Welcome, Won't You?

Chrysalis Book One: Trial By Fire.

Original work by: Zach Wilson.

Short: Truth Hurts.

Short by: Richard Swordsman.

MiSTed by: DStalker.

Created on: Tuesday, 01 July 1997.

Added on: Tuesday, 20 January 2009.

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Rated 6.00 with standard deviation 1.00 on 2 evaluations.

MSTing by "DStalker"
e-mail @ "ro_man@hotmail.com"
To properly enjoy this MSTing, you must be able to see this line. Don't return unused portion.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(SOL, Crow is doing something on the computer, Mike is zoning out listening to some music,
Servo is reading a copy of "The Dilbert Future")
CROW: C'mon, fall into my trap GreenMeanie, c'mon.... (Loud explosions are heard from the
computer, Mike stops zoning and Servo looks up.)
CROW: Aaah! No! No! No!
MIKE: What?! What is it? Are we in danger?
CROW: It's all over, it's all over! Game over man game over!
TOM: What? Tell us!
CROW: Stupid GreenMeanie, he didn't fall into my trap! He came from above and launched a missile
at me!
MIKE: Crow, what are you talking about?
CROW: I'm playing Interstate '76 (c) on the net, and GreenMeanie just fried me!
TOM: Is that why we haven't gotten any calls?
CROW: Sorry, but after I chased LargeMarge out, I figured GreenMeanie would be easy.
MIKE: (Looking at screen) Who's this TRobot?
CROW: That'd be me. Oh well, it respawns. (Mad light)
MIKE: Speaking of GreenMeanie, guess who's calling?
TOM: The Hulk?
CROW: Godzilla?
MIKE: No. Dr. Forrester.
CROW: Oh him.

(D13, Dr. Forrester is on a computer)
DR F: Take that TRobot! Burn in internet hades.

(SOL)
CROW: Your GreenMeanie?

(D13)
DR F: One and the same. Oh, by the way, you should stop driving the Pinto, it's a fiery death
trap waiting to happen. Anyway you funked out freakazoids, your experiment today is
based upon a short lived syndicated cartoon of the early 80's called "Galaxy Rangers".
The web page I got this from describes it as "Star Wars meets a spaghetti western" and,
for a change, it's spell checked. Oh yes, and there's a short by this religious cult, or
something. I don't know. So go get funky with your bad selves.

(SOL)
CROW: Dr Forrester beat me? I can't believe that! How do you think he got that good?
MIKE: Because he was written that way. (Movie sign) FAN FIC SIGN!

*.. 2.. 3.. 4.. 5..

>
>
>Date: 17 Jun 1997 03:11:49 -0400
>From: visions@panix.com (Richard Swordsman)
>NNTP-Posting-Host: panix2.panix.com

TOM: Panix? Wasn't that a cop show in the mid-eighties?
MIKE: No, that was Mannix.
TOM: Oh.

>Organization: LAODICEA THE REMNANTS
>Newsgroups: alt.tv.prisoner

CROW: I will not be briefed, debriefed, filed or numbered!

>Path: news.pixi.com!news1.best.com!news.maxwell.syr.edu!cam-news-hub1.
>bbnplanet.com!news.bbnplanet.com!panix!news.panix.com!not-for-mail
>
>
>Dear friends:
>
>Truth hurts. If you do not like truth, then ignore this message:

MIKE: Well, Obi-Wan said truth is all relative to the person, or something like that.

>This is the first and last time you are going to see this warning. We will
>probably be "hushed up" because we found the truth of the coming thrust of
>religion to "save America"

TOM: The Save America telethon, with your host, Dean Martin.
CROW: Servo, Deam Martin's dead.
TOM: With your host... Rosie O'Donnell then... I hate it when that happens.

>The ecumenical uniting religions are soon going
>to MAKE you worship on the day of Babylonian BAAL Sun-God Mithra Queen of
>Heaven Sun Worship,

(Mike & the bots burst up laughing)
MIKE: This from the guys that think that the Government has implanted micro chips in their
arses.

>(SUN day) and will TAKE AWAY free speech, and your
>lifestyles, if it does not match what THEY THINK APPROPRIATE! We found
>this out by inside information

TOM: Some guy talking to himself on the street probably told him.

>THE SUNDAY LAW is going to SURPRISE you , and you will think it no big
>deal... AND THAT IS THE PLAN...

CROW: Say again?

> (See www.sundaylaw.com) to see who was
>behind the first attempt at a world order religion... it will surprise
>you)

MIKE: Yeah, it turns out that it was Michael Flatterly.
CROW: Who?
MIKE: Y'know the (Demon voice) Lord of the Dance!

>The Catholic/Protestant group in the GOP are trying every wich way but
>lose, to pass an AMMENDMENT to the constitution for "other reasons"

CROW: Other reasons, y'know, the budget, and the worst of all, campaign finance reform!

> but
>you will see their REAL reason very quickly... They want to put a CHINK in

TOM: They want to put a Don Martin sound effect into congress?

>the separation of CHURCH and STATE, JUST ENOUGH to pass a day of HEALING
>(sunday the false pagan-pope day of sun worship)

MIKE: Dang that Pope, he's the next Bond villain you know.

> for the world... and then
>they have you, and your country. No religious zealot will be held back!

CROW: They'll be too busy killing them selves so they can fly away on the comet.

>Barriers to religious persecution will fall, Homosexuals will be routed
>and denied human rights, Sabbath (saturday) keepers will be fined, jailed,

MIKE: Black Sabbath CD's will be burned, the band members publicly executed.

>and eventually starved, athiests will be fired and the pope-BAAL day of
>the sun religion will be forced on EVERYONE for the good of Babylon one

TOM: Do you think he realizes that the Babylonians died out a couple of thousand years ago?
MIKE: In this guys world elves are stealing his car keys, and gnomes make his shoes.

>world religion (Motto: Love everyone that keeps SUNday, kill everyone
>else)

CROW: That isn't a very good corporate slogan. Wouldn't something like "Just worship" be
better? Your not going to get many followers that way.

>Please, read all about it
>
>Please read the following note: NOTE: if you do not like this just ignore
>it. This will be the last time I will post this warning to you. amen.

MIKE: It's pretty hard to ignore a raving psychopath, but making fun of him tends to be fun.

>THIS IS THE LAST TIME YOU WILL EVER SEE THIS, THIS SITE WILL BE SHUT DOWN
>AS SOON AS THESE MESSAGES START GETTING OUT!!! Amen , goodbye, and God
>bless...
>

TOM: In other words, the site closes down so nobody can flame him.
MIKE: That's about the gist of it.

>
>

CROW: And now for our feature presentation.

>Chrysalis
>Book One: "Trial By Fire"

TOM: The Kathy Lee Gifford story.

>Chapter One
>
>"Three things see no end - a flower blighted 'ere it bloomed, a message that miscarries, and
> journey that is doomed."

TOM: Real depressing..

>-Mercedes Lackey, "Threes"

CROW: Mercedes Lackey? Does Mercedes need lackeys to sell cars?

>
> Zachary was busy readying himself for another duty shift. In the kitchen, he could
>hear the clanking of dishes and the hiss of running water.

MIKE: The water creature from "The Abyss" was hissing at the cat.

> *Is it Zach or Jessi's turn to make breakfast?* he wondered, worrying with a couple
>of buttons that didn't want to match up with the buttonholes.

TOM: Furious buttoning action.

> Finally getting the offending buttons fastened, Zachary straightened and checked his
>appearance one more time in the mirror. Okay.
> *I hate inspection day,* he thought. *Even if I'm the one doing the inspecting.*

MIKE: (Zachary) Darn Jack In the Box, they give me real beef and not kangaroo, the kangaroo
tastes better...

> He walked over to the nightstand to get his gloves, and accidentally knocked over a
>picture. He didn't pay attention to it as he was busy trying to get evrything regulation-
>perfect on the uniform. It wasn't setting a very good example to the cadets if the person
>running the inspection didn't have everything on right himself.

CROW: So we're reading a story about somebody getting ready for the day?
MIKE: Looks that way, chapter 2: Breakfast.

> "GV," he asked the home AI, "What's the date today? Earth Calendar?"
> "June eighth, 2104."
> Zachary shot up, paralyzed for a moment.

TOM: He noticed the dart in his back just as a hunter wrestled him to the ground and tagged him.

> "June eighth?"
> "Yes, sir."
> His stomach took a lurch not unlike the feeling of an elevator decending too fast. He
>didn't know what had really caused it - the date itself, or the fact that he was getting ready
>for just another day at the office and forgot.

CROW: Hello, audience needs a clue, just a hint, a sliver would be nice.

> He looked back, at the fallen picture.
> Zachary picked it up off the floor. Frozen in time was a young Ranger Lieutenant, newly
>graduated, and trying to look dignified in his new dress uniform (only partially succeeding).
>Standing next to him was a pretty young woman wearing a simple, lace-trimmed white dress,
>and a long veil of white gauze.

TOM: Dennis Rodman has gone way over the deep end this time.

> The date read at the bottom, "June 8, 2084."
> Zachary sighed and put the picture back on the nightstand. . *I'm sorry, Eliza. I'm
>really sorry we aren't celebrating right now. I hope you understand...wherever you are.*

>

MIKE: Stereotypical male behavior, he forgets an anniversary.

> Walking out to the kitchen, he saw that Jessi was munching her toast and fruit. She

TOM: Both at the same time? Boy her mouths got to be huge!

>gestured to an empty seat. "Good morning, Dad."
> He mussed her hair. "Morning, kiddo."
> Jessi straightened her hair out a little bit. "Zach's got some fruit cut up in the

MIKE: Some fruit cup? This may be spell checked, but it definitely isn't proofread.

>kitchen, and some toast. I'm cleaning the dishes after he's done, since I know you want to
>get to work early."
> "Thanks," Zachary said. "How's the science project coming along?"

CROW: If this movie gets any more intense, I might feint.

> Jessi grinned. "Well, Donna's got the graphs and stuff. I'm recording the data. You
>wouldn't
>believe how just varying one element can totally change the way a plant grows."
> "Oh, I will," Zachary replied. "I missed your last science fair. I'm not missing this
>one."

MIKE: So far all I'm getting is, it's morning, and a guy forgot his anniversary. Is that it?
TOM: Apparently.

> At this point, Zachary Jr. emerged from the kitchen, carrying his own plate of
>breakfast. "Oh. hi, Dad."
> Zach Jr. pushed his way past his father, and sat at the table, proceeding to wolf
>down his breakfast.

CROW: As opposed to badgering down your breakfast.

> *Teenagers,* Zachary thought with a smile before walking into the kitchen himself.
>Life went on, and so would he.

TOM: Yeah, life goes on, and on, and on!

> Out the corner of his eye, Zachary saw that Jessi had taken down one of the home
>security cameras, and had it in her lap. Zachary stood up and watched with alarm.

MIKE: A false alarm and the CHPD will fine 'ya.

> "What are you doing, young lady?"
> Jessi looked up. "Relax, Dad. It's all right. GV even showed me how to do this."
> Zachary frowned and walked next to his daughter. "Well, what are you doing to the
>camera, exactly?"

TOM: (Jessi) Tearing it apart to vent my animal rage daddy.

> "Modifying the signal so instead of sending it to GV's internal sensors, it sends the
>output to Donna's house. I send her my science project data that way.
> "How does it work?"

CROW: She just explained it!

> Jessi grinned, and gestured to the chips on the couch. "Well, that over there are
>recording chips. The red one is a recording of the plants, and graphs of the sample data. I
>just take out the record chips..."

MIKE: I wonder how much fat is in recording chips, because that stuff goes right to my hips.

> Jessi explained the set up. Most of it involved switching a few directional chips
>and avoiding GV's internal alarm systems. As she cheerfully talked him through it, Zachary
>shook his head. Seeing Doc pull something like this was one thing. Seeing his kid pull it
>off was quite another. He made a mental note to ask GV if there were other tricks built in
>that he should know about.

TOM: I bet this would be really funny if, and that a big if, IF WE KNEW THE *@^$! WHO THESE
PEOPLE ARE!!!

> Jessi replaced the camera's cover. "Just press in her transmission code, and we're
>all set. See, Dad, it's simple."
> Zachary picked up the camera and looked it over. "Thanks for showing me. Maybe I'll
>try it myself sometime."
> Jessi put down the camera. "Dad, are you okay?"

TOM: (Jessi) Are you feeling fresh?

> Zachary looked up, startled.
> "Well," she said. "Zach didn't want to bring it up, because he knows you get upset...I
>mean, this being the day you and Mom got married and with her being gone and all..."
> Zachary patted her shoulder. "I think I'll be okay. I've got a lot of work today.
>Tonight, I might take you and Zach to see a movie or something."

CROW: Or, I might go postal and shoot everything that moves.

> "Dad, you don't have to -"
> "It won't do any good to stay here, Jessi. Remember what she used to say to you two
>when I was out on assignment?"

MIKE: (Jessi) Yeah, she said "Thank god he's gone, I'm going to talk to Randy, you keep this
all secret and I'll give you some toys, okay?"

> Jessi smiled. "She started in on this imitation of Commander Walsh. I wish you could
>have seen it."
>Zachary laughed a little at the mental picture. "She did, huh?" Jessi nodded, still laughing.
>She squared her shoulders and dropped her voice.

TOM: She's going to charge!!

> "'Captain Foxx, I want you to scout from here
>to the other end of the galaxy in the next twenty-four hours or else...'" Jessi coughed with
>the effort of keeping her voice twisted.

CROW: She's having an asthma attack and it's funny!

> His ribs shook with silent laughter, but he strained to keep a straight face.
> "I don't think the commander would appreciate that, even though it *is* funny."

MIKE: No, not really.

> "She had a whole speech prepared," Jessi said with a shrug. "Wish I could remember it."
>She looked up at the wall chronometer and picked up her coat. "Well, the shuttle going to
>school's leaving soon. See you later."

TOM: It's gotta be real hard taking the Space Shuttle to school every day. Let's hope it's
the Challenger.
MIKE: Dark, but nice mental image.

> She kissed her father's cheek before dashing out the door.
> Zachary looked at the chronometer on the wall. He still had a half hour before he had
>to report in. Picking up a few chips and the security camera, he tried to repeat what she had
>done.
>
> * * * *
>
>
> It was too early when Niko's alarm clock had gone off, or at least it seemed that way.
> But she was already up, and in the shower. Shane turned over and tried to ignore the
>obnoxious beeping.

(All groan)
CROW: Great, now here's somebody else waking up!

> "Damn it, babe," he muttered, still half-awake. "Does that thing *have* to be so
>obnoxious?"
> No answer. He reached over to Niko's side of the bed. It was empty, but still warm.
>He groped around until he found the alarm clock on the nightstand.

TOM: No one will be seated during the heart pounding "waking up" scene!

> His dexterity hadn't woken up yet. He missed the snooze button, and slapped the whole
>clock onto the floor, where it still beeped loudly. With a groan, Shane realized that he had
>to get up if he wanted the thing to quit blaring.

MIKE: Stupid TV, Fran Dresher just kept talking, and the remote wasn't near.

> He grumbled and turned over on his stomach, covering his head with one of the pillows.
>That muffled the noise, but he realized that he was now too awake to go back to a sound sleep.

CROW: What a realization! Such thought processes. He should be a scientist.

> The shower quit running. A few minutes later, Niko walked out in uniform, casually
>picked up the alarm clock, and reset it. She shook Shane. "Come on, Shane. No sleeping in."

TOM: She casually reset an alarm clock... Is she supposed to reset the alarm clock hurriedly?
Is there really any instance when an alarm clock needs to be reset with out haste?

> "Five more minutes."
> "No way," she said with a small smile. "If *I* have to be up, then so do you."

MIKE: (Shane) But mom, it snowed out side, that means they'll close the schools, right?

> "I just *had* to start sleeping with a morning person." A muffled sigh, and Shane
>turned over. "At least I get to wake up to a pretty face."

CROW: This is almost as bad as Clare Mosley's romantic banter.

> Niko blushed. She didn't think she'd ever get used to hearing him pay her compliments
>like that.
> A quick kiss, then Niko pointed to the bathroom. "All yours, love."
> "Thanks."
> With much reluctance, he got up from the bed, and headed towards the bathroom.

TOM: (Shane) *grumble* Stupid digestive track *grumble* *grumble*

> Niko padded out to the kitchen, and started to brew a *strong* pot of coffee for both
>herself and Shane.
> Relaxing back in her chair, she stretched her muscles, and looked out the window. The
>sunrise was actually very pretty, painting all the clouds in shades of pink and orange.

MIKE: Then she realized that she was in L.A, the sunrise painting the clouds brown and puke
green.

>
>*Wonder if she's making coffee...*
>
> The intrusive thought-whisper startled Niko from her musing. Damn it all, weren't
>her shields working?

CROW: What? No long set up?

> She sighed, and consciously blocked off her mind. She wasn't "hearing" Shane's
>thoughts, at least for now. With a mix of annoyance and fear, Niko realized that she had been
>having more and more difficulty with her "Gifts" lately.

MIKE: The toaster wasn't working and the ab-roller was just collecting cobwebs under the bed.

> It was minor, but the fact that she
>wasn't able to fully shield herself was cause for concern. Shielding used to be instinct,
>something as natural as breathing. It used to be that she had to consciously let down the
>shields so that she could use her natural psychic gifts.

TOM: Huh. I guess we're supposed to know WHAT THE $%&*#@^% IS GOING ON!!!
CROW: Boy, you used all the little symbols for that one, but you used % twice.
TOM: Sorry, I was caught up in the heat of the moment.

>It had started, she guessed, when she was fitted with the Series Five implant. Using it allowed
>her to pull on more power than she'd been trained to use. At first, it just allowed her to
>increase her abilities.

MIKE: Then DuPont recalled it because it caused "problems"

> Like a muscle that had grown strong with use, after two years in the
>field, using her special gifts had required less implant power. Now, she was using the
>implant more to shield herself, and activating it to let *down* the shields. Same amount of
>charge needed, just refocusing it.

CROW: Don't let down your shields, abstinence is the best policy!

>That was something she could manage. What she couldn't manage was this new ability that had
>manifested itself. When she had left Xanadau, she had only the barest ability to sense the
>thoughts of others. She had been told that since it hadn't manifested itself during adolecence,
>it probably wouldn't manifest itself at all.

TOM: But once she checked the manifest again, it turned out she did. Then she nailed it to the
Popes door.

>They were wrong.
>Shane had a latent Thought-sensing ability. It wasn't powerful enough for him to use unaided,
>but there was one assignment where he had no other option but to try to "send" he a message.
>He would have died if they found him any later, either by the *Laredo's* guns, or by his own
>changeling ability.

MIKE: Okay, my turn. What the %#@^&*()_+~{|:"?><^$*@&*^* IS GOING ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry, just vented there, I promise that's the last outburst.
CROW: I guess the author assumes we've seen every single episode and have the words memorized.
Not the best way to reach a wide audience...

>The contact had triggered something in both of them. It was barely noticeable in Shane's case.
> With Niko's still-growing psychic Gifts, the Thought-Sensing ability surged in growth to

TOM: Eat her from the inside out, spilling her insides onto the floor when the alien hatched.

>catch up with her FarSight and telekenetic abilities, growing wildly out of control. At first,
>the only one she could sense clearly had been Shane, then she started to "hear" the occasional
>stray thought from Zachary and/or Doc.

CROW: I'm guessing she doesn't want to know there thoughts... The Internet is nothing compared
to a bored male mind.

> Now it seemed that she had to be constantly shielding
>against that, and, it wasn't only the guys she was having to shield against, but just about
>anyone she came into contact with.

MIKE: Contact is the exclusive rights of who ever made the movie.

> It had gotten a lot worse over the past few months, no doubt a result of Shane and her moving
>their relationship to a more "intimate" level. They both felt a need to keep their affair a
>secret, though. At this point, the only one Niko really trusted with the good news was her
>mentor, Ariel. Ariel

MIKE: Ariel was a mermaid who could only talk to her in sign language, a good mentor anyway.

>had *encouraged* her to pursue the relationship, after all. Despite the
>secrecy, though, they were both glad they took the plunge.

TOM: So, they're married and trying to hide it? That'd be pretty hard, you'd think somebody'd
notice the rings, or the change in last names...
MIKE: Hey guys, let's get out of here...

5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. *..


(SOL) (Mike, Servo, and Crow are sitting around a table with breakfast on it)
CROW: Hey guys, I'm having a dilemma, should I have sausage or bacon?
MIKE: Oo.. that's to toughie, how about both?
CROW: You are so brilliant Mike, what would I do with out you?
MIKE: I don't know, hey Servo, what's that in your lap?
TOM: Hexfield Mike, I'm trying to make it better, but...
MIKE: But what?
TOM: My arms don't work!
MIKE: I'll just have to put it back together, how'd you get it apart anyway? Doesn't matter.
CROW: Toast or English muffins? Toast or English muffins!?!?!
MIKE: Calm down, there's a logical solution for this..
CROW: I can't handle it! Ah!
MIKE: Calf down.. how about... scones?
CROW: Yeah, there we go. (Movie sign) MOVIE SIGN!!

*.. 2.. 3.. 4.. 5..

>
>
> She was still sitting at the kitchen table with a far-away look on her face when Shane
>emerged from the shower a few minutes later.
> He was toweling off his hair, wearing the black shirt and jeans he'd come over last
>night with. "Hey, Niko..."

TOM: (Shane) Do you know where my underwear is? It got pretty- (Mike holds his mouth shut)

> He caught himself in mid-sentence and walked over to her. "What's the matter? Shield
>going bad?"
> She looked up at him with a troubled expression, "Oh, Shane, I..."
> He sat down with her. "It's okay. You should talk to Q-Ball about it so he can do
>something with the implant. You don't have to tell him about us."

CROW: Q-Ball? What is this, Sliders?

> "I'm not sure about modifying the implant. After all, it's still experimental. I
>really don't want to risk a modification to it if I can help it."
> "Niko, I don't understand. I know how powerful that new ability is."

MIKE: Yeah there's a flaw in the chip that you have a 1-1000000000 chance of getting it, but
it's being recalled anyway.

> "Which is why I don't really want to use it, Shane," she said, a little sharper than
>she would have liked. "I already depend on my implant a little too much. To depend on it
>more...I'm not sure I like the idea."

TOM: She depends on her implant too much? Naw, too easy.

> "What about Xanadau?"

CROW: Zach Norman is Sammy in Chief Xanadau!
MIKE: That was Chief Zabu.
CROW: My mistake.

> Niko thought about it. "I already filed for a leave of absence, but I don't know when
>it would clear."
> He sat in the chair next to her. "I just know how hard it is on you, babe. I hate to
>see you running yourself ragged when you don't have to."
> "I think I'll be all right," she said. "But thanks for caring."
> "That's what friends are for," he said, a lopsided smile lighting up his face.

TOM: The Poseidon Smile Adventure

> "Friends and lovers."
> He laughed. "Well, we're living proof that it's a pretty fine line between the two
>sometimes."

CROW: (Lawyer) There's a find line between right and wrong!

> He leaned over and kissed her again. When he finally broke it off, he gestured to the
>chronometer on the wall.

MIKE: Wouldn't it be a lot easier to say clock? I think the technology can't really advance
must farther than it actually is..

> "I've got to go back home and get in uniform, Niko. We don't exactly
>want Zachary asking questions, do we?"
> "Or worse," Niko chimed in, "Buzzwang. That thing's got to be the snoopiest creation
>Q-Ball's ever come up with."

TOM: Buzzwang? Is that a new alcoholic drink or something?

> Shane laughed. "Anyway, babe, I'll see you at base."
> He walked out the door, letting it slide shut behind him.

CROW: Then there's the blooper where the door hits him because the prop guys shut it to fast!

>
>
> * * * *
>
> After the inspection was over, Zachary walked back to the recreation lounge to get
>himself another cup of coffee. He walked in to find Doc at a far table, engrossed in his own
>cup of coffee, and the latest technical journal.

MIKE: (Doc) Supposedly they're coming out with flying cars any time now..

> When the door hissed open, Doc looked up and put down his datapad. "Hey, Zachary. How
>was inspection?"
> "Either I'm getting old, or they keep recruiting them young," Zachary said, walking
>over to the coffeepot and pouring a fresh mug for himself. "A few of the new cadets aren't
>much older than my son."

TOM: Thrilling chit-chat action.

> Doc grinned. "Just tell yourself you're twenty-nine and holding."
> "Yeah right, Doc," Zachary said before sitting down with the coffee, and pulling out
>a datapad of his own.
> "Thought you usually did your paperwork at home or in your office, Zachary," asked
>Doc. "Something wrong?"

CROW: Paper work? On datapads? Are they just using the datapads as tables or something?

> Zachary looked up. "Am I being obvious?"
> "I've never known you not to be," Doc answered.

MIKE: (Doc) Of course I don't know you know but...

> The door in the front of the room opened. Doc and Zachary turned to see who had come
>in. Shane and Niko were talking quietly as they entered, his arm around her shoulder in a
>way that might have been friendly if one wasn't looking at the rest of their body language.

TOM: Is he about to break her neck?

>The two younger Rangers sat on a couch near the holoviewer and continued their conversation,
>seemingly oblivious to their colleagues.
> "Young love," Doc chuckled. "Strange stuff."

CROW: (Zachary) What, love?
MIKE: (Doc) No, this article on robotic sheep, weird stuff they're doing.

> "Well, what about you?" Zachary teased. "Don't tell me you haven't been hit."
> "Been hit, got burned," Doc said. "It was great while it lasted, though. I suppose I
>could be called 'sadder but wiser.'"

MIKE: (Doc) The emotional scars are healing about as fast as the real ones, wanna see 'em?

> "What was she like?" asked Zachary.
> Doc thought for a moment. "Crazy...but great while it lasted. "
> Zachary decided to change the subject. "I heard something from Powell today."

CROW: (Zachary) Yeah, he's almost sure that he's a republican, but he's still not sure.

> "Oh?" asked Doc, perking up a bit. Powell was a cadet that had been mentoring under
>Doc for a few months now. Mentoring was the primary form of education that the Kiwi used,

TOM: Ah! Kiwis are teaching the art of war! New Zealand is doomed!

>passing skills from master to apprentice. When put in practice at BETA, field officers
>mentored cadets, giving them the necessary "hands on" skills to work when they were put out
>on their own.

TOM: Hands on? Too easy.

> "He tells me that you just passed up another shot at promotion."
> Doc sat back, somewhat deflated. "Oh, that."
> "Come on, Doc. There are folks who think you should have been a field captian three
>years ago. They want to kick you up the ranks."

CROW: (Zachary) And I want to kick you in the arse, but that's a different story.

> "But I'm refusing to let them, I know," said Doc. "Command's just not my thing."
> "Still, rank has its privleges."

MIKE: Yeah, your general buddies will bend the laws for you.

> "And its drawbacks. I don't want to be promoted out of the field. I love what I'm
>doing a little too much. Besides, I'm not the command type."
> "Still, there's nothing quite like having a team of your own," said Zachary. "I know
>how nervous I was to take the reins."

CROW: (Zachary) Mr. Ed sure yells a lot, but he'll get you there fast.

> Doc shrugged. "Seriously, I really don't want to become a desk pilot before my time.
>Spent a few too many years behind one trying to get my Ph.D."
> Zachary nodded. "I know how that works, especially for Specialists."

TOM: Did that really need to be capitalized?

> "Yeah. Give them a chance, and your illustrious career gets buried under 6 feet of
>paperwork. Besides, I couldn't ask for a better group of people to work with."
> A lengthy pause followed. Doc broke it by changing the subject.
>"So," said Doc. "Back to my earlier question. What's up with you?"

MIKE: (Zachary) Your a Doc, you tell me.

> Zachary smiled a little. Typical Dr. Hartford diversionary tactic. Duck the question,
>smile, then change the subject with such an invisible charm and grace you didn't notice it
>until it was too late to return to the original subject without sounding like a fool.

CROW: Heartpounding psychiatric advise.

>Sometimes, it was a trait that got on Zachary's nerves, but he had come to accept it and
>actually enjoy playing along. It was pretty obvious by now that the computer hacker had said
>all he was going to say concerning his status in the ranks, anyway.
>

TOM: What a scene ending! That's Pulitzer material there!

> Zachary looked sadly at the wedding band on his finger. "Today is...or was supposed
>to have been, my twentieth wedding anniversary."
> "Geez," muttered Doc. "You got hitched young."

MIKE: It might be nice to know his age, it just might help.

> Zachary tried to laugh, but it hurt too much at the moment. "I don't know. Twenty-two
>didn't seem so 'young' at the time."
> "Twenty-two," Doc thought. "Nope. You never do think you're young at that age.

CROW: (Doc) You think your eighty at that age, then you realize your not falling apart.

>Eighteen, Nineteen, you know it. Hit twenty, though, and suddenly, you feel like you're up
>on everything." Doc then laughed. "True wisdom doesn't catch up until you're at least thirty-
>five. Which means, I've only a couple years left to act like a complete fool."

ALL: (Deadpan) Ha. Ha. Ha.

> Zachary laughed. "What about forty?"
> "Plan retirement and start panicking because your kid wants to use the land cruiser."

MIKE: Land cruisers are expensive, I tried to get one once, but they looked into my permanent
record, saw that I got into a fight when I was 8, so they wouldn't give me credit.

> Now Zachary was really laughing. Zach Jr. was taking driving school, and asking to
>borrow the land cruiser almost daily.
> "I don't know about retirement, Doc," Zachary answered. "I've put some away for the
>kids in case something happens to me, but I'm not thinking too much about retirement."

CROW: (Zachary) Besides social security went broke in the 1990's, there's no chance of
retirement.

> An announcement over the intercom interrupted the conversation. "Series Five Team,
>report to Commander Walsh's office."
> Zachary looked over the room, "Duty calls, everyone. Come on."

TOM: So are they going to go flying through the danger zone?
MIKE: Well, so far they've just talked through the breakfast zone.
CROW: Let's go.

*.. 2.. 3.. 4.. 5..

(SOL)
MIKE: You know, all this early 80's cartoon stuff has made me remember all those shows I used
to watch, like Transformers and He-Man.
CROW: Yeah, that was a sad time in cartoon history.
TOM: It put cartoons back a decade!
MIKE: Hey, I tended to like it, they seemed pretty good to me. You know, I used to wake up
every saturdy morning at six to watch them.
CROW: That's pathetic.
MIKE: What do you mean?
TOM: How old were you during this time?
MIKE: Well...
CROW: Mike?
MIKE: Okay, I was in college at the time but- (Interrupted by the bots laughing)
CROW: That's really pathetic.
MIKE: Yeah, well, Voltron ruled none the less.
TOM: I'll give you that one. (Movie sign) We've got movie sign!!!!

5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. *..

>
>
> Commander Joesph Walsh was reading the security brief that his aide had given him
>when the door slid open, admitting the four Rangers.
> Walsh made no secret of being proud of the Series Five Team. They were the best agents
>BETA had to offer,

MIKE: BETA, the hand picked team that looks for bugs in software. It's a boring job, but
somebody has to do it.

> and any objections to their conduct or unorthodox methods were balanced out
>by the end results of their missions.
> He took a head count.

CROW: (Walsh) Yup, four people, four heads, everything seems in order.

> Dr. Walter Hartford, the top computer scientist in the Ranger
>corps, possibly the whole League. There always seemed to be an air of "stage magician" to Doc's
>bearing, as if he was going to reach inside his belt pouch and pull out a rabbit rather than
>his CDU.

TOM: (Doc) Is that a rabbit in my pocket or am I- Oh I would know, wouldn't I.

> Despite (or perhaps because of) his easy-going disposition, could be a very skilled
>diplomat if the situation warranted.
>Trailing right behind Doc was Specialist Lieutenant Niko, the mysterious young woman whose

MIKE: Butter sculpting skills were immeasurable.

>psychic abilities were only matched by her skill at martial arts. She had no surname, no
>records prior to entering the Ranger Academy, and sometimes Walsh had to wonder if the girl
>was even full human.

CROW: It's more than half way in and we're finally getting character introductions..

>
> She stood next to Ranger Lieutenant Shane Gooseman,

TOM: Talk about flying through the danger zone...

> possibly the most controversial
>addition to the team. There were still Senators and high-ranking officials who wanted to put
>the former Supertrooper in a cryogenic coffin. Walsh had his own reasons for sparing Shane,
>a few of them personal.

MIKE: We're getting a whole new weird area here.
CROW: Let's go


>
> And the motley trio was led by Captain Zachary Foxx, whose orderly manner and by-the-
>book approach seemed to make him an odd choice for the job. Then again, Walsh remembered,
>Zachary also had demonstrated the potential to go rogue on occasion. Whether it was because
>of the loss of his wife, or due to the influence of his team, Walsh really couldn't say.

CROW: Walsh couldn't say anything, he was mute.

> Walsh nodded tersely. "Good. You're all here."
> "What's on the table today, Commander?" Doc said, flashing his trademark grin.

TOM: So none of us can grin without paying him royalties? No fair.

> "We need you to go to Tortuna and pick up an informant."
> "What is he doing on Tortuna?" asked Zachary.

MIKE: Probably soaking up some sun.
TOM: Mike that's Tortuga, Tortuna is not a Caribbean island..
MIKE: I.. knew.. I was just testing your knowledge of Geography, yeah, that's the ticket.

> "He's on the run from the Queen. He knows the current status of the Crown fleet,"
>Walsh said. "She's been up to some rather suspicious activity lately, and we need to find out
>what she's planning."

CROW: (Walsh) We think they may be planning some kind of suspicious action, but we're not
sure, we need to make sure our suspicions that she's doing suspicious things are just
being superstitious.. Get it?

> "What kind of information do we have, Commander?" asked Niko, crossing her arms.
> "That's the problem. Virtually nothing. Our usual informants have stopped reporting.
>Crown Communications are virtually nil, and this has been going on for the past eight weeks."

TOM: We think AOL has crashed again, but we're not sure.

> "Maybe the Queen's taking a vacation," Shane commented dryly.
> Walsh ignored Shane's comment. "The Crown lost most of her fleet when she tried to
>attack BETA last time. She was down to about thirty percent of her previous strength at last
>report."

MIKE: (Walsh) Of course, we had the same guys who counted at the Million Man March do the
counting so we don't know how reliable this is.

> "The only drawback to that," Zachary observed. "Is that we also took a pounding in
>that battle."
> "That's why she's resorted to attrition tactics," grumbled Walsh. "Lots of hit and
>run attacks along the Border. Even though her ships aren't really designed for those kind
>of tactics, they still have caused a lot of damage."
> "I know," said Zachary. "We've lost a few ships. A lot of good men, too."

TOM: And women!

> "However," said Walsh. "The border's been quiet these past few weeks. That could be
>a good sign, but there's been no information coming our way. We can't even listen in on her
>communications. It appears that the Crown is going for silent running for some reason we have
>yet to discover."

CROW: Might they be... I dunno... preparing to attack?

> The screen behind Walsh's head flickered, and the picture of a Dathian man flashed up
>on the screen. Dathians were humanoid, with blue-tinged skin and dark hair.

MIKE: Hey, it's a Star Trek alien.

> This Dathian was
>short and wiry, typical of his species. Dathians were one of the few species who were willing
>members of the Crown Empire. Their physiology made them incompatible with the Psychocrypt,
>but they served in the Queen's army, and their homeworld was a primary technological and
>ship-building center for the Empire.

TOM: Has this turned into a travelogue?

> "This man is Kerr Orthallan, a Crown military officer who deserted from the Crown
>Royal Guard.

CROW: The Crown Royal guard, protecting your RC Cola supplies since 1917.

> He has been sending to Crown military secrets to BETA for six months. In
>exchange, BETA has granted his request to defect to the League, as well as granting him
>political amnesty."

MIKE: Typical, he's going to get diplomatic plates and the crime rate will skyrocket.

> Shane was unimpressed. "What has he done?"
> "Several raids on Gherka, commanded the fleet that destroyed the *Defiance* and the
>*Admiral Rekel* ten months ago...even commanded a Destroyer during the Kirwin raid two years
>ago. He almost gave the Queen eighty human Slaverlords."

TOM: More backstory that we don't know that they're talking about.

> Zachary winced. There had been eighty-one human captives at the Crown palace.
>Rescuing them had been his team's first mission.
> "So why are we rescuing this creep?" Shane said.

CROW: That was explained earlier!

> "According to previous information, there's been a concentration of the Crown's
>forces in a few sectors near the border. The concentration and patterns of the skirmishes
>seem to confirm this, as well as the fact that they've stopped.

MIKE: So.. the pattern in their skirmishing is the fact that they aren't?

> He claims that he has
>reports that quite possibly singal an imminent Crown invasion."
> "An invasion?" asked Niko.

TOM: (Niko) I hated that show!

> "Her forces have been stuck down so far that she'll use it as a last-ditch strike
>at BETA," Walsh said, "We know that she's coming, and we've arranged our own defenses on
>the border, but there is the question of when and where the Queen will try to strike,"

CROW: Here's a gander. When? When it's convenient for the plot. Where? Where ever these guys
are.

>Walsh answered. "Right now, we're spread very thin due to the skirmishes. I don't have
>to tell you that the Crown's got more fire power at her disposal than we do, even though
>she's been knocked down a few pegs. "

MIKE: You know, I could never climb that peg board thing in P.E.. I got pantsed a bunch
in high school..
CROW: We don't need to know about your pathetic childhood.

> "And this Orthallan has information about that?" asked Doc.
> Walsh nodded. "Or so he claims. Without this information, BETA won't be prepared
>when she does invade.

TOM: (Walsh) We won't have time to set the table unless you get that man out!

>She raises an armada and attacks one or two sectors, BETA won't be
>able to stop her before she takes a border planet." Walsh nervously smacked the palm of
>his hand with his command wand.

MIKE: This has turned real fast.

> "When she does, she'll no doubt increase her forces by
>Psychocrypting the human population. If that happens, then the League would probably
>crumble within days."

CROW: (Walsh) Maybe we out to stop making the league out of crackers..
MIKE: What?
CROW: Then it wouldn't crack so easily... Never mind.

> "With all due respect, sir," said Zachary. "Should we trust someone like Kerr
>Orthallan, or even grant him amnesty?"
> "That's not your jurisdiction, Foxx," Walsh said gruffly. "We need this information.
>Just go to Tortuna and pick him up. Geezy's got access to the safe house. You have twenty-
>four hours to make the pick-up and return."

TOM: Yeah, Geezy's got the info, but don't forget to ask Huggie Bear too.

>
> They left the briefing room, on their way to the ship. On the way, Zachary stopped
>at a communications relay. "Go on ahead. This will only take a minute."
> The others nodded and continued while Zachary punched in the code for GV. "GV?"
>Zachary asked.

MIKE: Why'd he have to punch in a code if it's voice activated?

> The blue and green eye flashed up on the screen. "Yes, sir?"
> "GV, are the kids home?"
> The eyeball bobbed up an down in an imitation of a nod. "Yes, sir. Both of them."
> "Good. I've got a message for them."

TOM: (Zachary) Yippy-kay-o-kay-ay...

> "One moment, sir."
> A second later, GV's icon was replaced with the faces of Zach Jr. and Jessi. "Hi,
>Dad," Jessi said.
> "Hello, you two," Zachary answered. "Look, I'm not going to be home tonight."

CROW: (Jessi) Yay! Whip out the R-Rated movies! Oh, wait, you didn't hear that dad.

> "Another mission?" asked Zach Jr.
> Zachary nodded. "Yes. With any luck, I'll be back by tomorrow." He smiled. "Just
>keep the house clean and get dinner for yourselves."
> "Can you tell us about it when you get back?" asked Jessi.
> "I'm afraid it's one of 'those' kind of missions, Jessi," Zachary answered. "But
>don't worry too much about me. I'll be back."

MIKE: (Jessi) Oh, 'those' missions, is Jody back in town?

> "Good luck, Dad." Zach said.
> "Bye, said Zachary. "Love you both."
> "Bye, Dad," both of them answered before cutting the transmission.

TOM: Right now they're going into dads secret candy stash and looking for the Christmas
presents he's hidden.

> With that, Zachary walked down the hallway quickly in order to catch up with his
>team. He caught up with them at the lift, and all four of them were on their way to the
>Recharge Chamber and the shuttlebay.
>
> * * * *

CROW: ASCII ants.

>
> Zachary silently piloted Ranger One, sending the other three to the back to prepare.
>Once they had donned the flashy robes and scarves marking them as Zanguil peddlers, the
>other three Rangers spent the remaining time with a deck of cards.

MIKE: They're discussing them selves to hide their identities, yet flying around in a ship
called Ranger One, that's not very smart.

> Doc was grinning under the blue scarf. He stared down Shane from across the table.
>"See your raise and up you five." The hacker put a few more chips in the pile.

TOM: Then he took some more of his chips and spread nacho cheese on them.

> Shane stared down his opponent for a long time, looking for any sign of weakness.
>Finally, he got annoyed and lay down his cards. "Fold."

CROW: (Doc) Right here? I thought we only did that in... (Mike stares at Crow) ..with chairs..

> Doc lay down his hand. Three useless cards and a pair of fours stared back. "Gooseman,
>I really need to teach you how to play poker."
> "If I wasn't playing with a smart-ass..." Shane began, picking up the cards and
>re-shuffling the deck.

MIKE: Don't shuffle the deck! You might damage your Black Lotus.

> "Well, you didn't exactly work your way through school by dealing cards in a tavern,"
>said Doc.
> "I didn't know you used to work as a card shark, Doc," Niko said.

CROW: (Doc) I didn't, I worked as a card goldfish.

> Doc leaned back. "I didn't. Friend of mine did."
> Niko shook her head and counted her chips. So far, the men were bleeding her dry.
>"There's just something about this assignment that doesn't seem right."

TOM: (Niko) Maybe it's that ship that's following it that has the words "We Hate BETA" on
them... naw.

> "No kidding, but it's what we've been trained to do. BETA says, 'Oh gee, the Queen
>is getting under our skin,'" commented Doc. "'But we don't want to send in the troops. Let's
>send in our special suicide squad!'"

MIKE: Sounds like a good idea to me. They did volunteer for the suicide squad, I think they
have themselves to blame.

> "Hey," Shane said. "There are worse jobs out there."

CROW: (Doc) Like we could test laxatives.. that'd be unpleasant.

> Doc shrugged. "True, but you ever get the feeling that we're just overglorified
>kamakasie pilots?"
> Shane started to deal out another hand. "You get used to it."

TOM: Right as your in the final dive..

>
> Niko wasn't paying much attention to Shane and Doc's banter. A outside thought-voice
>echoed in her head.
>
>*I have to stop thinking about how much I miss her. I have a mission to do...*

MIKE: (Niko) Darn it, the plate in my heads picking up radio again. Oh, REM is playing..

>
>The thought-voice was Zachary's. Niko shook her head. Damn it...why did she let her shield
>drop? She shielded in a split second, so that she stopped "eavesdropping."

TOM: "Eavesdropping" or "industrial espionage" as the courts called it...

> *Gods,* she thought. *I really must watch that.*

CROW: Gods? So in the future we'll revert back to polytheism?

> She looked up at the cockpit. Zachary was flying silently, already dressed in his
>peddler's garb. He seemed to be staring off into nothing, as he often did.
> She asked Shane and Doc, "Guys, is something wrong with Zachary?"

MIKE: (Doc) He waked and baked. Woo hoo!

> Shane looked at her warily, but Doc quietly answered the question.
> "Yeah. It's his twentieth wedding anniversary, and you guys know how he is about
>anything relating to his wife."
> Niko scowled. "I'll bet going to Tortuna to pick up Captain Orthallan isn't helping
>much."

TOM: Nor is the fact that your talking about it pretty loudly near him.

> Shane said, "I think he needs some time alone. Piloting the ship gives him something
>to concentrate on."
> "It's actually a tough call,"

CROW: Use 1-800-COLLECT You'll save up to 44%.

> said Doc. "Maybe staying clear would make it worse.
>I think if he gets through today, though, he'll be fine." Doc cleared his throat. "Anyway,
>talking behind someone's back like this is definitely NOT proper. Deal the cards, Goose."

MIKE: Let's hope they eject from the ship... (The bots look at him) What? I can't be dark
occasionally?

> Niko got up. "You two play. I'm out of chips."
>
> Niko walked up to the co-pilot's seat, and sat down. She took a moment to slip into
>a trance and work on her shields.

TOM: (Worf) Shields at 15% captain, maybe we should move the ship instead of just sitting in
one place!

> She couldn't afford to have them fall on her when they
>arrived on Tortuna. Today was really a bad day, and having an off day on Tortuna could be
>fatal. There was one thing she could do for "insurance," though. She felt for her waist,
>and pressed the gold star underneath her parka.

CROW: Gold star... She's a commie!

> It didn't take much power, just a quick burst. She concentrated. Ground and center....

TOM: That'll be a double for McGuire.. tomorrow is poster day at the coliseum so come early.

>then shield. She formed the mental image of herself surrounded by a gold, glowing light and
>concentrated on it until she was certain it was complete. No one would notice.

MIKE: I would tend to notice somebody surrounded by a gold glowing light.

> She brought herself out of the trance. The shield was temporary, a "quick fix," but
>it would last long enough for them to make the pick-up and leave. She didn't like having to
>draw off the implant's energy to keep the shielding up, but it was better draining the implant

CROW: Than going through the process of suing DuPont.

>than endangering herself and her colleagues with a gift gone rogue.
> Niko looked over to the pilot's seat. Zachary was still working on the ship's controls
>silently.
>

TOM: As opposed to working the control noisily... Well, maybe if you were wear polyester..

>
> "Zachary," asked Niko. "Are you all right?"
> The words seem to unfreeze him. He relaxed a bit in his chair.
> "Doc told me about today," she added.
> Zachary took in a deep breath. "Yeah. I told him this morning." He turned to her and
>afforded her a smile.

MIKE: So how do you finance a smile?

> "I'll be okay, Niko, but thank you for coming up here."
> Niko smiled gently.

TOM: Smiling gently is a lot better than smiling forcefully.

> "The three of you help me more than you know," he said quietly. "It doesn't hurt as
>badly when I have you guys to take care of."
> "Really?" asked Niko.
> "The three of you are like another family," he said, touching her shoulder. "I may
>have lost Eliza, but in some ways it feels like I adopted three more children."

CROW: Let's just hope he doesn't do with his adopted children what Woody Allen did..

> Niko was a little surprised that Zachary said it aloud. He was something of a stoic,
>especially when he considered himself "on duty."
> "Really?" she asked.

MIKE: Is Niko Eeek the cat or something?

> "I hope you don't take offence to it," Zachary said.
> Niko shook her head. "Of course not. I don't mind the thought of being 'adopted,'"
>she said wryly.

TOM: (Zachary) Let's just hope my next team isn't from one of those Chinese orphanages...

> He turned to her, his movements much more fluid. "The scary part about it is that
>Ambassador Skye thought you *were* my daughter."
> Niko was surprised. Skye was an ambassador from Jouret Five, a human colony recently
>signed into the League as a planet of its own.

CROW: It's horrible when planets move out then have to move back into their parent solar system.

>He was a sweet old man who went out of his
>way for guests and gladly topped off the treaty signing with a large gala. It was actually
>more of a vacation than an assignment.
> "Really?"

MIKE: (Eeek) Really?

> Zachary smiled. "I really didn't know what to say for a few seconds. I told him that
>you weren't related to me. All he said was that you were somebody's daughter."

TOM: That goes without saying.

> "Somebody's, but your guess is as good as mine. I don't remember anything before
>waking up on Xanadau. Ariel said that she 'found' me, but when or where, she still hasn't
>said."
> "Does it bother you? Not knowing where you came from?"

CROW: (Niko) Well, I was told somewhere that I was a blue light special.

> Niko sighed. "Not really. Goose is the one who wants to know everything he can about
>his background, and who can blame him?"

MIKE: Quick subject change theater.

>
> Zachary nodded silently.
> Both Shane and Niko were orphans.

CROW: (Shane) Please sir, can I have some more?
MIKE: (Zachary) More! You want more!

> Niko just simply never knew how she'd been found by
>the Circle, and by Ariel, the odd-looking woman who mentored her.

TOM: (Ariel) I'm not an animal! I'm a poorly written character!

> Zachary recalled Ariel as
>being quite charming, albiet eccentric. He also had seen Niko's adoptive homeworld of Xanadau.

CROW: Xanadau.. I remember Xanadau... charlie sprung up everywhere... I was horrible..
TOM: Mike! Crow's having Vietnam documentary flashbacks!

>It was an incredibly lovely place, full of fields and trees. He'd been told later that he
>was the first "outsider" to see the planet in a long time.
> By contrast, Shane's "parents" were nothing more than anonymous genetic donors,

MIKE: But Clinton banned cloning! And everybody knows he has all the power.

>donating their DNA to help create ultimate soldiers. If he let himself think about it, the
>idea made Zachary physically ill. Creating children and designing them to kill was a
>chilling prospect.

TOM: (Julia Child) Chill supertroopers before removing them from the wax paper.

> It was a joyless life those Supertroopers had led - small wonder

CROW: Wasn't that the show with the little girl robot?

> they'd
>all gone outlaw, except for Shane. Even he was a bitter, angry young man at first, trusting
>nothing and no one. Shane wasn't as harsh or as wary as he was two years ago, and Zachary
>knew Niko had a lot to do with it.
> He knew why Shane and Niko were trying to keep the true nature of their relationship
>a secret.

MIKE: Pop Secret.

> To the brass, personal feelings were a liability in battle. Human emotions didn't
>lead to tactically sound decisions. Soldiers were expendable - lovers and friends weren't.

TOM: Boy, the 'brass' sure changes their minds alot.

> On a personal note, though, Zachary wished them the best. They had both seen so much
>strife and isolation in their young lives. If they'd found comfort in each other, then to
>hell with what the brass thought.

CROW: Boy they really hate trumpets!

> An alarm sounded, and Zachary punched in the order to drop from hyperspace. The red
>and brown planet of Tortuna gleamed below them.
> Zachary stood up, and turned around. Once the mission began, he was a different
>creature entirely.

MIKE: He was the Creature From the Blue Lagoon!
CROW: (Brooke Shields) Like aaaahh!

> He addressed the team.

TOM: Then put them in a self addressed stamped envelope to.....

> "All right, everyone. Geezy should be waiting for us once we touch down. We'll
>most likely be using the underground tunnels to get into the city. More than likely, we'll
>get Orthallan out by the same route. Keep your blasters set on max. If this is a trap, I
>don't want to take chances."

CROW: In Mouse Trap you roll dice.
MIKE: What does that have to do with anything?
CROW: Trap? Chances... never mind..
TOM: Let's go guys..

5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. *..
(SOL)(Crow is sitting at the computer)
CROW: Come on Babylonians, fall into my little trap, c'mon, you know you wanna..
(Mike walks in)
MIKE: Hey Crow, what are you doing?
CROW: Playing a game called Civilization Two.. It's really addictive.
MIKE: What do you do?
CROW: You kind of build a society and compete with others..
MIKE: Sounds interesting, I it good?
CROW: Is it good? It's the best! I've been playing it all day, I'm just about to launch my
space ship to Alpha Centuri, that win the game.
MIKE: Neat. Um.. didn't the designers know that Alpha Centuri is a lifeless solar system with
three stars?
CROW: This was made before all that. And there goes my ship! This is a great day...
MIKE: How does the game end?
CROW: It ends in 2020, starts in 4000BC
MIKE: Long time, what year is it now?
CROW: 2019.
MIKE: So, that ship will get there in one turn?
CROW: No..
MIKE: So you lost?
CROW: No I- Your right! I lost! Aaaaahhhh!!! I've been playing this all day and I lost!!!!
MIKE: Calm down little buddy, your liable to short out.
(Crow shorts out smoke flying everywhere)
MIKE: Well, that just proves it. Kids, just say no to computer games. They'll make you blow up.
(Movie sign)
MIKE: We've got movie sign!!!!!!!

*.. 2.. 3.. 4.. 5..

>
>
>
> Ranger One touched down behind a ridge, a few kilometers from the Great Dome. The
>platform descended, and the Rangers walked out, onto the dry, hot desert surface.

TOM: (Ob-1) Tortuna, you will never find a more retched hive of scum and bad writing.

> Doc looked up and down the valley. "I don't see Geezy anywhere."

CROW: Geezy and the Bean were going to meet us in the groove-mobile!

> "Funny," said Zachary. "I've never known him to be late."
> There was the sound of metal grinding against rock behind them. The Rangers spun
>around, blasters ready.

MIKE: Let's hope these Rangers don't "go-go" you know what I'm saying?

> A door was opening in the rock. A very-well hidden door. If one hadn't been scanning
>for it, one wouldn't know it was there. A four-fingered hand poked out from the small crack

TOM: It's one of the Simpsons!

> Geezy cursed, and pushed the door a little more before he was able to pry it open
>enough to get through.
> He waddled up to the Rangers, and said, "Oh, you again."

CROW: (Geezy) I told you I'm not going to convert!

> "You were expecting someone else?" asked Shane
> The joke was lost to the Pegelount. "This way, Ranger Hummings," grumbled Geezy,

TOM: Is his name Geezy or Pegelount, and who is Hummings?

>motioning the four into the hidden door, and making sure to seal the passageway behind them.
> "Tell me what you know about the Crown forces, Geezy," Zachary asked the Pegelount.

MIKE: T.H.E. Pegelount.

> Geezy brushed a spider's web away. "Not much, Hummings. Queen is keeping secret
>lately. My usual informants can't even bribe her guards.

TOM: You can't make them laugh or make them move either.

>All I know is that she seems to
>have a lot fewer Slaverlords about."

CROW: Is it just me, or are some of these names just meant to be slapped on action figures.

> "I wonder why," Zachary wondered aloud.
> "Beats me,"

TOM: (Zachary) Alright. CHARGE!

> Geezy answered, punctuated by a sigh trumpeted through his trunk. "All
>I know is that three years ago, there used to be hundreds of Slaverlords in Tortuna. The
>number's dropped to only a few dozen. The spydroids have taken over the job, though."

MIKE: Robotics is sending thousands of good slaverlords to the streets..

> "That does sound odd," Niko said.
> "It's just my observation, Hummings," the Pegelount warned. "I know she's desparate
>for Slaverlord materials as the League has cut off her supply.

CROW: Dang that EU! Dang them to heck!

> Perhaps she doesn't want to
>put the Slaverlords in a vulnerable spot."
> "What can you tell us about Kerr Orthallan?" asked Shane

MIKE: (Geezy) He's got a goofy name.

> Geezy frowned. "Not much. He came to me six months ago. His information is good,
>and he *was* a Crown Guard Captain. He maintained the Tortunan Palace when the Queen was
>somewhere else. He's a brutal one to prisoners. A real nose-wringer."

TOM: (Geezy) A real mosh-pitter, you know, counter culture.

> Geezy reflectively rubbed his short trunk. Zachary wondered for a moment if Geezy
>had crossed paths with Orthallan before.

CROW: They did in that cafe in Tortuna, what was that waiters name again....

> They walked up a metal flight of stairs up to another metal door recessed in the
>wall. "We're at the street. I'll take you as far as the building."
> Geezy opened the door, and the Rangers stepped out into the city of the Great Dome.

MIKE: Let's hope it's not like Bio-Dome.

>
> Tortuna was a place where paranoia was a way of life.

TOM: That was explained earlier.

> Zachary pulled the heavy cloak around him tighter. The Zanguil garb always seemed too
>thin a shield between his team and the Psychocrypt.

CROW: It might be nice if the author let us in on the joke occasionally.

> He'd been there once, and wouldn't wish
>it on anyone, especially anyone under his command.
> Geezy warily eyed the spydroids. The Pegelount was familiar with the streets, the
>pattern of the pink, all-seeing robots.

MIKE: Pink robots in a war might be easy to spot, just a thought.

> *Geezy's right. There's more of them.* Zachary noticed. The number had definitely
>increased since their first arrival on Tortuna two years ago. One could hardly cross the
>street and not have their actions recorded by a pink sphere.

TOM: It's like something out of Yellow Submarine..

> *..."It was a bright, cold day in April and the clocks were striking thirteen...Big
>Brother Is Watching You."*


CROW: And big sister is in the bathroom, brushing her hair.

> If it wasn't the spydroids, though, it was Slaverlords, and the fewer of either
>Zachary had to deal with on any trip to Tortuna, the better.
> They came upon the city outskirts, to a particularly ramshackle hovel that used to
>be an apartment or boarding-house.

MIKE: I wonder if there's a penguin and a cat in there...

> "This is the place," Geezy said.

TOM: (Geezy) Yeah the Funkmiester should be here any moment.

> "You going in?" asked Doc.
> The Pegelount shook his head. "No way, Ranger Hummings. I stay safely out of the
>way. Big ears, big tears. Remember - you never saw me."

CROW: (Doc) Oh I wish little man, I wish.

> Niko checked her blaster. Out the corner of her eye, she saw that everyone was doing
>the same. Cautiously, they entered the shabby building, and walked up to the stairs. She was
>getting a very uneasy feeling about this.

MIKE: This looks like a Maylox moment.

> "So far, so good," Shane said, still keeping his hand near his blasters, and not
>taking any chances.

TOM: They keep not taking chances, I thought they were "unconventional"

> Orthallan's hide out was in a typical Tortunan apartment building. The windows that
>weren't gaping with holes were boarded up, and the doors locked three different ways, at
>least one of the locks broken by forced entry or lockpicking.

CROW: Russia after communism.

> Evidence of vermin was
>everywhere, and trash stacked up in reeking piles. What wasn't typical of the building was
>the noise, or lack of it. You could hear the whizzing of the spy droids outside.

MIKE: Spy Droid (tm) and Spy Droid Arm (tm) sold separately.

> Suddenly,
>a rat ran across the floor and across Niko's boot. She jumped and stifled a startled gasp,
>then reflectively jerked up her boot, and kicked the offending rodent clear across the
>hallway.

TOM: The rat is flying, it's going... It barely cleared the uprights! The Rams win!

> "Great accommodations," Shane commented sarcastically. "Dozen and a half roach
>motels each floor."

CROW: (Singing) Welcome to Joe's Apartment!

> Doc laughed uneasily. "I've lived in worse. Besides, the sign outside *did*
>advertise free meals."

MIKE: (Doc) Yeah, I can't wait to get to that half dead rat.

> Zachary looked back over his shoulder. "Quiet it down, you two."
> They arrived at the door. It was on the top floor, at the end of the hall. Great
>place for a trap.

TOM: Well, evidently this isn't a better Ranger trap.

> Niko spoke up, "Zach, I don't know about this.... I'm getting a real bad feeling..."

CROW: (Han Solo) Look, we're perfectly safe, look (makes blaster sound) Get in the ship!

> "I know, Niko," Zachary answered. "I don't like this either, but the information is
>vital." He turned to Shane. "Goose, watch our backs. This could very well be a set-up."

MIKE: (Doc) Maybe those clicking noises we keep hearing could be an inclination.

> Shane nodded. Zachary took a deep breath and knocked on the door, using the code
>Geezy had specified.
> It seemed to take forever for the door to open. When it finally creaked open, and
>a tall, thin humanoid with pale blue skin peered out.

TOM: (Kerr) I told you, I am not interested in converting!

> Zachary recognized him from the holos
>as being Kerr Orthallan. He had something of a world-weary air to him, fatigue showing on
>his long face.
> "Zanguils?" The man frowned.

CROW: (Kerr) Zangulis ain't here man.

> Zachary gave the alias he had been told to use. "I'm Jorel, you have what my
>associates and I ask for?"

MIKE: (Kerr) Yeah, I got your stuff right here, twelve bags of Chips Deluxe, chewy, of course,
and four cases of Whatshamacalits.. boy you guys went out of your way.

> The Dathian nodded. "Very well. You know my payment?"
> Zachary nodded.
> "Then come in," Orthallan invited.

TOM: Zachary Foxx, this is your life!

>
> Shane eyed the man warily, but he also kept a keen eye on the hallway behind them.

CROW: (Zachary) Don't you try and get away from me hallway.

>
> The Rangers slowly walked into the room. Zachary and Niko went first, Doc came in
>after Niko, and Shane brought up the rear.

TOM: And when he brings up the rear he really- (Mike shuts his beak)

> After Shane was inside, Orthallan closed the door
> They looked around the room. Niko was very uneasy. Something was definitely not
>right....she tried to pass it off as just nerves. She always had a bad feeling about
>Tortuna, but it was even worse than usual.

MIKE: (Han) I've got a bad feeling about this.

> She was tempted to lower the shields and try to sense Orthallan's intentions, but
>she didn't dare. First, she might not get anything out of the Dathian at all. She could
>sense some sort of shields.

CROW: I thought she couldn't sense things with her shields up, which they are!

> Dathians, she remembered, hated telepaths. Second, with the
>gaggle of minds in the city, trying to use that gift would be like grabbing a Poe Mutant
>Sensation Doll with both hands.

TOM: Tickle Me Poe Mutant Sensation.

> It would wind up backfiring and crippling her, putting
>everyone in danger.
> The room didn't help. All the windows were boarded up, a door at the other end of
>the room was likewise boarded up. The only thing in the room was a filthy mattress and a
>battered nightstand.

MIKE: This is what O.J.'s new living quarters look like.

> It was very dark, except for thin rays of light coming in through the
>cracks in the boards. It would take too long to blast out the boarded up windows, and then,
>there was no fire-escape to climb down.

CROW: This is a job for Super Super!

> It was just too good a place to not be a trap.
> "Nice place you got here," Doc commented, looking at possible escape routes, and
>growing tense at finding none.
> "A fugitive has no luxuries," the man said. "I am Captain Kerr Orthallan,

TOM: (Kerr) I'm looking for a one armed man.

> Royal
>Guard." He looked steadily at Zachary. "And you must be the esteemed Captain Foxx I have
>heard so much about..."

MIKE: (Kerr) Is that tattoo thing true?

> Under the scarf, Zachary frowned. He didn't want to make a positive id. "Possibly."

CROW: That's about as obvious a confirmation as if he had said it.

> Orthallan nodded coolly. "Wise. Very wise. The Queen has chosen her enemies well."
> "We're here to hear whatever you have to say," Zachary said, "And then take you back
>to BETA."
> Orthallan rose from the mattress and inspected the Rangers carefully.

TOM: (Kerr) Purple is just not your color Mr. Foxx.

> "What I have to
>say is simple, Captain. Dead men tell no tales."

MIKE: Arr, me matey, arr.

> There was the sound of splintering wood, the whine of blasters, and the cracking of
>plastic as the walls fell away, revealing that they were hollow and fake - filled with
>Crown Troops.

CROW: That's a little over elaborate, couldn't they have just flown in, or possibly of
ambushed them on the street?

> "An ambush!" yelled Zachary.

TOM: Such astute observation.

> "Everybody, fight an escape route!"
> The rangers already had weapons in hands and were quick to obey their captain. They
>stood with their backs to each other.

MIKE: To make a much larger target.

> Shane growled and began fighting the robots with his bare hands. Zachary was
>already starting to shoot, but there were way too many guards. Doc was shooting into packs
>of soldiers, hoping to scatter them. Niko was doing the same, felling a few in the process.
> "Get them!" yelled Orthallan, hiding behind a pack of soldiers. "Look out for the
>badges!"

CROW: Badges, badges? We don't need no stinkin' badges!

> Shane was plowing his way through the tangle when he turned and realized that he was
>surrounded. There was a huge crack and Shane winced and stumbled back. He slapped his badge,
>and the pain deadened,

MIKE: Is that a badge with morphine in it or something?

> but more shots were coming, and it was starting to drain him. Pretty
>soon, he wouldn't be able to hold out.
> Niko saw Shane trapped in the corner. He had taken a lot of hits, and was a too busy
>struggling to see a robot guard raise its blaster and aim it right at him.

TOM: This is the evidence to support the single bullet theory..

> Niko rushed the
>guard and smashed its helmet with the butt of her shotgun. She fired almost blindly, picking
>off guards, but more flooded in.

CROW: Poor New Jersey tourists..

> After smashing another robot, she whirled around to see three guards raising their
>blasters. Before she even had a chance to activate an energy shield, the blasts hit her, and
>she was unconscious before she hit the floor.

MIKE: I thought she always had her shields up.

> "Doc! What about your tweakers?! Can they do anything to help us out here?" Zachary
>called out over his shoulder.

TOM: (Doc) Sorry, they had the munchies so they can't help!

> Doc would have to stop shooting to get them out. Could he take the chance?

CROW: Or would he op for Community Chest...

> "I don't know which of 'em are robots," he said. He decided to take the chance. It
>seemed to be their best option under the circumstances. "Cover me, Zach!"

MIKE: (Doc) I'm naked! Cover me!

> "Right!" Zach answered, and tapped his badge, activating his Thunderbolt.

TOM: Which of course he had in his pocket. Can't leave home without it.

> He sent the Thunderbolt towards the door, the yellow energy burst shattering the door.
>the wooden door burst into flames. The dry, old, and ill-maintained wood started to blaze
>like kindling.

CROW: (Doc) Good one Zach!

> This forced other legions of Crown Guards back, but it also trapped the Rangers in
>an inferno.

TOM: (Shane) Good one Zach!

> With no way out, all four of them would die of the smoke and the blaze.

MIKE: (Niko) Good one Zach!

> Zachary was burning with a dark rage. He didn't care. Death was better than the
>Psychocrypt.

CROW: Which you've never bothered to explain what that is.

> A loud crack, and a startled human cry. Zachary whipped around to see the five
>holograms flickering and dimming, and their wielder lying unconscious on the floor. Doc had
>been hit, falling just inches from Zachary's heels.

MIKE: (Doc) Nice...... shoes.........

> "Zach! We've got to get out of here!" Shane called to his captain.
> Zachary grew even more harshly determined. "The building's on fire. No chance."

TOM: (Shane) You doomed us, dang you Zach! Dang you to heck!

> Shane punched another Guard. "Been an honor serving with you, sir."
> Orthallan called out from his secure spot, "Surrender, Galaxy Rangers, and maybe the
>Queen will have pity on you."
> *I've had enough of the Queen's pity, Orthallan,* thought Zachary. He activated his
>badge again. The Thunderbolt shattered the wooden floor, taking Shane, Zachary, and half the
>guards crashing to the basement.

CROW: (Zachary) Oops, maybe I should stop using this thing.

> There were more guards waiting on the first floor. All fresh, and all armed - too many
>of them. Some of them worked on putting out the fire, and surrounding them.

MIKE: Putting out the fire, and surrounding them, you should split your priorities like that.

> Shane was staggering. The Crown guards were overwhelming him, and Zachary couldn't
>see him, only hear the sounds of struggle in his general direction get fainter and fainter.

TOM: Huh? Was that supposed to make sense?

> Guards armed with gas guns and blasters came in...two or three new to every one he was
>able to take down.

MIKE: This has gone from incredibly slow to incredibly confusing.

> They had him up against the wall. No escape. More shots. It didn't knock
>him out, but sent him reeling off-balance.

CROW: Off balance.. against a wall, hoo boy, the writer is getting worse and worse.

> Zachary managed to activate his wrist communicator,
>and pant in a last command. "Foxx to GV

TOM: (Zachary) Rating for the Simpsons are up, Melrose Place down..

> - Condition Black Arrow! Repeat Black Arrow!"

CROW: I don't know what's scarier, the fact that this fan fic exists, or the fact that the
writer is making up terms for it.

> He turned to face another group of opponents, but only met with the business end of
>a blaster pistol, and the purple-blue beam coming right for him.

MIKE: Apparently lasers move at fifty miles an hour.

> A huge crack, and every nerve in his body sang with hellish pain for a spilt second
>eternity before he finally blacked out and collapsed to the floor.

TOM: He's dead!
ALL: Yay! (more general cheering)

> Orthallan straightened. "Everyone take them," he said. "And get a medical team. We
>want healthy Slaverlords, after all."

CROW: Glad this is finally over..
MIKE: Yeah, but what a way to end...

5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. *..

(SOL Servo and Crow are sitting there with something covered by a sheet in front of them)
CROW: Oh I can't wait for Mike to- (Mike walks in brushing his teeth)
MIKE: Hey guys what's up?
TOM: What's with the teeth brushing?
MIKE: I dunno, this experiment just gives me a bad taste in my mouth..
CROW: Anyway Mike, we can tell that the show in which this fan fic was based on had things
just meant to sell action figures..
MIKE: And your point is?
TOM: Well we've decided to make our own action figure line. (Mike pulls the sheet off)
CROW: But, we alone wouldn't sell, so we've decided to spruce up our names to sell more
action figures..
TOM: Yeah, Mike your new name is "Mike Stone" and you have a cute, lovable wallaby buddy.
CROW: Dr. Forrester is now known as Dr. Death, and he shoots beams out of his eyes.
MIKE: Okay.. what about you guys?
CROW: Well, I am know "Anti-Crow", my own mortal enemy, and I come with a script. "Me vs. Me"
TOM: And I am now "Tom Servomatic" and I'm on treads and have a cannon.
MIKE: Well, I just have one thing to say. These will never sell. (Mad light) Oh, Dr. Death is
calling.

(D13)
DR F: So, what did you guys think of the experiment?

(SOL)
CROW: It wasn't as bad as a Mosely fic, but pretty bad.
MIKE: Yeah, but it did a non-ending ending. Why is that?

(D13)
DR F: Oh, that? That's because this is only "Chapter One" if you'll remember. Chapter two is
50% longer! Oh, and I will give it to you!! Hahahahahah!!

(SOL) (Mike and the bots are afraid)
TOM: Well, how many chapters are there?

(D13)
DR F: (Smugly) Six.

(SOL)
TOM: Well, we're doomed.
MIKE: Not necessarily, at least they aren't Clare Mosely fan fics.
CROW: You've got a point.

(D13)
DR F: It's only a matter of time before I unearth the Jedi Lover chronology. See you on the flip
side Nelson.

Insert button ASCII here.

All rights reserved who ever owns them, this was all in fun, don't sue me.


> "Damn it, babe," he muttered, still half-awake. "Does that thing *have* to be so
>obnoxious?"
> No answer. He reached over to Niko's side of the bed. It was empty, but still warm.
>He groped around until he found the alarm clock on the nightstand.

The End.
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