingdom
Peach, but they were to late, she had already been kidnapped by Bowser! Mario and >Luigi didn't
hesitate a minute to go and try to rescue Peach from Bowser, but i wasn't going >to be easy!
TOM: This is it Mike, I'm resigning.
MIKE: Come on Servo, we just started.
TOM: I don't care Mike. This story is too bad. I can't take it anymore. It just makes no
sense whatsoever. I'm leaving right now.
MIKE: How are you going to get over the air grate?
TOM: (frustrated) I guess I'll just have to read this junk then.
>The turtles they encountered in Brooklyn had
>now evolved and some had grown wings and some of them had even learned to walk upright and >threw
hammers after the plumbers. They also meet the Goomba, a small mushroom like creatures >with big
sharp teeth. Mario and Luigi also faced the Piranha plants and Bullet Bill for the >first time.
Mario and Luigi thought their way through the country
CROW: Usually, thinking isn't the best strategy to get yourself across a country. Fighting works
a lot better.
>and defeated Bowser in all the fortresses that he had built to defend his troops, by >lowering the
bridge that they were fighting on leaving Bowser to take a hot bath in the lava >sea below!
TOM: Actually, I've heard that a nice hot lava bath just melts away all your troubles (Thinks.)
Or is that flesh?
> It were all getting on pretty slim until they met a weird turtle flying around on a cloud
>throwing big beetles with spikes on their backs after them. He was to high up in the air to >either
jump or throw fireballs on him! They were running out of ideas and ran for cover under >a couple of
questionmark blocks.
>- Why don't we use his own weapon against him. Luigi suggested.
>- What do you mean! Mario said surprised.
>- Do like this! Luigi answered.
MIKE: (Mario) Eww! No! How are you getting in that position? Yuck! Just get up! That's never
going to work!


>Luigi took up one of the beetles in it's tale and threw it up in the air after the cloud. But >it
was useless. It didn't reach high enough.
>- You're doing it the wrong way. Mario said.
>- Oh really why don't you show me. Luigi said
TOM: If I were Luigi I'd probably be on the verge of killing Mario for showing off by now.
> as he jumped aside to avoid getting a beetle in his head.
>Mario took a nearby growing vine and took up a beetle and then used the vine as a sling. The
>beetle threw high up in the air and hit the cloud and the turtle fell to the ground. After a
>couple of Fortresses later they finally stood looking up at Bowser's might castle. They prayed >and
entered.
CROW: Being good Muslims the Mario Brothers prayed six times a day.
>The castle was like one big labyrinth with lots of pipes leading to even more pipes but after >they
had been wandering about aimlessly in there for almost an hour
TOM: Sadly, that was how long it actually took the author to get through the level
>they finally found a way to Bowser's room. Bowser welcomes them by spitting fire and throwing
>hammers after them, effectively blocking the way to the lever controlling the bridge!
CROW: Well, that's not a very friendly greeting.
>They had to think fast or else they would be fried alive!
>- I'll try to keep him occupied so that you can go and lower the bridge. Luigi said, as he >ducked
for a fireball.
>- But then you'll also be fried! Mario warned.
>- No, i'll run and jump to safety once Bowser realizes that he's going down.
>- Okay let's do it!
MIKE: Oh! Of course, Luigi is the one who will be risking his life. What a surprise!

>Luigi ran in front of Bowser and started shouting:
>- Hello you overgrown lizard! You can't hit me! Loser, Loser!!
>A cascade of hammers flew at Luigi who jumped aside in the last second just to dodge a >fireball
coming right at him. He looked at the lever and saw how Mario was standing there >ready to pull it.
>- Now Mario! he shouted
TOM (Mario): Thanks for blowing my cover!

>Mario pulled the lever and the bridge started moving. In the confusion Luigi ran and prepared >to
jump up til the platform on which Mario was standing, but a fireball blocked his way and >he had to
jump aside to avoid being fried beyond recognition. Now the bridge had been >lowered almost 2
meters!
>- Jump! I'll grab your hand! Mario shouted
>Luigi rolled to away from Bowser avoid being crushed by Bowser's foot and started running for >the
platform. He jumped and Mario grabbed his hand
CROW: away while saying Gotcha!
>pulling him up only seconds before a big fireball smashed the wall below!
>- Se you later alligator! Luigi shouted as Bowser was lowered into the hot lava sea.
>The plumbers hurried into the next room where they found Peach.
>- I don't know what to say.. Thank you! Peach started.
>- Well i've never rescued a princess before so don't ask me! Luigi replied.
>- Duuhhhhh.... Mario said as he gazed at Peach, bewitched by her beauty.
TOM o/~That witchcraft~/o

>Luigi put his elbow in Mario's back to wake him up.
>- My name is Mario and he is Luigi we heard about Bowser and that he had kidnaped you...
MIKE (Peach): I think you're mistaken. Bowser kidnapped me.

>Mario said still a bit confused.
>- How will I ever be able to thank you!? Peach said
>- You don't need to thank us, we are just doing our job. A true plumber never let a girl down!
>Mario quickly replied.
TOM: I wonder why that motto never caught on with plumbers.

>Mario, Luigi and the princess returned to the Mushroom Kingdom were they all had a big party >were
all the Yoshi's was invited!
MIKE: They did nothing, but let's invite them anyway.
>It was way past midnight before Mario and Luigi finally got to sleep.
>That night Mario had a strange dream about a long, long stairway leading up to a door. As soon >as
he opened the door he was confronted with a new world he had never seen before. He heard a >heard a
faint voice saying:
CROW: Help me Obi-Wan-Kenobi. Ooops, sorry. Wrong movie.

>-Welcome to Sub-Con, the land of dreams. We have been cursed by Wart and we are completely >under
his evil spell. We have been awaiting your arrival. Please defeat Wart and return SubCon >to its
natural state. The curse Wart has put on you in the real world will not have any >effect upon you
here.
TOM: When did Wart place a curse on Mario in the real world?
>Remember, Wart hates vegetables. Please help us!
>The next second a bolt of lightning flashed before Mario's eyes. Stunned, Mario lost his >footing
and tumbled upside down. He awoke in his bed with a strange feeling. Was it just a >dream.. No it
must have been something more, it was so real.

>The next day Mario talked to Luigi, Toad and Peach about his strange dream but they just joked
>about that he must have been drinking to much last night and decided to go an a picnic at an
>nearby mountain to get Mario's mind on other things. When they had arrived they spotted a cave >and
Mario insisted on exploring it and the others followed him, relieved that Mario had got >his
thoughts away from that dream.
CROW: At least 6 sentences without an exclamation point. A first.
TOM: And since when is drinking mentioned in the Mario universe?
>Once inside they saw a long stairway leading up up and up.
>- This was just the one in my dream! Mario said surprised.
>- Let's go up the stairs. Mario continued
>The four friends walked up the stairway and at the top they saw a door just like the one in >his
dream. Mario looked at the others in a superior manner as he said:
>- I told you.....
>Luigi interrupted Mario before he'd got any further:
>- Okay you were right, lets go inside!
MIKE (Luigi): I didn't see your dream but I believe you anyway.

>They opened the door and the beautiful luxuriant landscape with grass, lakes and waterfalls >and
trees everywhere that Mario had seen in his dream spread out before there eyes.
>- Hey funny looking creatures, draped in red sheets and with big white masks! Luigi cried out.
>- I wouldn't do that if I were you ..... Toad started, but to late Luigi had already >approached
the creature and started pointing at it's little mask.
>- What a cute mask it's got!
>The little creature took a big bite of Luigi's forefinger.
>- Weaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiihhh!!!! Take it away from me!!
TOM: Hemingway has got nothing on this guy's dialogue.

>Mario manages to hit the creature so that it let go of Luigi's finger. The same voice that >Mario
had heard in his dream talked to them.
>- Wart turned the friendly inhabitants into evil creatures when he took over here and started
>playing with the dream machine... Be careful!
>- Couldn't it had said it before I approached that creature! Luigi said as Peach took care of >his
finger with the first aid kit she was always bringing with her when she was on trips.
ALL:(chuckle)
MIKE: I have the feeling that Peach is the kind of person that wears a helmet in the shower.

>- We have no time to loose. Let's go! Mario said to stop Luigi's wailing.
>The 4 brave heroes began their long journey through the odd dreamland SubCon and it wasn't >long
until they reached a place were a pink creature with an rolling boll on it's stomach >wlked around.
TOM: Did the author spell check at all?!
>He shot eggs from it's mouth after them wandered around. In the background they could see a >big
eagle head carved into the wall.
>- Hello i'm Birdo and i'm going to make your life a really pain by guarding each passage >between
the areas of SubCon, the creature welcomed them.
CROW (chuckling): That statement sure sounds welcoming.

>- What a weird creature let's give him something to think about! Mario said as he picked up on >of
Birdo's eggs lying on the ground and threw it back on him.
>- Strike! Luigi shouted as the egg hit Birdo.
MIKE (announcer): Oh no! I'm sorry. You missed one pin. Let's see if you can make this spare.

>- You'll have to do better than that! Birdo said as he continued on shooting.
>Whoosh! Toad threw an egg on Birdo and Peach took another egg and threw it after the creature.
>This time the creature fell to the ground. Luigi approached it.
>- Not so tuff anymore, eh!
>Se you soon, very soon! Birdo laughed and disappeared in a black cloud.
CROW: This is the second time someone's said se. Is the Mushroom Kingdom in Spain?

>- Weird fellow! Toad pointed out.
>- He left this. Daisy said as she held up the rolling ball that Birdo had carried.
TOM (Daisy): Hi! I'm Daisy and I popped out of thin air. Mind if I join your party. Thanks.

>- Give it too me...... A low voice said.
>- What was that! Luigi said surprised.
>- Maybe it was the eagle head. Mario suggested.
>Mario took the ball and approached the eagle head. When he had come so close that he could see
>that the head wasn't just a statue, it was alive, the eagle head opened it's mouth and the >ball
flew up in the air and into the mouth.
>- You are free to enter. the eagle said.
>- Enter? Luigi said surprised.
>- You can walk into my beak to be transported to a new area. it answered.
>The 4 friends took a deep breath and jumped into it's beak.
MIKE: Counting "Daisy" there's five of them..

>The next second they were standing on a ledge with an deep canyon beneath.
>Whoosh! A little bird on an flying carpet dives from the clouds and nearly pushes Toad of the
>cliff. The bird comes flying down a second time when Mario jumps up in the air, lands on the
>carpet and throws the bird into the canyon.
TOM: PETA is not going to be happy.

>- Good Mario, try to figure out a way to control it? Luigi shouts after Mario as he flies away >in
the distance.
>They all stood silently as Mario disappeared in the distance. But then after only seconds >after
Mario came flying back in their direction them.
CROW: Did anybody understand what just happened?!
ALL: (shake heads no)

>- I can control it's direction by just thinking about it! Mario shouted.
>- Tell it to stop! Peach shouted back.
>Mario came back for the second time, this time right against them! They all prepared to jump >aside
as Mario hurtled against them but just seconds before impact the carpet stopped.
>- Admit that i fooled you all you really thought that i would crash! Mario said in triumph.
>- Grow up Mario! Luigi shouted back.
MIKE: Ironically, at that exact moment Mario grew into a f0 foot colossus.

>- Come on jump aboard! Mario said.
>They started flying away in direction of a distant ledge were they could catch a glimpse of >some
creatures walking around.
>They had were nearly there when the carpet started flash repeatedly.
>- Maybe it can't take to many persons, Toad pointed out.
>- Please remove one passenger or you wont reach your destination, a voice coming from the >carpet
said.
TOM (carpet voice): Thank you for flying, Flying Carpet airlines. Please enjoy this complimentary
bag of peanuts.

>- If I jump of 50 meters before the arrival then, Peach started.
>- Then the other would make it, the carpet answered.
>- What! are you going to sacrifice yourself! Mario interrupted.
>- Since iv'e come to SubCon i have begun to develop the ability to hoover in mid air shorter
>distances, only a few meters but if i concentrate enough a can do it! Peach insisted.
MIKE (Peach): Oh yeah! I can hover in midair. Sorry, I didn't tell you that before. I didn't
think it was that important.

>- No it would be to dangerous! Mario answered.
>- It's the only way! Luigi insisted.
>- Okay! Mario said quietly.
>- it's 60 meters left, prepare to jump. Luigi said.
>- 50 meters, Jump!
CROW: Who said that?
TOM: Probably "Daisy."

>The Peach jumped and started to hover in the air. She started to move in the direction of the ledge
like a majestic bird.
>The carpet had already reached the ledge and disappeared in a bright bolt of light.
>- You can do it Peach! Toad screamed.
>- You have only 20 meters left. Mario shouted.
>When she had only 2 or 3 of meters left a mysterious creature with a trident attacked her. She
>lost her concentration and fell into the canyon. The other 3 saw her plummet down beneath the
>ledge they were standing on. Mario ran to the edge and looked down. Peach was laying on a >ledge
just beneath theirs. They took a vine and lowered it so that Toad could climb down to >Peach.
TOM: Care to explain more about that trident creature.

>- She seams to be allright! he shouted up to Mario and Luigi.
>Tie the vine around her and then climb up! Mario instructed.
>After a bit of pulling Peach was up on the ledge and they could soon continue.
ALL: (Laugh hilariously)
MIKE: So apparently, when you fall into a deep canyon, you don't break any bones and are able to
walk again almost immediately.

>After a while they was confronted with a locked door and later on they found a key. As Toad >took
the giant key from it's pedestal they heard a eery voice saying "Drop that key!" and one >of the
masks on the wall came hurtling towards Toad. Toad jumped aside and managed to dodge >it's attacks 3
times but as the mask prepared to attack him the fourth time Toad was >exhausted and couldn't
escape! The mask just kept on saying the same sentence all the time: >"Drop that key!".
>- Toad throw away the key! Luigi shouted.
TOM (Toad): No, I think I'll wait until the mask attacks me 50 more times.

>Toad threw away the key and the mask changed direction back to it's position on the wall.
>- So it doesn't harm us as long as we doesn't hold the key. Mario said.
>- Then we can throw it all the way to the locked door without the mask hurting us! Luigi said.
CROW: Mike, is it even possible to throw a key into a lock?
MIKE: It is in Stupidland.

>At the end of this area they faced a huge snake with 3 heads called Triclyde. They ran for >cover
behind some big mushroom and then when Triclyde eventually stopped firing all of them >took one
mushroom each and threw them at Triclyde. The big snake fell to the ground and a door >appeared.
Their adventure in SubCon continued through chilling ice countries, hot deserts and >barren
mountains.
TOM: How sad. Now those mountains will never experience the miracle of having a child.
>They met many odd creatures like the walking bombs the Bob-Ombs and in the desert they had >many
unpleasant meetings with walking cactus Cactu
CROW (Sarcastic): What an original name.
>and the big snakes Cobrat. Birdo also returned at the end of almost every course guarding the
>entrance to the next area. After a while Birdo started to change color into red or grey >and
started shooting fireballs after our heroes and they had to use mushroom or the vegetables >growing
all around SubCon, instead to throw back at him. He wasn't to hard after a bit of >practice!
MIKE: Wart has got to come up with a more effectual villain.
>They also met the bomb throwing mouse became his doom. When they were near the end of their
>adventure they faced a gigantic flying fireball named Fryguy. He flew around Mouser and his >pals.
They dealt with him to throwing back the bombs he threw at them. The third bomb >exploding in his
face in a little room and spited fire after the 4 heroes.
TOM: I spite you with fire.
>When they had thrown some mushrooms at him he divided himself into many smaller fires that >jumped
around frenetically on the ground. Mario, Luigi, Toad the princess took one mushroom >each and
flew up on a platform above. When the small fires had gathered in the middle of the >room they all
threw their mushrooms on them and they vanished in a puff of smoke!

TOM: So all the good guys disappeared and the stories over. Let's leave.
MIKE: Not so fast.
>After many hard fights with Wart's creatures they came to Wart's big cloud world and after a >while
they came to his big castle guarded by the projectile spitting Snifits. Inside they were >confronted
by many of the toughest enemies and after many tuff fights they met Birdo:
>- No! Not again! It must be the twentieth time! Luigi complained.
MIKE:(whining Luigi): Not again! This must be the twentieth time. Plus, my feet hurt, and my head
hurts, and I think I've got a stomachache.

>- At least! Mario filled in.
>- Okay let's take him down!
>- Don't count on it! Birdo said.
>- Oh, yes we will and ...
>Mario didn't get any further because he had to jump to dodge a fireball coming from Birdo's >mouth!
>- He shoots fire and we have nothing to throw back on him! Luigi broke out.
>- Easy we'll just walk out that door we came fr...
>Donk!
CROW (Chuckles): Donk?????? That has got to be the stupidest sound effect I have heard in my entire
life.
MIKE: It's time to leave.
(MIKE&TB leave the theater.)

(AOL: Mike and the bots are standing around when suddenly the Mad's light flashes.)
MIKE: Looks like Joe, Harry and Pearly are calling.
(White House: Pearl is sitting behind the desk in the Oval Office going over some paperwork.
Observer is standing nearby looking at the contents of such folders as: Who Killed JFK, Area 51,
etc. Bobo is busy picking up and breaking various things on Pearl's desk.)
PEARL: Oh hi, Nelson. Sweet deal.
OBSERVER: Look a this Pearl. Apparently the person who shot JFK was some man named (looks closely)
I. P. Freely. (Does a double take) OK. There's a chance that, that may not be their real name.
(AOL)
MIKE: Well, I'm impressed that you won, Pearl, but weren't you dictator of Qatar.
CROW: Yeah, and wasn't Bobo in the Cleveland Zoo.
TOM: Yeah! And what about Scarecrow's brain?!
(White House)
PEARL: I can explain all that. I left Qatar after they refused to get a u. Apparently, it was some
kind of cultural crap. And Bobo left Cleveland after a little. . . (Searches for the right word.). .
.accident.
OBSERVER: I'll field this one. Let's just say that he lead to the untimely exit of several
zookeepers. Apparently, he goes insane when anybody utters the word nougat.
BOBO (Crazed): Did somebody say nougat?! (Leaps on Observer and the sounds of their very painful
fight can be heard off screen.)
PEARL (Ignoring fight.): Anyway, I was just going over the plans to my 5 trilion dollar tax
increase.
(AOL)
ALL: WHAT!!!!
CROW: I thought your motto was no taxes.
TOM: Yeah, and what about Scarecrow's brai. . . (Mike cuts him off.)
MIKE: The moment's over.
(White House)
PEARL: Well, all that stuff I said on the election campaign. It was kind of a lie. And you guys
better behave. I might just send you up a statue that I'm getting rid of.
(AOL)
CROW: What statue?
TOM: Is it the 50-foot tall Victoria's Secret statue?
MIKE: There's no Victoria's Secret statue. (Thinks a little bit.) Is there?
(White House)
PEARL: No you idiots. It's just some hunk of junk that's been hanging around New York Harbor.
Some big green lady.
(AOL):
MIKE (Outraged): How dare you get rid of the Statue of Liberty! That is one of our most treasured
landmarks! It's the first thing immigrants see when they come to our country! It gives them hope,
and (Starts rambling)
TOM: Uh-oh. He's in his rambling stage. (To Crow) I think you know what to do. (Both exit off
screen)
(White House)
PEARL: Oh shut your trap. I think it's time for you to (All of a sudden the screen freezes. No
sound can be heard, and Pearl is frozen.)
(AOL: Mike is still rambling. Tom and Crow come in from off screen. Crow is carrying a big clown
hammer, which he proceeds to hit Mike on the head with. He stops rambling)
MIKE: Thanks guys. I needed that. (Looks at the screen) Hey what's going on down there Pearly?
(White House: Pearl stays frozen for a few moments but then the screen goes back to normal.)
PEARL: Sorry, about that. The system's new, so we still have a few bugs to work out. And I think
it's time for you to get back into that theater.
(AOL: Everything is eerily still. Fanfic sign isn't going off and M&TB are just standing around.)
MIKE: What's going on?
CROW: I guess the fanfic sign is broken. Why don't we just spy on Mrs. Forrester? See what
she's up to.
TOM: Yeah, let's find out about Scarecrow's br. . . (Mike grabs the clown hammer from Crow and
hits Tom over the head with it.)
(White House: The fight has finally ended and Observer walks in from off screen with torn clothes.)
OBSERVER (To Pearl): I still don't understand why you're going to increase taxes. I mean, you
are blowing up the world in a few hours.
PEARL: Would you just shut. . . (Looks up at the monitor.) Hello! Mike! Are you up there?
(AOL: The bridge is empty. Crow's net is sticking up very obviously from behind the counter.
Mike's arm then reaches up from behind the counter and pushes it down.)
(White House)
PEARL (Oblivious): I guess we're safe. And as I was saying Brain Guy, just shut up!
OBSERVER: You can't make me.
PEARL: Yes I can! (Calling off screen.) Nougat! (All of a sudden Bobo's arms pop out from off
screen and drags Observer off. We go to commercial with the sounds of the fight.)
(Planet bumper.)

(M&TB enter the theater.)
MIKE: I can't believe this.
>The door from which they came closed!
>- Now you are trapped here with me! Birdo laughed.
>- Maybe if i'll sing for him maybe he'll calm down and we can pass. Mario suggested.
>- It's worth a try. Luigi said.
>- Don't you think it's a little bit to far-fetched? Peach whispered in Luigi's ear.
>- If we are lucky Birdo will beg for mercy after he's heard Mario "singing" Oh Sol e Mio! >Luigi
whispered back!
TOM (Fake laughing): Oh this Luigi is chock full of fresh witticisms.

>- Oooh Sol e Mio.......! Mario started.
>- It's truly is excruciating! Toad pointed out as he reached for something to put in his ears.
MIKE: I call no fair. Earlier they said that they had nothing to throw at Birdo and now Toad is
putting stuff in his ears?

>- Noooo! Noo! Stop! I can't stand it any longer! Birdo screamed as he laid on the floor >writhing
in pain.
>- Take him away! Birdo screamed and disappeared in a black cloud of smoke!
>A couple of rooms later they found a "rolling ball" lying on a pedestal and no Birdo was to be
>seen!
>- Looks like your "singing" scared him away! Luigi started teasing.
>- He just like the rest of you hasn't learned to appreciate special range that i can sing in!
>Mario quickly answered.
TOM: The only people that can hear Mario's "special range" are dogs.

>Mario walked and picked up the ball and was approaching the eagle head to deliver the ball to >it
as the head left the wall and attacked Mario. Mario didn't have time to react and >the eagle head
bit his left leg!
>To other ones grabbed a mushroom each and threw it at the eagle head which stopped and opened >it's
head. Peach ran to look after Mario.
>- He seams to have a broken leg! She screamed to the other.
CROW (Peach): I'll have to get my needle and thread to sew up the seam.

>The same voice as they had heard when they arrived at SubCon appeared:
>- Hurry! Wart is close and remember.... Wart hates vegetables.
>I'll and Toad stays here and you go after Wart! Peach said.
TOM: Less sense make these sentences.

>Luigi jumped into the eagle port and he found himself in a big room with three big platforms
>floating in the air.
>- Greetings brave fool! Wart who has standing in the opposite corner of the room welcomed >Luigi.
MIKE: Luigi is going off alone to fight the final bad guy in the game. Why am I not surprised?

>In the next second a couple of bubbles came hurtling against Luigi. Luigi noticed the Dream
>Machine which was standing in the middle of the room and had started spitting out vegetables.
CROW: How conveeeeeenient.

>Luigi remembered the voice "Wart hates vegetables". He took a vegetable and threw it against >Wart
just as he was about to spit another bunch of bubbles after Luigi. The vegetable flew >right down
Wart's mouth and he screamed in pain.
>- How disgusting i'll kill you for that!
TOM: What was he trying to do before then? Give him a bubble bath?

>As Luigi reached to pick up a another vegetable, Wart shot a bubble that hit Luigi in the head
>knocking him to the floor... Luigi didn't move.
>- Was this all they send against me!? Wart laughed as he approached Luigi to put him in the >Dream
Machine to make him into a dream monster.
TOM: o/~I want a dream monster so I don't have to dream alone~/o
> As Wart bent over to pick him up Luigi opened his eyes and reached for the vegetable lying >next
to him and pulled It down Warts mouth.
>- Didn't your mother taught you to eat all your vegetables.
MIKE: Wow! That would be almost witty if Luigi could talk right.
>Luigi yelled in triumph as the green lizard tumbled backwards. Wart fell to the ground against >one
of the walls and Luigi could see how his green skins slowly turned grey. Wart turned into >a statue!
When Wart was no more than a very life like marble statue a door appeared and bright >light flowing
out it. The voice said
CROW: If you build it, they will come.

>- Luigi hurry we are in the room next to this.
>Luigi entered the door and inside he saw a big room with a big urn in the middle with a big >cork
on top of it. He jumped up on the urn and pulled up the cork. 8 small fiery like >creatures flew up
from the urn.
CROW: Then they burnt Luigi to death. The end
TOM: Yeah right.

>- Thank you Luigi for defeating Wart and releasing us. Now we can start the hard work to >rebuild
SubCon into a happy, nice world just like it was before Wart arrived. Is there >anything we can do
for you in return?
>- Yes, by brother Mario was injured as he was fighting one of Wart's creations in the room >before
Wart's room. I think he's got a broken leg or something! Luigi answered.
MIKE (Luigi): Yeah! Or something, I really didn't take much time to figure it out, what with his
life being at stake and all.

>- Nothing more, i'll teleport him and your other two friends here right away.
>Mario, Toad and Peach appeared in a vortex of rotating stars, right before Luigi's eyes.
TOM: What about Daisy?
>One of the dream creatures flew down to Mario and waved with his arms while he uttered some
>inexplicable sentences and a sphere of bright light began circulating around Mario. It began
>emitting a blur light that "scanned" Mario's leg and then the sphere merged with Mario's leg >and
disappeared.
CROW: So, a gigantic circle was attached to Mario's leg and then the leg disappeared. I am not
getting these guys to do my next surgery.

>- Your friend can now walk again. the dream creature said.
>Mario felt his legt again and he got up and started walking around.
>- I can walk Luigi! Mario shouted.
MIKE (As Mario talking baby talk to a dog): Do you want to go walkies Luigi? Yes you do, yes you do.
Sit up boy. Good boy.

>- Thank you dream creatures. Mario started.
>- No it's us that's going to thank you... They all said in chorus.
>- You must understand that we can't let you remeber all this because then it's highly likely >that
other evil people like Wart will come here too.
>- You mean that we can't return to our world. Peach stuttered.
CROW: But she didn't even stutter in the sentence.

>- No, but we'll send you back to you world without any memory of this conversation or the >picnic
you had. The only thing you'll remeber was your time here in SubCon until you defeated >Wart.
MIKE: So, they'll remember the adventure in SubCon, but not the picnic.
TOM: Maybe the SubCon people don't want them to remember how to make that tasty potato salad.

>The room started flashing.
>- Bye bye. We will always be in your dept! they heard the creatures saying.
>Then it all turned black and Mario, Luigi, Toad and Peach awoke the next morning with the same
>dream of SubCon and the evil Wart on their minds. A few days later all that was left of their
>adventure in SubCon was a fading memory of a very special dream inside Mario, Luigi, Toad and
>Peach's minds. Meanwhile, SubCon had returned to it's normal state.
TOM (Daisy): Umm.. Hello! Is there anyone there? I'm still here in SubCon. I think you guys
forgot about me. Hello!
>The Mario Brothers - Chapter 3
>Spys sent out by the Mushroom Kingdom Secret Service (M.K.S.S.) had reported that Bowser had
>begun arming his troops and new previously unknown fortresses had been discovered. Bowser's >troops
had been estimated to about 150 Goombas, 200 Koopa Troopas, 25 Hammer Brother and 75 >other troops.
Much bigger than the last one! The Mushroom Kingdom and the surrounding Kingdoms >prepared to meet
Bowser's attack, but there were no attack!
MIKE: Ahh! More exclamation points. I was beginning to miss them.
>For 2 weeks they waited for Bowser to approach them with his troops. Bowser never attacked
>instead it seamed like he was building up his defences rather then planing an offensive. Then >one
morning when Toad as usual was walking up the long stairs to Peach's room in one of the >royal
Castle's towers to wake her up, he noticed that the door to her room was open. Peach >always sleeps
with her door closed. He walked towards the door and peaked in.
CROW: I wonder if he used K2, or Denali.
> Peach was gone! Toad immediately called a meating with the M.K.S.S. leaders including: Peach >(who
wasn't present!), Toad himself, Mario and Luigi for an emergency meeting.
>- What! Is Peach gone! Mario started after he'd hear Toad's story.
TOM (Toad): Well of course she's gone. I just said that I opened her door and she wasn't there.
Do you have the brains of a bagel?

>- Yes and I found this on her bed. Toad said and held up a letter reading: "Bowser has your
>precious Princess!" The letter was signed "Nina the Ninji".
>- Who's "Nina the Ninji"? Luigi wondered.
>- Ninji.. Sound familiar.. Toad started.
MIKE: Let's hope she teaches them how to talk correctly.

>- The black ninja like creatures with sharp teeth that we all saw in that strange dream a >couple
of weeks ago. Mario said.
>- But that was just a dream or wasn't it.... Luigi said.
>- Maybe not, I've always felt that it was more than a dream. Toad added.
>- I have also felt that it was more than a dream too. Luigi began.
CROW: Is this really the time for clarification?!

>- Whether this creature is from our dreams or not doesn't matter! Now we must find a way to >get
Peach back! Mario said a little bit annoyed by Luigi and Toads nagging.
MIKE: But that wasn't even nagging. Does the author have any comprehension of what nagging
actually is?
TOM: Hey Crow! I was wondering if that bagel I ate the other day was cinnamon raisin or plain.
CROW: Quit nagging me!

>Disguised as Koopa Troopas Mario and Luigi managed to sneak past many of Bowser's scouts
>patrolling the area around the Mushroom Kingdom. When they had walked about an our in their >big,
heavy, warm and highly uncomfortable Koopa Troopa suits they was fed up with it and >decided to
proceed by foot (without the suits).
TOM: Who cares if they're more obvious? At least they're not hot.

>The enemies they encountered this time was the same as in their last adventure: the dumb and >ugly
Goombas, the stupid Koopa Troopas, The vicious Piranha plants, flying Lakitus and the >Bullet Bills.
CROW: If they were the same must you bore us with a description again?!
>The only real threat were the Hammer Brothers. These swift and well armed Koopas were always
>dangerous. They threw their hammers with deadly precision and moved fast up and down the
>platforms. Apart from the Hammer Brothers Mario and Luigi didn't have to much trouble handling
>either Bowser or his troops.
TOM: In fact, they were so hard to handle, and coming by so fast, so Mario and Luigi kept popping
them in their mouth.
>When Mario and Luigi had defeated Bowser in his grand fortress they discovered a whole new >much
tougher world. Here they faced Bowser both in Fortresses and in outdoor areas. Mario and >Luigi
learned that if they could make it to Bowser witha fire flower they could
MIKE: run away like total wimps.
>shoot him! In the outdoor areas they couldn't defeat Bowser onless they had teh fireflow >ablilty
otherwise they just had to stay away from him. At last they managed to make their way >though the 4
new areas of this new world and found Bowser in his lair. Now after defeating >Bowser innumerable
times
TOM: I find it amazing that the author has spelled tons of words wrong earlier in the fanfic and yet
manages to spell innumerable correctly.
MIKE: I find it amazing that he even knows what it means.
>Bowser wasn't so hard to defeat anymore and he hadn't learned any new techniques this time >either.
When sending Bowser into the lava Luigi shouted after the lizard king.
>- You're no match for us mighty Mario Brothers anymore Bowser! We can defeat you and your >troops
in the sleep!
>- Yeah get a job Bowser! Mario shouted in triumph.

CROW (Bowser): But fighting you guys is my job.
>They freed Peach and found a shortcut back to the castle. It only took Mario and Luigi 2 days >to
rescue peach from the clutches of Bowser. After that they saw lesser and lesser of Bowser >and his
troops. Spys reported that Bowser had drawn back his remaining troops and had begun >building up a
fortress far away in the Dark World at the border of the World. It seamed like >Bowser had retired!
MIKE: I would like to nominate the seemed/seamed spelling error as one of the goofiest ever in a
story.

>Meanwhile in Bowser's newly built fortress Bowser sat depressed in his big throne with his >head
lowered. Luigi's words were echoing through his head: "You're no match for us >mighty Mario Brothers
anymore Bowser! We can defeat you and your troops in the sleep!".
TOM (Bowser): Hey! Luigi has a funny sounding voice!

>- How can I, the master of all evil be so easily defeated by two plumbers!? Bowser begun >talking
to himself.
>- Have I started to grow old!?
>- Have I lost my spirit, the "killer instinct" which my father Morton was so famous for?
>- Am I no longer able to battle or run an army!?
MIKE (Bowser): Am I rambling on and on to myself and slowly realizing how pathetic and hollow my
life actually is?

>- What do I have left to improve?
>Bowser calls in his chief strategist Kamek.
>- How can I serve you? kamek said as he bowed deeply.
TOM: Oh, I guess kamek's name isn't important enough to capitalize.

>- Am I losing by bite!? Bowser began.
>- Do you want me to be completely honest. Kamek asked.
>- Yes please... Bowser answered silently.
CROW: Mike, How do you answer silently?
MIKE: Like this . . .

>- You are not the Tyrant you used to be.
>- What can i do about it?
>- You must seek new strategies. How about using your kids, they should be useful in battle by >now.
TOM (Kamek): Why not sacrifice your kids' lives to make your empire more powerful?

>- They are only 10 years old but I could easily train them to be great fighting machines! >Bowser
began in triumph.
CROW (sarcastic): Oh yeah, 10 year olds are the best fighters in the world

>- And then we can give them an airship each and a minor army and then send them out to conquer >an
kingdom each.
>- When everyone is paralyzed by my children's violent rampage I can sneak in and kidnap Peach!
>Bowser shouted in happiness.
>- First we must build up and big army and try to summon new more powerful troops.

TOM (Kamek): I found this great airship you can use. Something called the Hindenburg.
>After month's of work the all airships was constructed and the armies were in place to invade >the
kingdoms. So Larry, Morton Jr., Iggy, Roy, Lemmy, Wendy and Ludwig went out in their first >mission
to spread havoc in the kingdoms around the Mushroom Kingdom. Mario and Luigi was soon >called to
sort things out.
MIKE: God forbid the citizens of the Mushroom Kingdom use some other protection measure than the
Mario Brothers.
>To aid Mario and Luigi in their new adventure Peach and her servants had invented new special
>powers for Mario and Luigi to use like the "Raccoon suit" which enabled the brothers to fly
>shorter distances.
>First they travelled to the Green Land
TOM (sarcastic): What an original name
>which was under control by Larry. After a smaller adventure
CROW: Which we won't bother telling you about.
>they came to a fortress. In the last room they was confronted with the owner of the fortress >(and
all the other fortresses in all the kingdoms): Boom Boom, a big Koopa Troopa with big >spikes on
his back. Mario and Luigi could only attack him when he didn't "exposed" his razor >sharp spikes.
TOM: Is it really necessary to put exposed in quotation marks?
>After a little practice he wasn't to hard Mario and Luigi just waited until he had unfolded >his
spikes and then jumped on his head. They continued on and some battles later and a brief >visit in
an underground cave they came to the castle of Grass Land
MIKE: But a few sentences ago it was Green Land.
>where they meet the king that had been transformed into an dog! He told them that Larry was
>watching them from his airship hoovering above the castle.
CROW: The king then sniffed his crotch and chased his tail around the room
>They ran out in the castle's yard and grabbed the airship's anchor and climbed up. After >being
confronted by a series of cannons and Bullet Bills they found the pipe leading down to >the cabin
where they found Larry. He waved with his wand and shot magical beams after the >brothers but Larry
was too slow and after 3 jumps in the head he was out of the game.
MIKE: Game over man, game over.
>Ligi ran to the cockpit and landed the airship outside the castle. They took Larry and the >wand
and walked in to the castle to go seue the king.

TOM: They "seued" the king for all his money and went home as millionaires
>Oh there he is, the one who turned me into what I am now! The King cried out when he saw >Larry.
>- We've got his wand right here. Luigi said.
>- Great just let the wand touch me and I'll return to my normal form!
>When the king had returned to his normal state he told the plumbers that he had a letter from >the
princess. With the letter Peach had enclosed a mysterious power up named the "P-wing" >which worked
like the raccoon suit except
MIKE: that it killed whoever used it. Quite pointless, actually.
>that the used could fly around freely for many minutes!
>The two brothers continued to the hot Desert Land were they met many new hazards, like quick >sand
and an small attacking sun which dived down after them, but Mario "disposed" him by >shooting a
shell at him.
CROW: First the author unnecessarily puts exposed in quotation marks, and now he does the same to
dispose. Does he even know what the purpose of quotation marks are?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>They also had many too close encounters with the Fire Snakes and Chomps patrolling the >desert.
Half through the desert they found a fortress. Inside they found many new enemies like >the big
spike furnished rocks called "Twomps" and the eery ghosts Boos that although lethal >could easily
be stopped by them by just looking deep into their eyes, because then they >blushed and stopped!
MIKE: Kind of a stupid villain.
>However the second you turned your back against them they started chase you again! Here they >also
encountered a new sort of hammer brothers the boomerang brothers and in one secret area >they found
the furious fire brothers that rapidly spitted fireballs
TOM: What! They aren't spiting fireballs.
>after Mario and Luigi. They had to use their P-wing that they had obtained from Peach to >defeat
them. After defeating Morton in his airship and restoring the king to his normal shape >they
continued on to the Water Land where they had to avoid all sorts of fishes and squids on >their
journey across the country and seabed. When they was walking on a bridge a huge fish >jumped up
from the water and almost swallowed Mario whole!
MIKE: Care to expand on that?
>In this world they also found a strange green frog suit which enabled the weared to swim >easier
and faster. The only female Koopa kids, Wendy O Koopa ruled this world. She jumped >around the
cabin and shot big candy wheels after Mario and Luigi.
TOM (Homer Simpson): Mmmmmm, candy.
>The brothers' next adventure was to take place in the strange Giant Land were gigantic Goombas >and
Koopa troopas attacked them and a new power up was found. The "Tanooki suit" enabled the >wearer to
(except from looking almost excruciatingly cute)
CROW: I'm learning a bit too much about the author.
>turn into a statue to hide from enemies. After a time Mario discovered that by transforming
>himself into a statue in midair and then falling down on enemies he could defeat previously
>undefeatable enemies! In the airship above Giant Land the funny looking, Iggy which were >wearing
big round glasses watched them. The glasses made him look like a real nerd and he was >in fact a
real whimp.
TOM (Author): Let's bash people that wear glasses.
>They took Iggy's ship to the next Kingdom the Sky Land.
>After some minor adventures they found a Goomba wearing a big green shoe.
>- I'm Kuribo's Goomba and I'm gonna stomp you on your heads until you drop! The Goomba >screamed.
CROW: Stomp Til You Dromp, the new game show on PAX TV.

>- Look at this! Luigi screamed back
>- This is my imitation of King Bowser Koopa! Luigi screamed after the Goomba and took up two
>sticks and put them into his ears
MIKE (Luigi): AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! These sticks are sticking into my skull!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>so that it looked just like he had horns and started jumping up and down while he uttered all
>sorts of strange sounds. The Goomba started laughing and Mario took the opportunity to sneak >up
behind the Goomba and throw him out of the shoe.
>- Jump in Luigi! Mario screamed after Luigi.
CROW (Luigi): How I am supposed to jump inside of myself?

>Luigi jumped into the shoe also. Whooshhh! The shoe flew high up in the air and landed right >on
top of a pipe 50 feet away, knocking out a Piranha plant that was looking up from the pipe.
>- Whoa! How did you do that! Luigi asked Mario.
>- I just pushed the lever, inside. Mario answered.
MIKE (Mario): You know, the big lever marked plot device.

>Mario and Luigi noticed that they could kill Piranha plants and Spinys by just jumping on them
>with the shoe! Soon they found a high tower leading high up to the sky.
TOM (Author): Let's see how many more times I can fit the word high into that sentence.
>When they walked out at the top of the castle they found a whole new world high up in the >clouds!
When they finally found the airship and met Roy Koopa in the ship's cabin they >encountered
problems.
CROW (Luigi): Mario, do you sometimes not feel fresh down (Mike clamps his hand down on Crow's
beak.)
MIKE: No.
>Roy was so heavy so that when he pounded the ground he caused a small earthquake stunning >Mario
and Luigi for the moment. This enabled Roy to take aim with his wand and fire a blast at >Mario. The
blast hit Mario and he screamed in pain.
>- MAARRIIOOOOOO! Luigi screamed.
>- My arm my arm! I'm wounded.
MIKE: So, a wand blast wounds Mario, but in SubCon Peach falls into a deep canyon and doesn't get
hurt at all.
>It's your turn next Luigi. Roy screamed as he prepared to pound the ground once more.
>- No it won't happen Luigi screamed and quickly grabbed a bit of wood lying in one corner of >the
cabin and summoned all his available power in one rage as he jumped after Roy and hit him .right
over the head with the bit of wood. Roy fell to the ground
CROW: So a medium size man, and a small piece of plywood take out the lizard that is big enough to
cause an earthquake?

>and Luigi rushed over to Mario to see how his arm was.
>- Quickly take me back to the castle and maybe they have a medic there who can take care of >me.
Mario moaned

CROW (Mario): Preferably, George Clooney.
>Luigi landed the ship outside the castle and Luigi ran in to call for help. When the medics >had
taken a look on Mario they returned to Luigi.
>- You brother was very lucky! The blast only hit his arm but unfortunately the bone is broken >so
he has to put plaster on it to let it heal.
TOM: Unfortunately, the plaster was the building kind and Mario had no more need for the Tanooki
Suit.
>The medic said.
>- But can we continue our quest.
>- I wouldn't recommend it but i guess i can't stop you!
MIKE (Medic): The slightest movement would break your arm but go along and continue your quest.

>After resting at the castle for 2 days the brothers took Roy's airship down to arctic, cold, >Ice
Land where they learned that natural obstacles like slippery walkways and cold lakes and >waterfalls
could at be least as dangerous as the enemies that patroled the area. After a slow >insecure trip
through the barren landscape and not too hard fight with Lemmy Koopa in his >airship
CROW: They sure hustled through that level.
TOM: Thank heaven for small favors.
>the last kingdom before the Dark Land where Bowser was hiding laid before them, the Pipe >Land.
This once so successful kingdom had been infested by thousands of Piranha plants . At >first there
was only a few of them but the piranha plants flourished in the many pipes in this >area and soon
they had taken over the whole kingdom and the inhabitants of this kingdom had to >take refuge to the
royal castle.

Mike: They never bothered to send for any help.
>Here Mario and Luigi faced one of the most hazardous enemies ever, both outdoors, indoors and
>beneath water.
TOM: Do you care to tell us about this "hazardous enemy"?
MIKE: Maybe the creature's name was Both Outdoors, Indoors And Beneath Water.
>They do however found one pleasant surprise. From a mushroom citizen living in a small house >they
got a "Hammer suit". This suit was much like the armor that the hammer brothers had but >more
improved and could stand fire attacks. The best thing however was the hammer that came >with the
suit. With these hammers they could attack and kill enemies they had never been able >to defeat
before! The airship hoovering
TOM: That is it! Hoovering!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Head starts to smoke.) Has this author even gone
through first grade SPELLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Head explodes.)
CROW & MIKE: (Coughing.)
MIKE: I'm gonna have to send him to the apartment. (Opens a slot in the floor and sticks Tom into
it.)
>above this land was one of the toughest and they had heard from the king that this Bowser kid >was
a real mean bastard
CROW (First is shocked but then starts laughing.): Bastard?! Nobody cusses ever in the Mushroom
Kingdom.
> so when they reached the pipe leading down to the cabin of the ship they stopped. The king >had
said that Ludwig as his name was, was so heavy that the floor shock when he jumped (just >like Roy).
>- Mario i can barely fight. Luigi started
>- I know I'm also weak. Mario answered.
>- What power ups do we have left. Luigi asked.
MIKE (Mario): A Coors Light, a Budweiser!!. Oh! Not those kinds of power-ups.
CROW: I'm going to need those kinds of power-ups to get through the rest of this fanfic.

>- A Super Mushroom, a fire flower, a Tanooki suit a Hammer suit and 2 P-wings. Mario answered.
>- Okay this is what we do. Mario continued.
>- I'll use one of the P-wings because then Ludwig can't stun me with his jumping.
>- Okay good luck Mario!
CROW: Mike? If they had 2 P-wings, couldn't Luigi just use the other one?
MIKE: Well, you see Crow. In the Mario universe, every single attempt to put Luigi into danger is
taken.
>With out his ability to stun his enemy Ludwig wasn't such a big problem and after turning the >King
back to his normal state and resting at the castle for a day or two they continued on >heading for
Bowser's fortress in the Dark Land. This was goning to be the toughest adventure >yet for the twins.
CROW: Sitting through Manos: Hands of Fate 100 times in a row.
>Bowser had built up a impressive defense, consisting of 2 big tank divisions, a whole armada >of
ships and countless attack planes. Mario and Luigi's bravery and inventiveness saved them >from all
these hazards. They swum beneath the armada
MIKE: I'm very impressed that the author knows what the word armada means. Of course he probably
just looked it up in a thesaurus.
> (luckily Bowser didn't have any subs!) and they used a P-Wing to fly past the attack planes >by
hiding high up in the clouds, the tank divisions however they had to deal with in >conventional
ways. The fortress in this area that was constructed like a gigantic maze was one >of the greatest
challenges Mario and Luigi had ever faced but they some way managed to find a >way out
CROW: Oh come on! They just used the strategy guide.
> and soon they stood outside Bowser's gigantic fortress.
>- Take this! Mario said as he threw the Tanooki suit to Luigi.
>- And I'll take this. he said and took up the Hammer suit.
>- It's not fair! Luigi started.
>- I always get to have this damn Tanooki suit,
CROW: Again with the cussing. The Mario Brothers deserve to have their mouths washed out with soap.
> you look like little cute raccoon in it!
>- It might not look like much but if you use the suit's statue form right it's very handy.
>- Yeah, if I face Bowser in this, maybe he laughs so much that his heart stops! Luigi snapped >at
Mario as he got dressed in the Tanooki suit. hj
MIKE: hj?! That is the worst spelling error we have ever had in a story. Even worse then trp.
>The two brave brothers entered the fortress and immediately faced Bowser's first traps: >statues
with the shape of a certain lizard king shooting lasers after all intruders! Then they >continued up
a long stairway and down another one while avoiding the roto discs that were >mounted there. After
the long stairways they found themselves looking out over a massive lava >sea with lava bubbles
jumping up and down everywhere.
CROW:I guess the lava bubbles grew legs.
>Fortunately small platforms were scattered above the sea and by using their perfected jumping
>skills they managed to make it across in one piece! After even more lava lake antics
CROW: Lava lake antics sounds like the name of some kiddy film.
>they had finally come to the door to King Bowser Koopa's room. A note attached to the door >read:
Step in if your life is NOT a precious thing to you!
ALL: (Weak laughter.)
MIKE: Oh, that Bowser is a laugh a minute.

>They entered and came to a big hall with a brick floor and a door in the end of the room.
>- Where's Bowser. Luigi wondered.
>In the same moment Bowser came falling down from the ceiling landing on a stone block near >them.
>- Greetings you'll make a excellent dinner! Bowser welcomed them.
>- How do you intend in beating me this time. Bowser continued.
>- Use your hammers! Luigi shouted to Mario.
>- I don't have no more iv'e used them all up! Mario shouted back.
CROW: Why are they yelling? They're standing right next to each other.

>- Now you have nothing to put up against me! Bowser shouted in triumph as he breathed away a >big
fireball after Luigi.
>Luigi ducked but had to jump aside because the next second Bowser can jumping trying to crush >him
to the floor.
MIKE: I wonder if can jumping is anything like the can-can?

>- No to tuff anymore! Bowser derided Luigi as he prepared to spit yet another fire ball this >time
after Mario. Shortly after Bowser>aimed and jumped after Mario trying to pound him to the >floor but
Mario was to fast for Bowser and he could escape and run over to Luigi.
MIKE: Actually, he just ran over Luigi.

>- Any other ideas brother. Mario said.
>- Yes I think so, take a look at the place in the brick floor where Bowser tried to crush me
>before. Luigi began
>- Yes what about it! Mario answered.
>- Take a look at floor, Bowser made a big crack in the floor as he pounded the ground.
CROW: Wait a second Mike. Is Luigi coming up with a good idea to beat an enemy?
MIKE: Knowing the author it's got to fail.

>- I understand if we get him to pound the ground enough times at that spot he might get that >part
of the floor to collapse!
>- Let's do it!
MIKE: (Mario): I get it now. Bowser will pound the floor causing us to fall into the scalding hot
pit of lava. Let's do it!

>Luigi ran to the spot with the crack and started shouting.
>- You can't hit me you old lazy lizard!
>Bowser jump up in the air and came hurtling like a torpedo after Luigi. In the last second >Luigi
jumped aside.
>- One more time. Mario shouted after Luigi, now it's my time.
>- I'll lure him over here. Luigi answered.
CROW (Luigi): You just stay out of there out of danger, Mario. I'll do all the work while you get
all the money, power and babes.

>After getting Bowser to jump after Luigi, Mario took his position on the crack that now was so
>wide that he could see the area below them . He took up a brick and threw it right in Bowser's
>head.
>- You can't hit me!
MIKE: Umm!He just did.

>Mario ducked for 3 fireballs coming towards him and prepared to dodge Bowser as he came >jumping.
Bowser got up his strength and jumped high up in the air and set course for Mario on >his way down.
Mario jumped aside and Bowser hit the crack and in an loud "crash" he fell >through the floor. Mario
and Luigi ran to the edge of the hole and looked down.
MIKE (Old guy from "The Mole People"): Going down, down, down.

>It was soo dark but in the distance they could hear Bowser screaming as he fell deeper and >deeper
into the darkness. After a while they heard a distant "donk"
(Mike and Crow collapse in a fit of laughter.)
CROW (Struggling back laughter.) D..D..onk (Can't take it any more and collapses in a fit of
laughter.)
> as Bowser hit the ground deep down in the darkness.
>The door at the end of the big room opened and bright light flowed out of it. Mario and Luigi
>entered and inside they found Princess Peach.
>- Thank you i never thought that you would get past Bowser's army! Peach thanked them.
>- This is the third time we rescue you from Bowser
MIKE (Mario): How dumb are you?
> isn't that worth a real party?! Luigi wondered.
CROW: Please don't let this be a lead-in for a Mario Party fanfic.

>- Oh, of course we'll arrange one for you this evening. Peach said.
>That evening they all had a big party to celebrate Mario and Luigi's bravery. Bowser was once >more
defeated but he hadn't given up yet. He had already started planning on his new >offensive, this
time far away from the Mushroom Kingdom.........

MIKE: It's time to go.
(MIKE and CROW leave the theater.)
(Planet Bumper)
(Commercials)
(AOL: Everybody is on the counter and Tom appears to be fixed. He and Mike seem very worried.)
MIKE: what are we going to do?! Pearl's going to blow up the world.
CROW: So?
MIKE: That will mean, no more Earth.
CROW: I'm still not seeing the downside here.
MIKE: Crow, if there's no Earth, there are no people. And if there are no people that means no
more Cindy Crawford.
CROW:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MIKE: I think we should call Gypsy and see if she can get the SOL fixed.
(We pan to see a picture of the crashed SOL in Mike's yard.)
CROW (nervous): Oooh, bad idea. You see, when she left I might have said some things which
weren't so nice.
TOM (Sarcastic): Thanks a lot Crow.
MIKE: Let me just see if she'll come. (Mike picks up the phone and calls Gypsy. The next few line
are him talking on the phone to Gypsy.) Hi Gyps. . . Uh-huh. . . Yep. . . Okay. . . Thanks. . . Bye
(Hangs up phone.)You're lucky Crow. Gypsy agreed to come he (All of a sudden a purple beam
appears in the middle of the screen and Gypsy pops out of it.)
TOM (Surprised): How did you do that?
GYPSY: It's called a transporter. It's what helps my company make 60 billion dollars a year.
You guys would have had 1/6 of that.
MIKE (In a daze): 10 billion dollars. (Walks off screen with a dreamy look in his eyes.)
GYPSY: Now, I'll agree to help fix the Satellite of Love as long as Crow does one thing for me.
CROW: Anything.
GYPSY: I want you to wear this (Holds up a Barney T-shirt) and sing the Barney theme song out on
your balcony.
CROW (Mad): OK (Crow somehow manages to put the shirt on and he moves off screen. We then hear him
faintly sing Barney's theme song. About this time Mike wanders back on screen. He appears to
have overcome his disappointment. While Crow is singing we can here the sound of a crowd gathering
and then the sound of an attack. Crow wanders back in wearing various splatters of rotten fruits
and vegetables.)
CROW (To Gypsy): You better be happy.
GYPSY: Oh, I am.
(Lights flash.)
ALL (Except Gypsy): WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN.
(Door sequence)

(M&TB enter the theater.)
>The Mario Brothers - Chapter 4
CROW: Does this thing ever end?!!!
>The months passed by and winter arrived at the Mushroom Kingdom. With the winter the cold and >the
fever came but this year it was worse than ever, cold, fever and measles epidemias
TOM: Yeah, you know your kingdom is in trouble when they come down with "epidemias".
> spread across the kingdom and soon almost the whole kingdom was struck by these viruses. The
>doctors tried every evailable cure but nothing helped! Mario and Luigi who fortunatelly wasn't
>infected, suspected that Bowser had something to do with it,
MIKE: Something goes wrong, so it must be Bowser.
> so he and Luigi went out to spy on Bowser in his fortess in the Dark Land. They saw the few
>troops Bowser had left, Bowser couldn't attack them now, what was he doing!? They managed to >sneak
into Bowser's room in his fortress by climbing inside the air vents of the fortress. >Therefrom they
heard Bowser's conversation with on of his troop leader Sgt. K. Koopa.
>Ha! Ha! Now that the whole Mushroom Kingdom is struck by my virus they will be to weak to >defend
themselves against our attacks! Bowser exulted!
CROW: Exulted?
TOM: It means to leap for joy, or to be extremely joyful.
CROW: This from Mr. "Donk".
>- Yes! even though we doesn't have close to as much troops as the last time the now weakened
>defenses of the kingdom will be no match for us. Sgt. K. Koopa replied.
>- We'll attack next monday! Bowser began!
>- Just remember to give these vitamins to your troops before they attack so that the virus >won't
attack them to! Bowser said.
>- Yes sir! Sgt. K. Koopa saluted Bowser.
>- We got to get our hands on these vitamins! Luigi whispered to Mario.
>- Yes we'll follow him to to see where Bowser is keeping the vitamins. Mario replied quickly.

TOM: Mario seems to have come down with a stuttering problem.
>The two plumbers crawled through the air vent into the next door room where they could see Sgt >K.
Koopa sitting on a chair in front of a big desk with maps of the terrain surrounding the >Mushroom
Kingdom. The sergent placed dots marking his troops as he was planning the attack.
>- They are going to attack us from the west! Luigi whispered to Mario.
>- That's must be because our main defense is placed in the east side, Bowser must have spied >on us
for a long time. Mario whispered back.
>- Come on we must warn the Princess! Mario said and pulled Luigi's arm.
MIKE: out of its socket causing it to fall through the air vent giving their position away.

>- No! Mario we must find the vitamins first, without them we won't win over Bowser's troops no
>matter how well prepared we are! Luigi reminded Mario.
>Another koopa entered the room.
>- Soldier O. Koopa reports! the koopa said.
>- Good! Take this key and go to the supply room # 3 and get 500 vitamins and the return them >to
me! the sergent ordered.
>- It's now or never Luigi. Mario whispered.
>- Okay, I'll take the soldier and you the sergant! Luigi answered.
CROW: Sergent, sergant, pick an incorrect spelling and stick with it!!

>The two plumbers took up the expandable spanners they always were carrying in their belts in >case
of an plumbing emergancy.
(All laugh hilariously.)
> Mario gave the bars of the air vent a punch and then they jumped out. Mario landed on the >sergant
and immediately clubed the surprised Koopa down. Luigi jumped down behind the soldier >Koopa and
gave it a swing with the spanner right in the back of it's head.
>Sweat dreams suckers!
TOM: I don't even want to know what a sweat dream is.
> Luigi said as he stood with one foot over the head of the Koopa!
CROW: I noticed that Luigi has all the catchy lines in this story. They're not good lines but
catchy lines all the same.

>Mario searched through the koopa soldiers pockets and found the key. They opened the door >leading
out to the corridor partly and looked out. The door was guarded by 3 big Mega Moles! >They closed
the door quickly. Although that the Mega Moles were blind they had a very reliable >nose and would
smell Mario and Luigi coming easily.
MIKE: You could smell Mario's B. O. a mile away. And don't get me started on Luigi's funk.

>- Great! How will we do now?! Luigi started.
>- I know. The Mega Moles can't see us. Right! Mario began.
>- Yes so what! Luigi wondered.
>- Then maybe we can fool them into thinking that these two Koopas that we just hitted >unconscious
are escorting us to a prison cell! Mario began
>- Yes if we hold the Koopas infront of us the Mega Moles will think that the Koopas are >escorting
us! Luigi agreed.
TOM (Mega Mole): I find it very odd that the Koopas can't tell us this information, but go ahead
anyway, you've never tricked us before.

>By fooling the Mega Moles to think that they were prisoners being escorted to their prison cell by
the Koopas
CROW: You just told us that!

> Mario and Luigi managed to sneak into the supply room #3 and take a bag of vitamins and then
>secape through the air vents from which they came. Back in the Mushroom Kingdom they informed
>Peach about Bowser's plans and let the royal medics take a look at the vitamins.
TOM: LET!!!!! Mario let the medics look at the vitamins! Who gave him that authority?!!!!!!!!!!!!
God forbid the medics are allowed to try to save the
country!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Tom starts to smoke, but Mike empties a bottle
of something into Tom's head and it stops.)
TOM: What was in that bottle?
MIKE: Ham.
>The medics analyzed the vitamins which came in three different colors: one red, one yellow >and
one blue and some which were for example half blue and half yellow.
MIKE: While the medics were busy studying the colors of vitamins, Bowser's troops invaded and
destroyed the entire kingdom.
> They figured out how to produce vast quantities of them so that the whole kingdom could be >cured.
They had one problem though the vitamins wasn't too predictable. Sometimes they killed >the viruses
immediatelly and sometimes it hardly had any affect at all.
>Then Mario figured out a way!
TOM: Oh of course MARIO figured out a way to use the vitamins. He's like the Marissa of The
Mushroom Kingdom.
> Mario was sitting in one of the labs and he had one bottle with "cold viruses" one with >"fever
viruses" and one with the "mssling viruses".
CROW: Then he released them in Luigi's drawer as a practical joke.
> When he looked at the viruses through a microscope Mario noticed that the cold viruses had a
>strong tone of blue so he tried to take a blue vitamin and put it next to the virus. The >vitamin
dissolved and the virus seamed to fade away. He threw in 5 more vitamins and soon the >whole bottle
was clean from the virus! Mario discovered that the red vitamins was best for >fever, the blue best
for the cold and the yellow for the measles virus!
>Mario told the medics what he'd found out and after only a couple of days the whole kingdom >was
free from the viruses! Mario got a honorary title as Dr. Mario!
MIKE: That must be how Dr. O'Conner in "Caretaker" got his title too.

>Back in Bowser's fortress a anxious messenger was walking across the corriddors. He had a sad
>message for the tyrant and
>Bowser was known to punish messengers with bad messages. A rumour circulating told that Bowser >had
actually fed one of his messangers who had annouced a particulary bad message to the lava >dargons
the blaargs living deep inside the caves of Yoshi island! The messengers, a red >muscular Shyguy
TOM: Was the muscular comment really necessary?
CROW: And why are "messengers" referred to as a singular person?
> walked slowly up to the door to Bowser's room and stopped. He took a deep breath and entered.
>- Message to your cruelness! He shouted.
>- Yes was is it messenger. Bowser who was in the middle of plannign the attack of the Mushroom
>Kingdom that was supposed to take place the next morning answered slightly absent.
TOM: So. Did the messenger, Bowser, or the upcoming attack of the Mushroom Kingdom answer slightly
absent.
MIKE: At this point I've given up.

>With shivering voise the Shyguy spoke.
>- This is from the scouts patrolling the Mushroom Kingdom area. They have noticed that the
>citisens have recovered from your viruses and their defense is now ready for us. I'll suggest >that
you don't go through with the attack tomorrow! Signed: K. Goomba leader of the Mushroom >Kingdom
scout team.
CROW: There's also a P. S. that says "Be Prepared".

>- Grrrrr! Bowser "morrade" and the messenger suspect the vorst.
TOM: Vhey vexpected vhe vorst von vhe vpcoming vattack.
MIKE: "Morrade"?

>- This can't be happening!!!!!!!! Bowser screamed at the messenger.
>- I was soo close to get them, how did they get hold of my vitamins!? Bowser ansked the >messenger.
CROW (Messenger): Could you try asking me instead?

>- I d-d-don't k-know. the messenger began.
>- Then start an investigation to figure who the guilty one is and when I get my hands on him >he'll
wish he was never born! Bowser creamed as he in anger took up and pulverised a stone >between in his
right hand!
TOM: Whenever I'm in anger I like to let out a good cream too.
>In another part of the fortress two axious Koopas (soldier O. Koopa and Sgt. K. Koopa) were
>wondering what would happen if Bowser found out that it was they who had screwed >up..............

CROW: But we won't tell you that more interesting story.
>The Mario Brothers - Chapter 5
>The after this exhausting time of adventures and deceases Peach, Toad, Luigi and Mario took a >well
deserved vacation to the Yoshi Islands thinking that Bowser would take it easy for a >while,
MIKE: I take it that "Daisy" is still in SubCon.
> happily unaware about Bowser's plans on a new evil attack, this time to get his revenge on >the
Yoshis! Mario & Co had a wonderful time on the Yoshi Islands even though they for some >reason never
actually saw any of the Yoshis....
>Then one day when Mario & Co was lying on the Boshi Beach of the Yoshi Island their vacation >took
a dramatic change....
TOM: Luigi revealed that he and Peach were long lost siblings, but they had also been carrying on an
affair behind Mario's back for the past month.
> Peach had gone to buy some ice cream for the others who was lying on the beach waiting for >her to
come back with the refreshments. When Peach didn't show up after nearly 40 minutes >Luigi started to
suspect mischief.
CROW (Luigi): Hmmm!.She's been gone 40 minutes when she was only supposed to get ice cream. I
think I'll wait till an hour from now for her to show up.

>What's taking Peach so long!? Luigi complained to Mario.
>- Yeah that's odd she was only supposed to buy us some ice cream. Toad added.
MIKE: After he added Toad also subtracted, multiplied, and amazed the crowd with some long division.
>- Mario you go and look for her! Luigi commanded Mario.
>- Noo! Mario replied.
>- Yes you will... Luigi said.
>- What will happen if I don't. Mario replied.
>- Then I will tell Peach that you always sleeps with your plumbing cap and plumbing gear on!
TOM: Learning a bit too much about Mario.
CROW: Shouldn't Peach already know what Mario sleeps in?
MIKE: Crow!!!!!!
>No don't tell her! Mario pleaded Luigi.
>Luigi made signs to Mario to go search for Peach.
MIKE (Mario): I'm not deaf Luigi; you can just talk to me. Plus you're not fairing to well at
this signing thing. You just told me to grab a cup of gophers.

>After a few minutes Mario returned and while trying to catch his breath he explained for the
>surprised Luigi and Toad how he had found a note from Bowser reading:
>Greatings, Mario! I have Peach and you won't find my hidden castle here nearby the Yoshi >Island!
CROW: Well, it's not that hidden since you just told them where it was.
> By the way, you won't get any help from your Yoshi friends this time!
>- Does the freaking Bowser never give up! Luigi complained.
>No vaining, let go kick some Koopa but! Mario tried to cheer Luigi up.
TOM: No vaining?
MIKE; The author either, A: Meant that Luigi was being vain, B: Thought that "vaining" was a
synonym for complaining, C: Made a terrible spelling error, or D: Couldn't think of a word to fill
in the blank and just made one up.
ALL: D!!!!

>Mario and Luigi began their long yourney but it didn't take long until they found a >unnatural
large egg lying on the ground. The egg looked didnt looked natural almost like it >was made by
magic!
CROW: Yourney? Didnat? I think the Mushroom Kingdom is in Scandinavia
> Mario took up his wrench and knocked a hole in the egg.
>- Yoshi! A green dinosaur head poped up from the hole in the egg!
TOM (Yoshi): Thanks for bashing my head in with your wrench.

>- Hello Yoshi, old pal. Mario began.
>- You can't imagine how happy we are to see you. Luigi continued.
>- Mario and Luigi you must help my friends. Bowser has imprisoned all of my friends in eggs >like
mine and now Bowser's kids are guarding the eggs in their fortresses!
MIKE: Didn't Bowser learn his lesson the last time? Kids aren't a good defense!
> He also have Peach!
>- We know. Mario answered.
CROW (Mario): We're stuck in the same bad fanfic.

>The three brave heroes began their journey and soon they found a high high hill that seamed to >go
up in the clouds. After a lot of climbing they reached the top where they found a big >yellow "dome"
with a big "P" carved into the side of it. Inside they found a big "button" that >looked just like
the dome which they had entered. Mario jump on the button which started too >glow.
TOM: Unfortunately, the glow was because the button was radioactive and Mario was turned into a
mutated human being.
> It started emitting thousands of small yellow blocks with a "P":s carved into them. The >blocks
flew of and started spreading out around the worlds surrounding the Yoshi Island. Later >they
noticed how these yellow blocks appeared during their journey making many of the passages >and jumps
easier for the 3 heroes.
MIKE: So I guess that after Peach was stolen Toad just disappeared.
CROW: He's the male Daisy.

>After this discovery it didn't take long until they reached Iggy in his castle. Yoshi was too
>afraid to enter the castle so the two plumbers had defeate Iggy without his help. After almost
>being crushed by gigantic traps, fried alive in hot lava and bitten by angry
TOM: readers.
>Koopas Mario and Luigi finally met Iggy on a very instable platform in the middle of a big >lava
ocean.
>Ha ha! I'm too strong for ya! You'll never defeate me! the twisted Iggy screamed.
>- Don't count on it! Mario said as he prepared to stomp on Iggy's head.
>- No no, that won't work. Iggy said.
MIKE: That's the help that most bad guys don't give you.
>Mario jumped and hit Iggy in the head but Iggy only fell to the ground for a few seconds.
>- I didn't even feel that! Iggy derided Mario.
>Iggy pulled a lever and the platform which they stood on rotated and the ground turned into a >35
degree slope!
>- Don't fall down! Iggy laughed!
>- I have an idea. Luigi whispered too Mario.
>- Luigi took a big leap and stomped Iggy in the head.
>Noo!!!!!! Iggy fell and tumbled down the slope and down into the hot lava ocean.
>- The plumber emerges victorious! Luig and Mario screamed after Iggy!
CROW: Now where did this Luig person come from.
>- You'll never defeate my father! Iggy screamed after the plumbers as he climbed up on a rock
nearby.

MIKE: The author said the word Iggy 12 times in that last paragraph.
TOM: We should buy him the book; "How to Use Pronouns."

>Mario and Luigi rescued the first Yoshi egg and sent Yoshi to returned it to Yoshi's house. >After
that, they continued over the brige separating the Yoshi Island from the mainland and >the Donut
Plains.
TOM (Homer Simpson): Mmmmm!!Donuts.
> Here they encountered many new creatures like the Super Koopa Troopas who could fly using a
>special cape which they had been given by Bowser. Mario and Luigi learned that some of the >Super
Koopas left their capes when defeated. The plumber could then use them to fly high up in >the air
and this way find new unexplored areas. After some minor adventures
CROW: which we once again won't tell you about.
> they reached a big spooky house. They could hear haunted souls screaming from within....
>I-i-i-i'm N-NOT going in there! Luigi and Yoshi said in chorus.
MIKE (Chorus Teacher): Luigi and Yoshi! You're sounding a little flat.

>Come on! Mario tried to convince them.
>Okey then I have to force you... Mario said as he took Luigi and Yoshi and their arms and >started
to dragg them to the door. Yoshi got away but Mario managed to drag Luigi into the >house. DONK!
ALL: (Laugh loudly).
> The door closed behind them...
>- Welcome to my Ghost House. The voice of Bowser echoed around in the house. Here you'll find >the
haunted souls of all the enemies that you have killed during your adventures. Let's se how >you
handle them now when they are undead!
>Mario and Luigi began walking through the dark room. It felt almost like they were being >watched
by someone or something! 3 small white ghosts appeared in the darkness behind the >plumbers back
without their notice.
>- We want your soouuullssss Mario and Luigi! An eeiry voice said as the ghosts approached >them.
TOM (Ghosts): We also want your Raammmaannnn Noodles.

>- Did you say something. Luigi said anxiously to Mario.
>- No-o-o! Mario answered.
>- Luigi look behind you! Mario screamed as the ghosts came floating towards them.
>- When the ghosts saw Mario and Luigi's faces they stopped and hided their eyes almost as they
>were shy of the plumbers.
CROW: They wanted the plumbers' autograph for their book: America's Dumbest Heroes.

>- Run! Mario screamed.
>Mario and Luigi ran for the shot powerful magical blasts after all intruders! However a single
>stomp in the head was enough to put them out of battle.
MIKE: Ah! There's the good old incomprehensibility I've come to know and hate.
>Later on, hot lava and undead Koopa Troopas awaited the plumbers. When they now stood looking >up
on the door leading the Lemmy's room they had sensed that the worst was over and they were >right!
When they entered Lemmy's room all the saw was truckloads of pipes and two lavaballs >bouncing
around in the room. Lemmy appeared from nearest door but new ghosts appeared in >their way!
>- Your sooouuullsss... We want them! The voice was stronger this time.
TOM: In fact, the voice was so strong, it lifted a piano over its head.
>These ghosts also stopped but the 3 ghosts that they had left behind came after them. Then >Luigi
got an idea:
CROW (Luigi): Norman Bates was the killer in "Psycho."

>- Mario stay put where you are and look at the ghosts in front of us!
TOM (Luigi): That way the ghosts behind us can swallow us whole.

>Luigi turned around and started stare at the other ghosts.
>- Just keep staring at them! he screamed to Mario.
>- Ahhh! Now I see they blush when looked at. They are shy! Mario announced.
>- This is what we'll do. he continued.
TOM: Didn't they figure this out three chapters ago.

>- We slowly walks in the direction of the door while we at all time tries to keep the ghosts >calm.

>Just as they had closed the door they heard that eery voice again.
>- Surrender and give us your souls! It said this time closer than ever.
>Suddenly 2 big scary looking eyes appeared above their heads and out of the shadows a 20 feet >high
ghost appeared together with 2 smaller ghosts!
>- Don't worry, just look them deep in their eye's and
MIKE: and tell him you love him.
> he won't do you anything. Mario said to Luigi.
>- You fools that won't do any good! The huge ghost laughed as he dived down after Luigi who >dodged
his attack.
>Mario noticed how strange the floor was.
CROW: Is inspecting the interior decorating the best thing to do while being attacked by a 20-foot
ghost?
> It seamed to be built of many blue semitransparent blocks of some kind. He tried to pull one >of
the blocks up while screaming to Luigi to keep the other ghosts bussy.
>- I'll try but I don't think I can avoid them forever! Luigi screamed back.
>- Aaaghhhh! Luigi screamed when one of the smaller ghost bit him in his arm.
MIKE: Small monsters seem to like to bite Luigi in the arm.

>Now Mario had pulled up a block and threw it at the big ghost. The block hit the ghost and >seamed
to disolve into smaller particles which then attacked the ghost. The small parts of the >block
circulated around the ghost and they saw pain in his eyes.
>In the confusion Luigi managed to pick up another block and threw it at the ghost. The block
>disolved just like the other and started to attack the ghost.
CROW: So the block attacked the ghost after it dissolved.

>- Third time lucky! Mario screamed as he threw yet another block after the now very weakened
>ghost.
>- It's impossible! The ghost screamed in pain as it perished in to the darkness and the other
>ghosts disapeared to. A new door opened and from it bright light flourished, they had found an
>exit!
CROW: Hopefully, it's an exit from this fanfic.

>They continued on
CROW: Darn!
> and found Morton Jr. in his castle.
TOM: Didn't Lemmy come through a door at some point.
> When they entered his room they was met by Morton, comming in full speed right at them! Mario >and
Luigi jumped aside and Morton continued running towards one of the walls of the room. >Using his
sharp claws he climbed up the wall and continued across the "handles-furnished" >celing.
MIKE: I thought of another grammar pamphlet for this author. The pamphlet "Where To Place
Quotation Marks."
> When he was hanging above them he losed his grip and fell down with his spike furnished shell
>facing down trying to crush them, but once again the plumbers lightning fast relexes saved >them
from being caught between Mortons spikes and the floor!
CROW: When did another Morton pop up?
TOM: I think the author just forgot an apostrophe.
CROW: I guess I've gotten numb to it.
> Morton began heading for the wall again...
>Not so fast! Mario said and run after him. He stomped Morton's head making hime dizzy for a >moment
enabling Luigi to take aim and stomp in his head to. While Morton laid there on the >floor
MIKE: Not a word Crow.
>Mario took up his trusty old spanner and approached Morton.
>- Do you give up now or do I have to use my old "Betsy" to persuade you....! He threatened the
>defeated Morton.
TOM: with a ham sandwich. It didn't work out too well.

>- No! No! Don't hurt me again! he vained. Here's the switch to enter the Vanilla Dome.
>Morton give Mario a radio conrolled sender.
>- Just press the button to open up the gate leading to the Dome and here's the Yoshi egg! Now
please go.
>Mario and Luigi traversed through the Vanilla Dome
MIKE: Mario and Luigi didn't open up the Yoshi Egg letting the Yoshi inside suffocate to death.
> where they, hidden in an cave found the Red Switch Palace and later also Lemmy's castle.
>Unfortunate for the plumbers his castle was guarded by many of Kameks buddys, the Magi Koopas!
CROW: But earlier on in the story they were MagiKoopas.
TOM: Apparently, these Koopas bring gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh.
These lethal enemies could appear and disappear whereever they wanted in the castle andone >from the
pipes and screamed after them.
>- Let's see if you can find me before you becomes fried alive!
>Lemmy and two fake Lemmys came up and down from the different pipes of the room and all Mario >and
Luigi had to do was
MIKE: Write a 500-word essay on bananas.
>to stomp in the real Lemmy's head and avoid the bouncing lavaballs. Since the lavaballs >bounced
around in such predictable patterns it wasn't that hard!

>The Mario Brothers - Chapter 6

MIKE: That's an odd chapter placement.
>Having beaten Lemmy in his castle Mario and Luigi jumped into a warp pipe and found them >selves at
the foundation of a big long bridge.
>"Cheese Bridge - I wouldn't use it if I were you..." the sign read.
TOM: Cheese is an underrated building material.
CROW: I wonder how long it takes before the cheese stinks up the area.

>With his usual self-confidence Mario happily rushed out on the bridge.
>- There's nothing dangerous out here as far as i can see. Mario screamed back at Luigi.
>-Well I don't know the sign said that.... Luig started.
>- No come on! Mario screamed back.
>- Okay but I bet my best adjustable spanner that there is something spooky with this place.
ALL: (Laugh.)
MIKE: That line was what made Luigi the geek of the two.

>Luigi ran out to Mario and as they stood on the middle of the bridge they heard a strange >sound
echoing through the walley beneath.
>- What is that? Mario asked.
>- I don't know it reminds me of something Luigi said as he placed his hear against the bridge >to
hear better.
>- It reminds me of something... Almost like a chainsaw sawing through thick wood
TOM (Luigi): Or thick cheese. I always get the two mixed up.
>... Or what do you think.... Luigi started
>- Mario! Mario, what do you think I said! Luigi continued rather anoyed over his brothers
>ignorance.
>He felt Mario's hand pulling his arm and he looked up. At the far end of the bridge multiple
>chainsaw on rails came towards them.
>Steam puffing from the exhaust pipes on the side of the chainsaws as the they got closer. Now >they
were only 500 feet away and they weren't slowing down.
CROW: Mario and Luigi just stood there blankly staring at their upcoming doom.
>Mario looked around in hope to find an escape route.
MIKE: Like the other side of the bridge perhaps.
>Below the bridge was a wild rushing river surrounded by rocks and stones. A couple of meters >away
another bridge hung, but the gap was far to wide for any of them to jump. The situation >seamed
hopeless and the two brave plumbers closed their eyes and took eachothers hands and >prepared to met
their creator. Just when they thought that they was doomed they felt >something long sticky
TOM: Ewwwww! I do not want to know what that thing was.
> around them and they flew trough the air and landed on the ground somewhere.
>- Are we dead now? Luigi said still with his eyes shut.
>- I don't think so... Mario said.
>- Yoshi! A familiar voice said.
>-Is Yoshi also dead. Luigi wondered.
MIKE: Luigi then wondered if question marks were also dead.

>- No! Open your eyes Luigi. Mario said.
>Luigi slowly opened his eyes and than he saw they all three Mario, Yoshi and himself sat on
>another bridge not dar away from the one that they ahd been on before.
>Yoshi must have saved them in the last minute with his long tongue!
CROW: Couldn't they just ask Yoshi what happened?


>Riding on Yoshi's back it didn't take to long until they reached the Forest of Illusions. In t>his
mythological forest many people has got lost, the forest is so deep and big that it's >almost
impossible to orientate there. Apart from that the forest is now also crawling with >Bowser's
monsters..

>The two plumbers and their faithful Yoshi friend began walking into the deep forest. After a >while
they reached an open spot in the woods were a pack of Goombas had gathered. Despite of >Mario and
Yoshi's loud objections Luigi
TOM: made them watch every single Pauly Shore movie.
MIKE & CROW: (Scream.)
> tried to sneak near the Goombas to see what they were doing. Unfortunately Luigi fell and >both
him and the others were spotted by the Goombas.
MIKE: Luigi! The clumsiest man alive.

>After an exhausting chase through the surroundings they had finally got rid of the Goombas.
CROW: Is it really necessary to run away from the easiest Mario enemy?
> On the other hand they had lost all sense of where they should go and since all the trees of >the
forrest were so high and has such wide and thick tree tops it was impossible to >orientate...
>They walked for hours without knowing where they were heading, until Mario got an idea.
>On numerous occasions they had seen Lakitus patrolling the forest.
TOM: None of them had bothered to attack the Mario brothers though.
>If they could steal one the Lakitu's magical clouds they could fly out of the forrest.
TOM: Or they could just walk in a straight line until they get out of the forest, but do the more
complicated plan instead.

>- But how do we get hold of a Lakitu's cloud? Luigi asked rather annoyed over his brothers >rather
stupid idea.
>- The Lakitus are flying high up in the air! Luigi continued.

>Soon Luigi regreted his attack on Mario when Mario quickly suggested that he would play dead >so
that one of the Lakitus would descend to the ground to pick him up and take him to Bowser. >When the
Lakitu was in reach Mario would jump forward and whack the Lakitu in the head and >then they could
steal his magic cloud.
CROW: And I guess none of the other Lakitus will bother to do anything when they see Mario riding a
cloud.

>- But what if it starts to throw these spiny hard shelled things after me? Luigi aksed rather
>nervous.
>That's the chance we have to take...
MIKE (Mario): Or rather the chance you need to take.
> Mario replied quickly and before Luigi had time to protest Mario started to make up plans for >his
idea.
>They found a nice glade where Luigi laid down to act as a decoy
CROW: Oh, of course Luigi is the decoy.
> and Mario and yoshi hid in some bushes not far away from Luigi. It didn't take long until a
>Lakitu spotted Luigi. The Lakitu slowly descented from the sky to examine Luigi when Mario >sneaked
up him to club him down with his adjustable spanner. Too late the Lakitu diescovered >Mario coming
from behind and he was clubbed unconsious.0
TOM: What the hell is the meaning of that 0?!

>All three jumped onto the cloud and the cloud slowly began to rise. From the cloud they could >now
see the whole Yoshis Island apearing on all sides of them. They ordered the cloud to put >them down
the end of the forest, just before the bridge leading to the Choco Island.



MIKE: Is that it?
TOM: Umm. . . Hello! Mr. Author person! Care to give us a "The End", or any kind of closing at
all.
CROW: Let's leave.
(M&TB leave the theater.)
(Door Sequence)
(AOL: It appears that M&TB's apartment has been set up to resemble a talk show set. When we enter
from the door sequence, the words; The Tom Servo Show, flash across the screen. At the bottom of
the screen is a caption that reads "Feuding Brothers". There is a row of chairs set up opposite
to the mock stage, but the only occupants are Mike and Crow. Tom Servo has a microphone attached to
his hand and is standing in front of the stage where the two brothers sit. Both are dressed in
overalls; one green, one red.)
TOM: Hello everyone, and welcome to the Tom Servo Show.
MIKE (chanting): Servo, Servo, Servo,
TOM (interrupting): Not yet, Mike. (To audience.) Today we are going to discuss the case of two
brothers. First let's talk with Luigi. (Turning to Luigi.) How are you doing today?
LUIGI (gesturing to Mario): I'd be doing a lot better if he wasn't here.
TOM: Why is that?
LUIGI: He's always taking the spotlight. Even if I save Peach, she still says "Thank you
Mario."
MARIO: That's because she's an idiot. If a rutabaga saved her, she'd still say, "Thank you
Mario." I still like her, even though she's an idiot.
TOM: Well Mario, I think your brother has a little secret for you.
MIKE (chanting): Servo, Ser. . .
TOM (angry): Not yet! (To Luigi) Anyway, why don't you tell us your secret?
LUIGI (To Mario): For the past month, I've been dating Peach.
MARIO (Infuriated): YOU'VE BEEN WHAT!!!!!!! (Attacks Luigi, and they start a fight.)
TOM (To Mike): Go ahead.
MIKE: What?
TOM: Ahem
MIKE: I'm not getting you.
TOM (Sighs): The chant.
MIKE: Oh, okay. (Starts chanting.) Servo, Servo, Servo, Servo.
(The fight eventually ends and Mario and Luigi regain their seats.)
TOM: Now, let's bring out Peach. (Peach enters from backstage carrying two bouquets of flowers.)
MIKE: BOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
PEACH (Angry): Ya don't know me! Ya don't know me! (Gives a bouquet to Mario.) Thank you Mario.
(Gives a bouquet to Luigi.) Thank you Mario.
LUIGI (Angry): No you idiot! It's Luigi! Luigi! Luigi! LUIGI! CAN YOU GET THAT THROUGH YOUR THICK
SKULL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PEACH (Nonchalant): You silly Mario. (Luigi explodes at this and there is much coughing and smoke.)
TOM: Hello Peach.
PEACH: Hi Tom.
MIKE: BOOOOOOOOO!
PEACH: It's all good. Ya know you want it. Shut up!
TOM: Now, Peach, how would you react to people who say thing like: Gee, that Peach sure must be
stupid. I mean she's been captured a gajillion times.
PEACH: I'd bash their heads in. Next question.
TOM: How would you react if I said that Zelda is a far better game series? (At this question, Peach
and Mario attack Servo. We cut to commercial with the sounds of Tom being mauled and Mike going,
Servo, Servo, Servo.)
(Planet Bumper)
(commercials)


(M&TB enter the theater)
TOM: Man, those Nintendo characters are mean.
>The Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom

TOM: Oh man.


>Once in a lovely place called Mushroom Kingdom lived a pretty princess named Peach Toadstool. >She
went into pictures for big adventures with her friends Yoshi, Mario, Luigi, Toad and more >friends
while Bowser the mean dragon wanted to capture the princess. Then, 2 days later, >Bowser has taken
the princess and has taken over all the pictures and put enemies in the >pictures and taken the rest
of them prisoner except Mario. It was all up to Mario to save >them. He went in pictures and risked
his life. 4 days later he battled Bowser and won, then >all of them were free and it was back to
normal and they lived very happy for ever.
>The End!
MIKE: That's it?
TOM: Well that was certainly bizarre.

>((Mario + Luigi) + StarFox)=????
CROW: I don't know what it equals. You're the author.
>Bad stuff was going on at Peach's castle.
TOM: Lucy had started another one of her crazy shenanigans.
>Mario, Luigi, Peach, Toad, and Yoshi are all at war against Bowser, Wario, Wart, and their
>troop's.
>Mean while in the Lylat System, The StarFox Team was also at war with Andross. When Bowser >heard
what was going on with Andross, it wasn't long before Bowser and Andross joined forces.
MIKE: So Andross gives up fighting his archrivals to go help some guy he barely knows.
> With Andross now at his side, Bowser had Mario, Luigi, Toad, and Yoshi backed in a corner and
>Peach in his clutches. They were about to give in, but a giant white ship appeared from the >sky
and stopped over Peach's castle. About a minute later, 4 smaller Plane-like ships came out >of what
looked like a docking bay
CROW: Bowser and Andross had not yet reacted.
> and started shooting Bowser and Andross in the head as Mario, Luigi, Toad, and Yoshi looked >in
surprise. About 30 minutes later, Peach escaped from Bowser and he was forced to retreat >telling
everyone that he'd be back. "Who are those guy's?" asked Luigi.
> The 4 ships landed. "I think were about to find out." said Mario.
> 4 animal like things climbed out of the ships and approached the 5. They nearly jumped out >of
their underpants when they heard one say "Hi."
TOM: So these people live in a land where dinosaurs, mushrooms, toadstools, lizards, dragons, and
turtles talk, but they are freaked out when an animal talks.

> "Don't be afraid." said another. "We're on your side!" one walked up and introduced >himself.
MIKE (Sarcastic Mario): We were so worried you might be on the bad guys' side when you attacked
them.

> "My name is Fox McCloud, Leader of the StarFox team." He continued. "This is Peppy Hare, >Slippy
toad, and Falco Lombardi."
> "Hi." Mario said. "My name is Mar-."
> "We know who you are." said Fox.
> "Really?" said Luigi.
> "Yeah." said Falco. "We played your video games."
CROW: Has the author even heard of the fourth wall?

> Before they could say anything else Bowser and Andross were back.
> "Here." said Fox, handing Mario a metal case, "Use these and you can help us fight them." >So
they all battled for several hours before sending Bowser back to his castle and Andross >back to his
homeworld.
TOM: That sentence had all the action of a Ratliff battle scene.
> Mario, Luigi, Peach, Toad and Yoshi thanked the StarFox team and they went back to their
>homeworld. Mario announced that he was going to get back to what was important. Pizza!
>The End
ALL: Thank God!

>Larry and his Plants, Parts 1 and 2

>Larry was bored. He'd been waiting for Clawdia's answer. Suddenly, the door opened!
>Clawdia: Kids, I've decided that we CAN go on the trip!
>Everybody was happy except for two of them.
>Wendy: We won't lose all our money?
>Clawdia: No, Koopa took the days off.
ALL: Huh!
CROW: Did we miss something?
MIKE: Be quiet or Pearl will make us read it.

>The other one was Larry.
>Larry: What about my plants? They can't get water by themselves.
>Clawdia: Someone could do it for you.
>Larry: Koopa the Quick- oh, Koopa the Quick!
>Koopa the Quick: Yes, Larry?
>Larry: Would you be so kind as to water my plants while I'm gone?
TOM: (Koopa The Quick): No!

>KTQ: Yes sir!
CROW: Keisha Types Q-Tips?

>Larry: Thank you!
>The next day...
>Larry: Yawn... OH, YEAH! Today's the day of the trip!"
>Larry got dressed and hurried downstairs.
MIKE: Could the author take a few minutes out of his precious time to tell us where exactly the
Koopas are going on this trip?!
> He watered his plants and hurried to KTQ's room. He left a note on the door.
>Note: Dear KTQ, Do not forget to water my plants when I'm gone!
> Sincerely,
> Larry
CROW: Unfortunately, Larry left the note directly on the door and was fined for vandalism.

>Larry left. He saw everybody was up already.
>In the meantime, KTQ got up. He read the note.
>KTQ: Oh yeah, I will have to water Larry's plants!
MIKE: Karl The Quagga?
>Anyway, the Koopas went off to the beach. Then they'd go to the hotel to check in. That was it for
the first day.
>Larry: Oh, darn! I forgot my King Koopa beanie baby! King Dad, can I go back in and get my >King
Koopa beanie baby?
>Koopa: Of course.
TOM (Koopa): Of course we'll drive the six hours back the castle just to get your beanie baby.

>Back in the castle...
>KTQ: Hey, Hammer Brother! [at this moment, Larry appears.] [he starts whispering] I'm not >gonna
water Larry's plants!
MIKE (Sarcastic Hammer Brother): Thank you so much for that juicy gossip.

>Larry: WHAT?! Oh, I'm gonna tell King Dad! [he does so.]
>Koopa: Koopa The Quick, you must be punished! You are sentenced to the middle dungeon 'til we get
home.
>KTQ: WHAT?! Oh, fine.
TOM: Kanga Tries Quiet?

>Koopa: Hammer Bro, you can water Larry's plants while we're gone instead.
>Hammer Brother: Yes, sir!
>The next day, Hammer Brother got up. However, something bad happened.
>Magikoopa: I'll cast a spell to make Hammer Bro. forget about Larry's plants!
CROW: Why does everybody have an obsession with making sure Larry's plants don't get watered?!
> [he does so]
>The rest of the week was fairly uneventful, except that all week there was a grin on >Magikoopa's
face. So we rejoin the koopas when they get home.
>Larry: Finally I get to eat one of my OWN apples, and eat my OWN pears,and...
TOM (Larry): And eat my OWN viper heads

>Wendy: You sound like Morton!
>Larry: Oh, sorry. [he goes into his greenhouse and notices that the plants are dead]
>Morton: Look! Your once great, ultimate, super, KoopaTACular plants are now old, wilted, and >dead!

CROW: Am I supposed to be caring now Mike?

>Larry: My plants! MY PLANTS! I spent a year on them! [notices Hammer Brother] Oh, I'm gonna >tell
king dad on you for not watering my plants!
>Hammer Brother: ME?! I wasn't supposed to! [Koopa comes in]
>Koopa: WHAT?! Your plants haven't been watered? Why... Hammer Brother, you must go to THAT >dungeon
for a WEEK!
MIKE: Which dungeon?!
TOM: Ya know, Mike. THAT dungeon.
MIKE (Mock surprise): Oh my god! I knew that Hammer Brother had been irresponsible, but to make him
go through THAT is to much to bear,
CROW: I think you guys made your point.

>Larry is trying to water his plants, but it didn't work. Larry thought... and thought... and >all
the while, he was very sad! Suddenly...
>Larry: I'VE GOT IT! Wendy, you still have that time machine, don't you?
>Wendy: Yeah, but...
CROW (Wendy): it kills whoever uses it, but you can use it anyway.

>Larry: Give me it! I'll give it back in a split second!
>Wendy: Here!
>Larry goes to the time Magikoopa hypnotized Hammer Brother.
TOM: I imagine that Larry would have a hard time doing that, since he never knew it happened!!!
> He hit Magikoopa on the head.
>Larry: Off to the dungeon with you!
>Magikoopa: WHAT? What are YOU doing here?
>Larry sentenced Magikoopa to the dungeon. He returns.
>Larry: My plants! ALL OF MY PLANTS ARE BACK! Thank you, Wendy!
MIKE (Wendy): I would if you stop screaming in my ear.

>Wendy: What did you do?
>Larry: I saw that Magikoopa hypnotized Hammer Brother. I locked him in the dungeon! Go ahead,
>check! Wendy [and the rest] do so. They see Magikoopa!
>Magikoopa: YOU ROTTON KOOPA BRATS! How DARE you lock me up here with Hammer Brother! LET ME >OUT!
>Larry: Oh, I can let HAMMER BROTHER out, but not you! (he does so)
>Hammer Brother: Please, forgive me!
>Koopa: Yes sir! It's MAGIKOOPA we need locked up!

TOM: So the punishment for making sure plants don't get watered is life imprisonment.
>The End
>The Arrival and The Wedding
>The Koopas were all visiting Nimbus Land (Bowser wanted to see the statue of himself).
> Meanwhile, in Hyrule,
CROW: Woah! Sudden scene change
> there was a meeting of five Koopalings (yes, Koopalings, not Koopa Cousins) who were best
>friends: a hero, Link, his girlfriend, Saria,
MIKE: Um!Hello. Mr. Author, I think you're going to cause there to be a major comma shortage
> the princess of Hyrule, Zelda, a snob, Ruto, a farmer's daughter, Malon, and a thief, >Naburoo.
Ruto was wearing a necklace with a sapphire for a pendant. Link had an emerald in his >pouch.
TOM: Apparently, the other characters aren't important enough to get a physical description.

> All of a sudden they appeared in the throne room of the Koopa's Dark Land castle.
CROW: Unfortunately, where they appeared was directly on top of the royal scepters.
MIKE: Ouch!
> This activated the castle's security system (it goes off when an unknown magic is used to >enter
the castle, willingly or not). All of the Koopas transported there and surrounded the
>"intruders".
> While the others distracted the Koopas by begging for mercy, Naburoo snuck up behind the >Koopas
and stole their wands, which
MIKE: sent off beams of electricity, killing whoever touched them.
> were hanging at their waists. She tapped Bowser on the shoulder. He turned around. Then the
>others did. Naburoo said, "If you want your wands back, hear us out."
> Bowser grumbled, "Fine."
> All of the Koopas from Hyrule said, "How dare you talk to your own kids like that!"
TOM: You know, if someone broke into my castle, I'd be pretty p#&%ed off too.
CROW: Plus, grumbling "fine" really isn't rude.

> Bowser scoffed, "You're not my kids."
> Naburoo sneered, "Oh yeah? Behold!"
CROW (Naburoo): Behold! A spoon!



> Just then a one minute movie proving they were Bowser's kids appeared.
> Bowser stomped, "That's a lie!"
MIKE: I imagine that it's kind of hard to stomp a word.

> Ludwig explained, "Actually, she is telling the truth. The magic she used to do that can >only
be used by a Hyrulian sage. She guards the spirit temple. Hyrulian sages can't lie; >therefore she
is telling the truth."
TOM: Even if Naburoo is telling the truth, the movie could be lying.

> Bowser sighed, "Fine, I believe you."
> "Here are your wands." Naburoo had given everyone back their wands.
> "What are your names and ages?"
CROW (Bowser): I want to make sure that all the women are over 18.
MIKE: CROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

> Naburoo told him.
> Saria didn't have an orb on her wand so Link took the orb off of his wand and gave it to >Saria,
and placed his emerald (the Kokiri Emerald to be exact) on his wand saying, "Saria, you >can use my
orb. I'll use the Kokiri Emerald."
MIKE (Saria): I kind of figured that out when you switched them. I'm not blind.

> Ruto complained, "What about me?"
> Link suggested, "You have Zora's Sapphire; why don't you use that?"
> Ruto said that was okay and attached Zora's Sapphire to her wand. Then she blasted Link >with
a minor blast.
> Bowser gave them each a horse, a pet, the power to choose when to go to school, lots of
>responsibility, a pony,
TOM (Laughs): A pony! They're not 12-year-old girls.
CROW: Plus Naburoo's an adult, so she doesn't need to go to school.
> an allowance, and the title King or Queen. He then asked, "What lands do you want?"
> Link answered, "Cyber Land!"
> Saria replied, "Forest Land!"
> Ruto requested, "Sea Land!"
> Naburoo demanded, "Thief Land!"
> Malon shouted, "Farm Land!"
> Zelda exclaimed, "Royal Land!"
MIKE: Looks like the author got himself a Thesaurus.

> Bowser gave them their lands and told them what they had to do with it (meetings, etc.)
TOM: They need to have a meeting with their land?
CROW: Now, Mrs. Forest Land, I'm going to go over a few thing with y. . . Are you listening to
me?! This is a very important meeting. We need to go ov!
MIKE (Interrupting): That's enough Crow.
>Months have passed since the coming of the Koopas from Hyrule. Link, Lemmy, and Larry got
>permission to dig in the Underground Land mines for diamonds and gold from Susan B. Koopa >(Larry
promised to go out on a date with her if she did).
MIKE: The less said about that, the better.
>Later that night, Saria and Link were in Link's apartment, Lemmy and Wendy O. were in Lemmy's
>apartment, and Larry and Susan B. were in Larry's apartment. Lemmy, Larry, and Link all asked, >at
the same time,
TOM (Link/Larry/Lemmy): Can you cook some bratwurst tonight?
>"Will you marry me?" They were each holding out a wedding ring made of gold and diamonds >(guess
where they got the diamonds [hint:it wasn't at the jewellery store])
CROW: Since they didn't get them at the "jewellery" store, they could have gotten them at the
jewelry store.
> Saria, Wendy O., and Susan B. answered,
TOM( Saria/Wendy/Susan): Of course not.
> "Of course I will"
> That night at dinner they announced they were getting married.
> On Larrium the first, Link and Saria got married. They invited Princess Ruto
MIKE: Oooh, Ruto is the last person Link wants to invite to his wedding.
TOM: She'd probably torch Saria with a flamethrower.
> (she is the Princess of the Zoras), Link,
CROW: Considering it's his wedding, I should hope Link would get invited.
> Saria's sister, and the water sage ,Impa
TOM: Actually, Impa is the Shadow sage.
> (she is Zelda's nurse maid, and is also the shadow sage)
MIKE: But the author just said she was the water sage.
>, Nabooru (she is the spirit sage), King Darunia (king of the Gorons and the fire sage), the >son
of Darunia, (reader insert your name; he was named after you),
CROW: That would be a really weird name if the reader were named Horatio Hornblower
>. King Zora (king of the Zoras, he raised Ruto before she came to Plit), Navi (Link's guardian
>fairy {every Kokiri has one [Link and Saria's Dark World forms are both Kokiris]}),
TOM (makes whistle sound): 4 yards, overuse of parenthesis.
> Talon (he raised Malon until she went to Plit), Malon, Bowser, Clawdia, the rest of their
>siblings, and Susan B.
CROW: Anthony?

> Zelda gave them each a new Ocarina. Impa gave them the Shadow Medallion. Malon gave them a >cow.
Talon gave them each a horse. Ruto gave them the Water Medallion. Nabooru gave them the >Spirit
Medallion. King Darunia gave them the Fire Medallion. The son of Darunia, (insert your >name again),
TOM: Hot Chocolate.
(MIKE and CROW back away from Tom.)
> gave them each a Goron tunic (it makes people fire proof). King Zora gave them each a Zora >Tunic
(it allows people to breathe under water). Navi gave them nothing (lazy pixie). Link >gave Saria a
song he wrote called 'Link's Song' to play on her Ocarina.
MIKE: Unfortunately for Saria, "Link's Song" causes epilepsy in those that play it.
> Saria gave Link the Forrest Medallion. Susan B. gave them a rock from Cave City
CROW (Sarcastic): What a generous gift.


> (the capital of Under Ground Land). Every one else gave them varying gifts.
>To Be Continued...
TOM: Please, take your time. I beg you.

>Super Koopa RPG

>*Webmaster's note: I know absolutely nothing about the VR rangers (who appear later in this >story,
God forbid) and so I will not bother spell-checking any of their names (or related >stuff). I also
won't try to work out what on Earth "yeerked" means (you'll know it when you see it). Alright then,
back to reading.
MIKE: This is not a good sign.

>Lemmy is rushing to Smithy's Keep to rescue his family from Smithy. When he gets there, he >runs to
the throne room, jumps on a chandleer,
CROW: Chandleer?!
TOM (Monica Geller): Get off my husband!

> and begins to battle Smithy. He uses his freeze gun to freeze Exor, and then throws his ball >at
Exor. Exor then falls through the roof and everyone is hurled away.
MIKE: Exor! The world's worst villain.

> Lemmy lands in Mario's house. He touches the ghost medal Mario gave him that he is wearing >and
says, "3 Musty Fears: I Summon you!" The medal begins to flash,
TOM: The medal was then arrested for one count of public nudity . . .
> and he knows this means the 3 Musty Fears need him, so Lemmy goes to Monstro Town and slept >there
in a dream in which he finds out that three flags have been stollen and they are at >there previous
locations.
CROW: That gets my vote as the most confusing sentence ever.
> He wakes up and remembers that Mario, Mallow, Geno, Bowser, and Peach were put under a spell
>that made them all willing to tell the location of the flags.
> Lemmy set off to find the three flags.
MIKE: This is the most confusing game of Capture the Flag ever.
> He finds Mario being guarded by Bowser, but Lemmy's surperior eye see's that he is really >only a
goomba, so he stomps him to death. Mario then joins Lemmy and tells him that Mallow is >in Nimbus
Land.
TOM: Wasn't Mario supposed to tell Lemmy something about a flag?
CROW: Well, I thought that stories were supposed to have some sort of plot, but today's fanfics
have wiped me clear of that notion.

> They find Mallow and then go to Yo'ster Isle, where they go through a portal to Dinosaur >Land.
There, they use a star to get to Star Road. At Star Road they see Geno being held >hostage by
Smithy. Lemmy freezes Smithy and wishes himself, Mario, Mallow, and Geno back to >Dinosaur Land, but
they end up at Peach's Castle being held hostage by a Wendy robot.
MIKE: Hey guys, I think that we're actually in hell.
>Lemmy destroys the robot and finds out the locations of the flags.
> They set off to get them, but the place they have been moved to is the dark dimension >where
Culex lives.
> Mario says, "Wait, Lemmy! Do you still have your freeze gun?"
> Lemmy says "Yeah, why?"
> "Does it work on anti-matter?"
> "No, but I can make it work on both matter and anti-matter at the same time."
TOM: Well then, yes it would work on anti-matter.

> "You make it trap fire, wind, water, and ice energy."
> "Right!"
> Lemmy uses his wand to teleport every one to his room.
CROW: Couldn't he just use it to send himself to the dark dimension then?
> He hands Mario a Mario Kart game for the modified 8 player Super Nintendo and says, "You guys
>play this while I modify my freeze gun." He goes into his work room.!
>Hours pass...
MIKE: A shot rings out. A woman screams.

>Lemmy walks out and says "I'm done!"
> Every one tells him they each won a game. He congratulates them and asks, "Mario do you >still
have the shiny stone?"
> "Nope. "
> "Let's go get it."
TOM: For the love of God, just end the story already. No more bizarre scenes!

> Lemmy grabs 500 Koopa coins and teleports everyone to the fireworks place in Moleville. He >buys
the fireworks and trades them for the shiny stone. He then teleports everyone to the >entrance of
the dark dimention and asks, "What's the plan?"
> Mario says "Use your freeze gun on Culex and then trap the crystals when they explode."
CROW: So, their plan is to get something after it is destroyed?
> They go in and follow the plan with everything working perfectly. With things back to normal >they
get the flags.
>Lemmy transports to the fear house in Monstro Town and goes to bed. The ghost medal is
>reactivated. He transports everyone to his room, gets his freeze gun, and summons the 3 Musty
>Fears. He asks if they can find his family, and Big Boo says he can detect Bowser if Bowser >uses
the terrorize spell.
MIKE (Big Boo): We'll be able to get back your father only if he uses one spell. Now our bill
comes to 1,000 Koopa coins.
>The 3 Musty Fears go to search for Lemmy's family.
TOM (Monotone): My heart is in my throat.

>Lemmy teleports everyone to Smithy for the "final" battle. He destroys Smithy with the freeze >gun,
but in one last attempt Smithy blasts the freeze gun, destroying it.
TOM: Nice trick for someone who's frozen.
> On the ground appears the crystals that were trapped plus a black crystal. They each turn >into a
Culex- a fire Culex, a water Culex, an earth Culex, an ice Culex, and a shadow Culex- >and became
the Culex Rangers.
>The V.R. Troopers stand outside a museum on Earth that used to be a castle owned by a King and
>Queen who had 7 kids- 6 sons and 1 daughter (sound familiar?),
CROW: Ummm. . .No.
TOM: So the author can't understand second grade grammar, but they know the genealogy of royal
families.
> when slugs appear. They quickly shout "Trooper Transform we are V.R." (Note: They do this at >the
very same time Lemmy and the others teleport to Smithy's
>Keep; this will be important later in the story.)
> All of the sudden they appear in Smithy's Keep.
MIKE: So, apparently the time when that fact will come in very handy is the next sentence.
>J.B. sees the battle betewn Smithy and Lemmy and says "Ah,
>guys look around! We got 2 monsters fighting (a.k.a Smithy and Lemmy) and we don't have our >armor
on, not to mention that we're in a totally new place!"
CROW: I guess J. B.'s nickname is "Mr. State the Obvious."

> Kareen asks "What do we do?"
> Ryan says "Contact Professor Hert!" He takes out his hand held comunicator that looks like >a
P.K.A. Meter.
TOM: A Partridge Killing Amount Meter?
>The device says "V.R. Troopers! If you are receiving this message then you are in another
>dimension.
CROW (Charlie): Your mission today angels. . .
>You
>can transform for a short time once your virelizer stops flashing. When you are transformed, >your
armor will flash where your virelizer is before you detransform. At the time when your >virelizer
stops flashing, you will be able to transform again. The amount of time betewn >charges depend on
how much power you use.
MIKE: The "Slept there in a dream" sentence is no longer the most confusing thing in this story.
> Please leave your name, number, and a message after the beep{beep}."
>Hours Pass....................
CROW: It took them hours to leave a message?!

>The Culex Rangers appear, and the V.R. Troopers see that there virelizers have stopped >flashing.
They shout "Trooper transfrom we are V.R!"
> They get the red Culex (Fire Culex) and the blue one (Water Culex) to touch each other, >and
they both disappear. Then they get the yellow one (Wind Culex) and the green one (Earth >Culex) to
touch each other, and they both disappear. Geno casts his Geno Blast spell and >Shadow Culex
disappears. Lemmy explains what happened to the V.R Troopers
TOM: Would someone mind explaining it to us, the audience?
>and tells them to get back to Earth. They (as in every one in the room who is alive) have to
>recreate the event that took them to Smithy's Keep.
> They recreate it.
> Now The V.R. Troopers are on Earth and Lemmy and the others are in his room Lemmy has a >long
face on Mario
MIKE (Mario): Stop drawing on me!
>says, "Lemmy, what's wrong? We beat Smithy and the Culex Rangers!"
> Lemmy says, "I know, but we still haven't found my family."
> Just then The 3 Musty Fears appear and say, "Lemmy, we know where your dad is."
> Lemmy smiles ear to ear.
> Lemmy says "Where is he?"
> The Three Musty Fears tell him where he is and Lemmy and the others transport there.
CROW (sighs): The author once again decides to keep all the useful information to himself
> They find a Chargin Chuck holding Bowser Hostage. With his surperior vison, Lemmy sees his >mind
is being controlled and thinks to himself, 'Smithy is dead! How can he be controlled? He >hasn't
even been yeerked!'
TOM: Yeerked!? How many more characters are going to be pulled into this horrible piece of filth?

> Mario takes a feather out of his pocket and puts it on his hat like an Indian and a cape
>appears on Mario. Mario does his spin attack and Chargin Chuck dies.
CROW: Mario! Secret drag queen.

> Lemmy picks up the note and key that Chargin Chuck dropped, frees Bowser from his cage, >and
reads the note. The note lists some special magic words. Lemmy speaks the magic words but >nothing
happens.
> Bowser makes a stone with a hole in the top of it appear. He puts his wand in the hole >until
all that is
>visible is its orb. He instructs, "Stack your right and then your left hands on the orb. Then
MIKE:. . . do the hokey and you turn yourself about.
>at the same say the magic words."
> They do and every one appears next to a Goomba holding Clawdia prisoner. Bowser jumps on >him,
gets the note and key from him, frees Clawdia, and reads the note. It tells them how to >find a
certain Piranha Plant.
> They follow the instructions and appear by a Piranha Plant holding Ludwig hostage. Peach >hits
the Piranha Plant with her frying pan and the plant dies.
TOM (chuckles): A mild rain could kill these Piranha Plants.
> Clawdia gets the note and key, frees Ludwig, and reads the note It tells them how to find a
>certain Muncher.
> They follow the instructions and appear by a Muncher who challenges Lemmy to a one on one any
attack fight to the death. Lemmy accepts the challange and shouts, "Clone up!" His clones appear but
attack Lemmy instead of the Muncher. Lemmy quickly shouts, "Clone down!" The clones disappear and
then Lemmy makes the Muncher want to commit suicide, and the Muncher does.
CROW: Lemmy IS Dr. Kevorkian.

> They do a lot of battling until they find Morton Jr. Lemmy says, "It is too hot!"
> Mallow casts his Snowy spell and says, "Lemmy, stay cold with this while we rescue >Morton!"
> He does so. Once Morton is rescued they continue rescuing the others.
> After rescuing Susan B., they appear in Chill Dog Land. Sonic says, "Mario, I challange >you to
a 1on1 fight to the death! The loser's girlfriend dies too!"
MIKE: I'm guessing that at this point the author was just randomly spinning a wheel to see who
shows up next in the story.

> Mario accepts the challange. During the battle, Peach and Sally talk. Peach says. "Sally, >do
you know why
>they're risking our lives?"
> Sally says, "No, I'll ask Nicole."
TOM: Nicole Kidman?
>She takes out her hand held computer and says, "Nicole, do Sonic and Mario have to risk our
>lives?"
> Nicole says, "Mario, yes. Sonic, no."
> Sally says, "Nicole, call Robo Sonic. Don't worry, Robo Sonic will kill Sonic. I'll only >die if
Mario kills Sonic."
> Tails and Knuckles come over and say, "We couldn't help over hearing, so Sonic's a traitor
>fighter!"
CROW: Since when was Mario an ally of Sonic?
MIKE: When the author's brain collapsed.
CROW: Oh! That makes sense.

> Robo Sonic flies down and he and Sonic battle. Robo Sonic strangles Sonic
TOM: A fanfic that the whole family can enjoy.
>and Sonic presses the self destruct button on Robo Sonic. Robo Sonic explodes and Sonic dies >from
lack of air.
CROW: Well, that and the fact that he was against something that exploded.
>Sally allies with Peach, Knuckles allies with Susan B., and Tails allies with Roy.
>Epilogue:

ALL: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>Lemmy noticed someone who look somewhat like a Koopa and somewhat like a Korkie. The figure >walks
out of the glowing circle he is in.
> Lemmy says, "Who are you?"
> The figure walks back into the circle and then the figure and the circle disappears.
MIKE: This scene brought to you by the Superfluous Foundation. Bringing you pointless, boring
scenes for 5 years.

> Lemmy transfers everybody to Nintendo Headquarters. The N.V.G.C.S.A.C, the Nintendo Video
>Game, Creature, and System Approval Council decides to make Sally, Tails, and Knuckles >Nintendo
video game characters. They each are given a transfer sheet. Sally's reads:
TOM: I Know What You Did Last Summer.

>Name: Princess Sally
>Video games in: None
>TV shows in: Sonic the Hedgehog
>Occupation: None
>Occupation you want: Side-Kick of Princess Peach Toadstool
>Company from: Sega
>Company to: Nintendo
CROW: Isn't saying Company to: in that card, kind of obvious.

>Tails' reads:
MIKE: "Call me Ishmael."

>Name: Miles (Tails) Fox
>Video games in: Sonic 2, 3, and Sonic 3D
>TV shows in: Sonic the Hedgehog and Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog
>Occupation: side kick of Sonic the Hedgehog
>Occupation you want: side kick of Roy Koopa
>Company from: Sega
>Company to: Nintendo
>Knuckles' reads:

TOM: This is a next Generation story. All spelling errors are to be ingored.



>Name: Knuckles
>Video games in: Sonic 3, Sonic 3D, and Sonic and Knuckles
>TV shows in: None
>Occupation: side kick of Sonic side, before that sidekick of Robotnic
>Occupation you want: side kick of Susan B. Koopa
>Company from: Sega
>Company to: Nintendo
>The End

MIKE: Okay that's it time to go.
(M&TB prepare to leave the theater.)

>Mario's Titanic

ALL: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Tom starts to cry.)

>Part 1
>One summer day Mario won two cruse tickets.
> "Mama mia. I've-a won!" Mario said.
> "Won what?" Peach said
> "Cruse tickets and your-a coming with me." said Mario
TOM: Mario and Peach will be surprised when instead of getting on a ship they get a water jug.
MIKE: What?!
TOM: A cruse. It means a water jug.
MIKE (Shakes head.): I have got to cancel your subscription to the Word of the Month Club.

> "Yyyaaaeee." Peach said jumping for joy...
>MEANWHILE...
>In Bowser lair
> "So, Mario and Peach are going on a trip and I'm crashing it Muhahahahahahah!!!" he said.
CROW: Bowser's got a bad habit of talking to himself.
MIKE (Bowser): Isn't that right little pink elephant.

>Part 2
TOM: Well this fanfic seems to be moving along rather quickly.

>Bowser spent his time planning to sink the ship while Mario and Peach were on it.
>The next day...
> "Peach... Peach! Get up or we'll be late." Mario said
> Peach said "OK Mario, I'll get up now."
MIKE (Peach): Okay, Okay. I'm up, I'm up. You can stop nagging me. I hope the whole boat just
sinks into the ocean.

> As Mario and Peach got ready, they warped to the cast off just in time.
> "Let's spend the day playing and relaxing until the party." Mario said
>Meanwhile... Bowser is getting ready for the attack
> "We're going to attack them with Koopa Troopa missile shells, firing ten at the hull while
>they're in the ballroom. Ha ha ha ha." Bowser said.
>Part 3
>As the day went by Mario and Peach were having fun on the Titanic.
> "I'm going to get you Mario."
> With that, Mario jumped to the top of the Titanic.
> "Hey that's not fair!" Peach said.
CROW (Fake laughter.): Ha, Ha. Confusing games are funny.

>Later, watching the sunset at the front of the boat
TOM: And also watching the boat burn to a crisp and sink from the weight of the setting sun.
>with Mario's hands wrapped around Peach, they kissed and talked.
> "Peach?"
> "Um, yes Mario"
> "Have you had fun?"
> "Yes. I'm glad you won those tickets"
> "It's time for the party. Lets go to the ballroom now."
MIKE: Unfortunately, in the ballroom lay Mr. Body, dead!
>With that they headed to the ball room and kissed once more.
>BACK AT BOWSER.
> "Ewwwwww! I hate love. Wait ten minutes for the attack.
> They all got ready and started the countdown.
> 10.......
> 9.........
> 8.........
CROW: 1!

> 7.........
> 6.........
> 5.........
CROW: 1!

> 4.........
> 3.........
> 2.........
CROW: 1!

> 1.....!!!!!
> "All troops move in and fire on the hull. Muhahahah" Bowser closed in and fired.
> BBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!
> "Mama mia, we're hit and were going down and fast."
> People dived for the door.
TOM: Oooooooooh, I'm going to have to give her a 6.9.

> "Peach, hold on to me."
> "Before we go, I love you!"
> Quickly, the Titanic tilted up. Mario with Peach, Holding on to Mario for dear life, >jumped to
the tip of the boat and went up on the the railing. They both got in a froggy suit.
MIKE: Oh good. Peach and Mario scalped an innocent frog.

> Quickly, the boat sank.
> Soon, the ship was nowhere to be seen.
> Bowser came by. "Well, well, well. Look who we have here. Pasta Boy and Fruit Girl."
> "Why? Why did you do this, Bowser? Why?" Peach said.
> "Why? 'cause I'm evil!"
> Suddenly, Mario and Peach lifted themselves up on the boat.
CROW: Do ya mean the boat that sunk?
> Bowser threw a fireball at Mario and Peach, but they dodged the fireball. Mario jumped on >Bowser
causing him to fall in the water and Mario took off with the boat, leaving Bowser >behind who was
never seen again.

>The End

ALL: THANK GOD!
(M&TB leave the theater.)
(SOL Bridge: Mike, Tom, Crow, and Gypsy are finally back on the SOL. Everybody seems really excited.
Lots of noises are being made as if the ship is about to be launched. Suddenly, Gypsy comes in
from the left.)
GYPSY: I managed to get everything back in working order again (Turns to Tom) Without your help, I
might add.
TOM: How was I supposed to know that ham doesn't conduct electricity?
GYPSY: I also managed to hook Magic Voice back up.
MIKE: Hey, Magic Voice. Long time no hear.
MAGIC VOICE: Hey guys.
TOM: What have you been up to?
MAGIC VOICE: Well, I hung out with the other disembodied voices. You know: Charlie, The guy that
does movie previews, and the entire book on tape people.
GYPSY: All systems ready to go.
MAGIC VOICE: Blastoff in
10
9
8
7
6
5
4
3
2
1
Blastoff Now!!!!!!!!
(We see a view of the outside of the SOL as it speeds away from Earth. Seconds after it leaves
Earth explodes.)
(Inside of the SOL: Everything appears to be in shambles. Mike's hair is messed up and he and the
bots are lying in weird positions on the bridge.)
MIKE: Well, that was a woozy.
GYPSY: Something's coming in on the hexfield.
(Hexfield opens to show Pearl in the Widowmaker like Season 8.)
PEARL: Thought you could get away from me so easy, Nelson. Well, I ain't gonna let you go this
time. (ala the Wicked Witch of the West) I'll get you, my pretty, and your little bots too.
(Laughs maniacally.)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CREDITS

MST3000 CREATED BY
Joel Hodgsen
WRITTEN BY
Yesmar
FEATURING
Michael J. Nelson
As
Michael Nelson
Kevin Murphy
As
Tom Servo
Bill Corbett
As
Crow T. Robot
Patrick Bransteg
As
Gypsy
Mary Jo Pehl
As
Magic Voice
ALSO
Mary Jo Pehl
As
Pearl Forrester
Kevin Murphy
As
Professor Bobo
Bill Corbett
As
Observer
Paul Chaplin
As
Newscaster
And
Luigi
Bridget Jones
As
Newscaster
Bill Corbett
As
Mario
"Beez" McKeezer
As
Peach
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LEGAL INFO
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its characters and situations are copyright Best Brains Inc. This
MSTing is not meant to infringe on that copyright. It is also not meant as a personal attack on the
authors of the works that are being MSTed.
The Mario characters and Zelda characters and their situations are copyright Nintendo. Sonic the
Hedgehog and its characters and situations are copyright Sega.
The Mario Brothers, The Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom, ((Mario + Luigi) + Starfox)=????? Larry
and His Plants; Parts 1 and 2, The Arrival and the Wedding, Super Koopa RPG and Mario's Titanic
are copyright their various authors.
Visit my website at http://www.geocities.com/qfunr/Yesmar_s_MISTing_page.html?986747314990
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>- He left this. Daisy said as she held up the rolling ball that Birdo had carried.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The End.
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